The month of calamity

December 27, 2017

Dear Babies,

Ok. 2017 we get it, you suck. Specifically December. Minus a few awesome events (new friends being born and some other personal exciting things) it has been a real shit show. We haven’t had a clean bill of health over here in quite some time.

Last week your dad got strep throat – which, side-note seems fucking horrible to have as an adult, and it took him several days to recover.

We had a few days over Christmas of good old fashioned healthy kids and parents and then… I went and fell off a fucking Bosu Ball while working out and possibly broke my foot and one of you (maybe the one that’s currently obsessed with tearing off her diaper and running around naked) woke up with pink eye (surprise surprise for the kid that literally touches her butt 400 times a day).

Great.

So now we have a sore hobbling Mom who needs an X-ray, a snotty squinty little girl with giant eye boogers, a baby who needs to stay the hell away from her sister and a Dad who is back to work.

Great.

Over it.

Well guys, when it rains it pours and you will see this so fully and completely in your life. Good things seem to lump together, bad things seem to lump together and it creates this feeling of ebb and flow which I guess is a huge part of life in general.

So while we ebb (or flow – whichever the shitty one is) we have to focus on the good stuff. We have to focus on having fun, taking deep breaths and knowing that this too shall pass. Eyes will be dropped and medicated and soothed. Feet will be wrapped or casted and healed. Throats will be less sore, sneezes will pass and bruises will heal and overall we can (hopefully) leave this streak of crap behind in 2018.

In the meantime, let’s keep keeping on. I’m sure the doctors office misses us after we haven’t been in a whole week.

xo

Mom

The month of calamity

A white Christmas

December 26, 2017

Dear Babies,

We don’t traditionally celebrate Christmas but that doesn’t stop me from being obsessed with the idea of it. It was with a lot of snow that we welcomed Christmas 2017 and it was a really good holiday.

1. No one was sick which was a fucking miracle for this family and has since gone back to our usual everyone is sick (or injured) norm as of this morning.

2. Everyone slept. Poo. Poo. Poo.

3. We spent a lot of time together as a family, we spent a lot of time with our extended family and a lot of time with friends.

4. Your dad and I, although holed up at home with no babysitting services in sight, had some nice evenings together.

It was relaxing and quiet and snowy and fun. It felt like a true break and your dad and I felt grateful to be able to enjoy the time.

Because, (and here is the lesson I have for you today) sometimes you don’t need a whole heap of activities or plans or really anything at all to have a really good time. Sometimes it’s nice to slow down the pace, drink that second cup of coffee (just kidding, you guys obviously don’t drink coffee) and hang out.

There is something really special about taking pleasure in the little things and going at your own pace. Try and remember that next time you feel busy and overwhelmed. A Saturday at home can be as rejuvenating as a day at the spa. Almost.

In the meantime, back to our regularly scheduled shit show over here.

xo

Mom

A white Christmas

Free falling

December 18, 2017

Dear Babies,

Ok, 3 things to discuss today and the first is that it is Baby’s 6 month birthday today. Woah. Time. Slow. Down. I still feel like it was only yesterday that I gave birth but her rapid growth would suggest otherwise. At 6 months I can report with confidence that you, Baby, are happy. You literally wake up and go to bed smiling. Waking makes you happy, sleeping makes you happy, eating makes you happy and I make you happy and in fact, the only thing that doesn’t make you happy is a) being away from me and b) falling in the snow (more on that in a second…). Today I asked your dad if your cry sounded weird and his answer was “I don’t even really know what her cry sounds like” – that’s how much you cry.

You don’t seem to care for food but more for the table chills that you like to be a part of, you enjoy activities such as rolling on the floor and trying to crawl, you sit, you play with this cool sensory rattle that we have and you overall are just pretty amazing. If I’m being super honest, I think our falling in love process took longer than I expected it to but I am literally obsessed with you and even just writing about you makes me want to go into your room where you are sleeping, scoop you up and give you a million kisses – although I won’t because, sleep.

