Mother’s Day

May 13, 2018

Dear Babies,

Mother’s Day is a funny holiday because it’s likes are so not appreciated  you have a mother – me, and I have a mother and in theory, she could have a mother and everyone is working collectively to please their mothers. If we have learned anything from the movies, striving to please your mother is a futile exercise and one that ends up making everyone unhappy. And so Hallmark brings you the day of all days for disappointments galore: Mother’s Day.


What is a day made to celebrate moms turns in to a day where you try to please your mom and usually miss the mark.

I mean, let’s be real. If you wanted to celebrate me or acknowledge my hard work as a mom you could invest in some kind of new vagina and boobs for me to have – what?? who said that??? Not me. Mine are just great… yes… greeaattttt.

K, moving on. Your poor dad spent this mother’s day trying to facilitate a nice day for me while balancing the fact that you guys are so little and have no fucking clue what’s going on or why throwing a shitty tantrums are SO not appreciated. I spent the day worrying about making my mom happy and while my mother in law was out of town (smart woman), your dad worried about pleasing his grandmother. In short everyone spent the day worrying about everyone else’s happiness.

Here’s what I propose: next year we all gather in a park where no one has to do dishes or host or cook or clean, kids can run their sillies out and we can chill on a blanket and enjoy life. Bring food if you want, don’t if you don’t want and no one needs to get busy.

I? can speak only for myself when I say that all the flowers and chocolate are super sweet and entirely unnecessary. I would rather have a multitude of days spent together happily with my kids and my mom than one day where everyone feels pressure t go overboard. I would rather be a great mom and daughter every damn day than just one. To me, that’s the greatest gift of all – years of amazing relationships.

So bye to dinners no one wants to have, family get togethers that no one wants to go to, gifts no one cares about and shit no one needs. We did a mini park chill version of my dream this year and it was fucking great. Kids had a great time, I had a great time, my mom had a great time and everyone in between didn’t have the pressure of doing a damn thing. Win.

So the lesson here is that if you are a good person and family member every day, you get cart blanche for those silly Hallmark holidays and you don’t have to buy me overpriced flowers (but you can if you want to).

As for me, I literally celebrate Mother’s Day every day because it’s the best job in the universe and I am head over heels for my two tiny bosses.



Mother’s Day

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