March 21, 2016
Before we had you, we had a baby.on March 17th 2014 He was born at 14 pounds of black fluffy goodness. He came into our home that May.
Puppy love is pretty amazing. It is unconditional, adorable and fun. It is long walks in the park and early morning cuddles. It is wet kisses and dry humps.
When we struggled to get pregnant, this puppy was light in dark times. When I was at my lowest and saddest, he was there to distract me. In my mind, he would lap up my tears. In reality he’s not really such a sensitive guy.
And Baby, I was that obnoxious dog owner from day 1. Some highlights of shit I said before you and being a first time dog-Mom that I now see were really stupid include:
“Oh, your baby cries at night. I totally get it, so does my dog”.
“Oh, I completely understand the life- changing nature of having a baby. I have a dog.”
“Responsibility? I get that completely because I have to come home to my dog every day. That is just like caring for a baby.”
For starters, you can put a dog in a cage and leave your house without him. Babies, not so much.
Dogs can be trained in about 3 weeks to do all the things they will ever really need to do. There is nothing that a piece of cheese can’t motivate them to accomplish. Want your dog to sit? Cheese. A dog will learn to do fucking cartwheels while barking the national anthem for cheese so, there’s that.
Yes, dog poo is pretty gross but you pick it up with a plastic bag and you don’t have to wipe a dog’s ass (although I did one time have to pick dried poo out of our dogs butthole which is somewhat on par with a bum wipe).
Dogs don’t need to sleep trained, potty trained or trained in the arts of language, politeness or manners. Dogs are dogs.
Sure, our dog still hurls his now 60 pound body at guests in our home when they walk through the door but in his defence, it’s friendly and he is blissfully unaware of his size- for better or worse.
Being a dog mama before you was great. Being a dog and baby mama is a whole new ball game. It’s a lot of work mashed into one.
The pros to this full family are pretty obvious;
1. I get a puppy and a baby to play with
2. You get a puppy and he gets a baby to play with
3. Photo ops
4. Long family walks
5. You will hopefully be raised to be pretty fearless about animals. Lord know that it’s hard to be scared of a huge dog when you are walking said dog
6. Did I mentioned babies and puppies?
The cons are a bit more con-y
1. OUR HOUSE IS ALWAYS MESSY
2. I perpetually smell like baby puke and dog
3. Speaking of, I clean puke from one of you weekly
4. Winter walks
5. Making sure that the puppy doesn’t gauge out one of your eyes when he is near you by accident
6. Making sure you don’t gauge out one of his
Mostly, it’s great but I do owe a HUGE apology to all the people I made ignorant comments to. I have both now and Baby, you are WAY harder than a dog.
Right now, he is sitting by the window patiently watching the world. I’m watching you in the monitor as you recklessly fling yourself around and I am praying you don’t whack your head again.
That’s just this one moment.
But the lesson here may not be clear because I’m basically saying a million things. The lesson is that dogs are the spice of life. I hope you have amazing memories of your huge puppy and I hope our life as a family is always filled with sweet canine love.
Dogs are the best and he may not be a real baby but he will always be our fur baby.
In the meantime, go back to sleep!