So it is with a heavy heart that I report on today’s mishap. I took you to the passport office to get your passport done (which is already the most annoying chore) and of course, forgot a document so I had to leave and come back (which was an even more annoying chore) and we were walking back to the car. I was wearing you in a carrier and it was, to say it nicely,  a totally shit day. I lost my footing and slipped on a slush pile and fell. hard. real hard. I fucking fell and took you down with me, Baby and it was the scariest thing that has happened to me in a long time. Yes, my knee immediately blew up to the size of an elephant knee and turned an odd shade of blue but moreover, you were within one inch of smashing your head into the pavement and for that I am traumatized.

You ended up being fine but had me scared all day. I often play out horrible scenarios of bad things that could happen in my head (and don’t pretend you don’t do that too – k?) but never had I ever pictured falling on and almost crushing my baby. I’ll be adding that to the ongoing list of shit that makes me never want to leave the house or let you guys leave the house ever.

But my real point of contention with today was the man who was standing outside the building where I fell smoking a cigarette and doing NOTHING to help. Ok fine, people are shitty and kindness to one’s neighbour may be a thing of the past (although not to everyone) BUT I would think that it would be just a basic human thing to go check on a woman and a baby who take a nasty fall (and an audible one, I sure screamed my head off when it happened). RIGHT??????

Like, WTF!!! What could this guy have been thinking?

The only thing he even said in acknowledgment was “take it slow now, no need to rush anywhere” UM THANK YOU ASSHOLE BUT I WASN’T EVEN MOVING FAST TO BEGIN WITH. I mean, come on. I think that it really struck me how selfish and self absorbed people are these days and how little humanity there is sometimes.

So my lesson to you guys today is BE KIND. Smile at people, hold open doors and for gosh sakes, if you see someone fuck up their knee on a slushy sidewalk, go ask if they are ok.

In the meantime, I ordered myself a pair of WAY TOO expensive winter boots with super traction and I plan to never leave my house again until spring. Who’s with me?

xo

Mom

Free falling

Mom and Dad

December 11, 2017

Dear Babies,

Last night your dad and I were doing the old wrangle-up-kids-for-bed dance. It’s the same routine every night: Mom feeds baby and usually puts baby to bed, Dad bathes you both and then begins bedtime for toddler and then we usually share putting toddler down to bed.

For the past few nights you have been asking specifically for Mom and here’s my truth: I love it. It makes me feel loved and wanted and there is nothing that makes my day more complete than ending it with story and song time. So suffice to say that when you ask for me, I say yes.

Last night your dad was missing you and really wanted to do bedtime (which he did) but you had asked for Mom so we had a mini argument over what we do in that situation.

I feel like it’s important to give you the one-on-one time with the parent you request if possible, your dad feels like you are always happy with whoever is there and we can’t give a yes to every single thing you ask for.

I mean, I’m obviously right here but whatever. Last night worked in his favour because your sister took a bit longer to get to sleep so by the time I was ready for you, you were more than halfway through songs and stories with Dad.

But I really do feel like we should be respecting your wishes and that giving you the parent of your choice for bedtime isn’t giving you everything you want. It’s just one thing that we do.

Even if it’s not bedtime and it’s morning. Even if your dad goes upstairs to get ready right at crunch time leaving Mom to be the one to have to hustle you through breakfast. Even if Mom gets impatient because it’s 10 minutes to school time and we are all in our pjs still. Even when mom’s hustling gets irritated. Even when she feels really bad for being so irritable. Even when you then ask for Dad to take you to school. Even when you cry when you hear Mom is taking you and it breaks my fucking heart.

Even then.

I think that respecting people’s individual wants and needs in spite of your own bias is a really important thing to learn. It’s hard and it’s not always as self serving as we would want it to be but we are all unique and have unique wants and needs and they should all be heard.

Even when they are opposite of what I want.

In the meantime, please let me take you to school next time. Or at least don’t forget about me at bedtime.

xo

Mom

Mom and Dad

Dragging down the street

December 8, 2017

Dear Babies,

This morning was not my finest parenting. I picked you, my eldest, up from a class and the mission was to walk 3 blocks to the car stopping only once for a croissant. What. A. Flop.

I don’t know why I was so impatient – maybe it was the baby not sleeping or my blocked duct boob pain (more on that later) but I was at maybe a 10% level of tolerance so when you started dragging your little feet on the skateboard attachment of the stroller, I lost my mind.

And of course, me being upset made you more upset and then one thing led to another and I was basically dragging you down the street to the car while you tried to kick me. It was messy and it was chaos and I was pissed and you were pissed and the whole thing sucked.

Because the truth is what the fuck do I care if we take an hour to walk to the car? If you want to dangle your feet, why does that bother me? Oh, you ruin your boots? Big deal. You’re two.

I hate rushing you, I hate getting annoyed at you and I feel ashamed that I let a nothing situation escalate. But I’m not perfect. Far from it.

I try really really hard to show you kindness and to see the world through your curious, impatient and free eyes but sometimes I fail and I’m sorry.

I think and I hope that the lesson here is that sometime you slip up and mistakes happen all the time but it’s important to recover and regroup. If you’re intention is honest and you try to do good, a few bad choices can’t hold you down.

Also learn the art of an apology. I’m going to tell you how sorry I am for losing my cool on you when you wake up from nap and I hope this encourages you to always own up to your own mistakes and seek to make things right as you inevitably fuck up in the future.

In the meantime, a few calming breaths later and I am anxiously awaiting you to wake up so we can get back to our regular scheduled awesomeness.

xo

Mom

Dragging down the street

New friends

December 7, 2017

Dear Babies,

It’s quite amazing how fast we forget things. As humans we are highly adaptable and there is clear evidence in the way we procreate. If we could remember how hard labour is and how crazy-making those few first weeks were, no one would do it again. Evidence is in our new friend, baby boy.

Baby boy is the second baby of our close friend and my immediate reaction to hearing about his birth was a pang of longing. Longing to hold a newborn, to engage in those very first steps of meeting someone you know intimately well and the peace and happiness they bring. I imagine my friend in bliss with her newborn, which I’m sure she is but I forget the rest.

The sleepless nights, the pain, the feeling like you just abandoned your first born, the mental anguish, the people wanting to come over while you bleed into a diaper. That stuff.

And I think that there’s a good lesson here which is that even when something seems terrible, it soon shall pass and you may even find yourself looking back on a time that was kind of awful with rose coloured glasses. You may even want to do it all over again.

In the meantime, I’ll inhale someone else’s newborn for now and enjoy my perfect hindsight (aka totally warped and reimagined).

xo

Mom

New friends

My packages

November 30, 2017

Dear Babies,

I got this great big package in the mail today and was delighted to find new clothes for you both inside. I did some pretty big shops over Black Friday/ Cyber Monday and I am really enjoying that surge in dopamine that comes with every package delivered. So, I might have a shopping problem. So, I just do. So? There has to be an upside to waking up at 3am every night. K?

Anyways, I unpacked your new clothes and thought about all the clothing we just packed up that will be passed down or given away and I wondered if there will ever come a time that I won’t want a baby again? This isn’t to say we will or won’t have another (although it’s super unlikely that we will, but that’s another story) but more to say that will I ever not miss those tiny clothes and itty bitty socks and mini hats that are being delivered to the next baby in our group of friends?

I just marvel at you both every day and I can’t imagine that this is the last time I will watch a baby grab her little feet for the first time. Stuff like that.

And I guess what’s really amazing about this is how mere weeks ago, I was laying in bed praying for some sleep and relief from the exhaustion of baby. It’s incredible how fast we forget and re-see the past in rose coloured glasses.

When I joke with my husband about baby 3 he jokes back that he could handle and infant but not me post partum and losing my fucking mind. Fair. But give me 10 solid weeks and I’m back to “normal” and better than ever armed with a heart that has doubled in size and capacity. So there you go.

In the meantime, I’m not sure either of you needed those biker onesies that you’ll fast outgrow and I will cry putting away but if buying adorable stuff for your kids isn’t one of the luxuries of parenthood, what is?

xo

Mom

My packages

Your little feet

November 25, 2017

Dear Babies,

This morning we were sitting downstairs listening to Aqua’s “Doctor Jones” (omg my 90’s dreams came true) and I was tickling your feet and legs and it dawned on me…

Your feet are real feet. Not tiny baby squishy feet like your sister but real human feet. They are big and you can use them and like a wave of emotion it reminded me that time is passing and my baby is now my little girl and my infant is now my baby.

No pressure but if you could both let me eat those feet forever, I would be a lot easier with letting time go by.

xo

Mom

Your little feet

5 month itch

November 20, 2017

Dear Babies,

One of the biggest fuck you’s in motherhood is the physicality of it. So you get pregnant and minus a few weeks where you just look fat, you mostly look amazing. I have literally never looked better than while pregnant. My skin glowed, my hair was a lustrous mane of goddess goodness and my beautiful belly made my arms and legs look great. Plus I was literally making life. So that.

Then you give birth and obviously you look like shit because you’ve just been hit with the Mack truck of life but NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO LOOK GOOD. Like, if you shower that’s a huge win.

That lasts for about 3-4 months and then the haze lifts and you feel back to normal but…

Then shit gets hairy. And I kind of mean that literally. There you are ready to get back to life and suddenly and without warning your hair falls out. I mean FALLS OUT. Like clumps. Like how am I not bald by now? And your once lustrous mane that was the envy of all your sisters is a shell of what it was. A lifeless, texture-less mess. Great.

Your body also settles. This means that the skin starts to sag and buckle. There’s no baby stretching that belly skin out and you’ve recovered just enough to look exactly like a chicken McNugget naked. I’m sure this why post partum women have rampant sex lives. Who wouldn’t want to share their naked lumpy body?? Ha.

Your skin dulls, nails stop growing and while you are expected to snap back, you notice your jeans are just too low to be sitting on the floor with a baby and toddler and your sweaters with their side vents show your entire subsequent muffin top.

Now before you beat me to it, I know, I JUST HAD A BABY – my second. I know that my body is a gorgeous goddess temple of wonder and I don’t expect to look like a supermodel now (or ever). I’m not lamenting my body in general just the fact that it is at its all time low when you are meant to be reintroduced to the world. It would be like having your worst pimple ever the night of prom. It doesn’t make you gross or ugly, you just might wish it didn’t happen like that.

We obviously celebrate our bodies and lives very day in this house, ok?

But if Mother Nature could figure out a way to let us keep our hair and pregnancy glow forever, that would be swell. In the meantime, I’ll be here wasting money on serums and scalp masks to help.

xo

Mom

5 month itch

6 years ago

November 19, 2017

Dear Babies,

Today is your parent’s 6 year wedding anniversary and at this time 6 years ago we were having our pictures taken at the Brickworks already in tux and gown. Marriage, as it turns out, is a lot of work. I don’t claim to be an expert (pretty sure I told your dad to fuck off this morning) but I have learned a few things over 6 years of married life.

First of all, as mentioned above, being married is work. Being romantic is work, being communicative is work. It’s all work that if you fail to put in, will ruin a relationship. There are bad days, weeks and even months in a relationship. I’m sure that in the long run if you make it to 50 years there are even bad years but I guess the hope is that the good far outweighs the bad. I think a lot of people expect love to be magical – and it is but it’s also unglamorous, hard and challenging. You should know that going in so that you don’t run screaming when the going gets tough because it will one way or another.

Second, it’s really easy to not make the time. We live together so your dad and I see each other every day. It can make the idea of “catching up” seem silly but silly it’s not. It’s essential to the core of us to reconnect and make specific and cherished time to do so. This is true of all the relationships you’re going to have. It’s easy to take people for granted. Don’t.

Third thing is that marriage means your tied to this person and all their goods and bads. Yup, I’m going to say it. Your dad is annoying as fuck sometimes but guess what? I still love him more than anything.

Finally, marriage when done right should feel like a never ending slumber party hangout with your best friend. If you have any other scenario, no judgement but you’re doing it wrong.

So here’s hoping that whoever you spend your time with is as rewarding and wonderful as this marriage. You deserve it.

xo

Mom

6 years ago