March 26, 2016

Dear Baby,

My own immediate family has a funny dynamic. My sister (your aunt) looks like my mom (your Bubby) has half of my moms personality and has the most in common with my dad (your Zaidy). I look like my dad, have half the personality of my dad and the most in common with my mom. 

But that being said, there is no denying that I am a daddy’s girl through and through. I don’t often see my dad cry but when I do it’s for sweet things like the time I told him I was pregnant with you. 

Today is his 65th birthday and I can’t help but think about the relationship you are just beginning with your own dad. 

Your dad is also a wonderful man. He’s not really anything like my dad except for that they are both genuine, kind and generous people who love their daughters. My dad has only cried on specific occasions that have a lot of emotional weight. Your dad probably got emotionally welled up this week over nothing. 

I wonder if at 65 you will be as proud and loving to your dad. I really hope so. He is such a good dad. Seriously. He is amazing. 

Anyways, lesson: call your dad. He loves you. 

In the meantime, I’m going to call your dad and mine. 

xo

Mom

March 24, 2016

Dear Baby,

All our bags are packed, we’re ready to go….

After only 2 FULL FUCKING HOURS.

Here’s the thing- babies come with so much crap. There is the things that we are all packing like clothes and toiletries and then there is the excess like; a pack and play, bottles, toys, 400 extra diapers in case this day is the day of poo-nami. You name it, we pack it. 

There is no leaving the house like a normal collected person. Even going down the street to walk the dog I am packing a wrap, a blanket, a phone, a fucking person wrapped to me, the dog, his poo bags and a leash. I am a one woman circus. And that’s ON MY STREET. 

Our saving grace was arriving before our hosts so they didn’t have to watch the 5 trips it took to unpack items like your portable high chair from the car. 

Lesson: learn to pack light or have no shame. My tendency to overpack happened long before you did and one of my challenges is owning more of who I am. 

My name is mom and I am an overpacker. 

In the meantime, I’ll be googling how to pack a baby, a husband and an overpacker for an international 2 week vacation (stay tuned….)

xo

Mom

March 23, 2016

Dear Baby,

We have been working our asses off to plump you up as per the doctor’s request and you have been taking to the excess food and beverage choices wonderfully. You eat like a champ and you seem to not give any fucks at all about formula- in a good way.

When we began formula, as you know, I was hesitant but I figured at the very least an extremely full tummy would make you sleep even longer and better than you already were. Wrong.

Suddenly our amazing sleeper began waking at odd hours in the middle of the night. 1am, 3am, 4am. I know that a lot of babies do this but when you are used to a full uninterrupted night sleep, this seems a bit nuts. (Sidebar: I don’t even know how people deal with a second baby and going through the sleeplessness again. It’s phenomenal how fast we forget what it felt like to wake up in the middle of the night. Now when I get woken up I feel totally fucked up whereas before I just felt permanently fucked up).

Anywho, we hmmm-ed and haw-ed over this conundrum and your dad brilliantly suggested that maybe you were waking up again at all hours of the night because you are too full. This theory was supported by some seriously stank middle of the night diapers so it seemed logical.

We switched feeding you formula during the day and stuck to boob before bed and voila. 2 nights of your usual amazing sleep. You seem happier. I am happier. Your dad is still waking up twice a night to watch you on the monitor. At least one of us is crazy.

So here’s the moral. When you try something new and it seems like it isn’t working, be open to making some modifications. Often things need a little tweak to make them work for you.

Just because your friends and well- wishers tell you to do something one way does not mean that this will be the exact way it will jive in your world. We are all unique and individual people and as such have our own needs and wants. Baby, try variations of things that suit your needs and don’t be scared to experiment with ideas and solutions to make them serve you.

In the meantime, I’ve got some packing to do- we are heading up north come hell or… Freezing rain????

xo

Mom

March 21, 2016

Dear Baby,

Before we had you, we had a baby.on March 17th 2014 He was born at 14 pounds of black fluffy goodness. He came into our home that May.

Puppy love is pretty amazing. It is unconditional, adorable and fun. It is long walks in the park and early morning cuddles. It is wet kisses and dry humps.

When we struggled to get pregnant, this puppy was light in dark times. When I was at my lowest and saddest, he was there to distract me. In my mind, he would lap up my tears. In reality he’s not really such a sensitive guy.

And Baby, I was that obnoxious dog owner from day 1. Some highlights of shit I said before you and being a first time dog-Mom that I now see were really stupid include:

“Oh, your baby cries at night. I totally get it, so does my dog”.

“Oh, I completely understand the life- changing nature of having a baby. I have a dog.”

“Responsibility? I get that completely because I have to come home to my dog every day. That is just like caring for a baby.”

WRONG

For starters, you can put a dog in a cage and leave your house without him. Babies, not so much. 

Dogs can be trained in about 3 weeks to do all the things they will ever really need to do. There is nothing that a piece of cheese can’t motivate them to accomplish. Want your dog to sit? Cheese. A dog will learn to do fucking cartwheels while barking the national anthem for cheese so, there’s that. 

Yes, dog poo is pretty gross but you pick it up with a plastic bag and you don’t have to wipe a dog’s ass (although I did one time have to pick dried poo out of our dogs butthole which is somewhat on par with a bum wipe).

Dogs don’t need to sleep trained, potty trained or trained in the arts of language, politeness or manners. Dogs are dogs. 

Sure, our dog still hurls his now 60 pound body at guests in our home when they walk through the door but in his defence, it’s friendly and he is blissfully unaware of his size- for better or worse. 

Being a dog mama before you was great. Being a dog and baby mama is a whole new ball game. It’s a lot of work mashed into one. 

The pros to this full family are pretty obvious;

1. I get a puppy and a baby to play with

2. You get a puppy and he gets a baby to play with

3. Photo ops

4. Long family walks

5. You will hopefully be raised to be pretty fearless about animals. Lord know that it’s hard to be scared of a huge dog when you are walking said dog

6. Did I mentioned babies and puppies?

The cons are a bit more con-y

1. OUR HOUSE IS ALWAYS MESSY

2. I perpetually smell like baby puke and dog

3. Speaking of, I clean puke from one of you weekly

4. Winter walks

5. Making sure that the puppy doesn’t gauge out one of your eyes when he is near you by accident 

6. Making sure you don’t gauge out one of his

Mostly, it’s great but I do owe a HUGE apology to all the people I made ignorant comments to. I have both now and Baby, you are WAY harder than a dog. 

Right now, he is sitting by the window patiently watching the world. I’m watching you in the monitor as you recklessly fling yourself around and I am praying you don’t whack your head again.

That’s just this one moment. 

But the lesson here may not be clear because I’m basically saying a million things. The lesson is that dogs are the spice of life. I hope you have amazing memories of your huge puppy and I hope our life as a family is always filled with sweet canine love. 

Dogs are the best and he may not be a real baby but he will always be our fur baby. 

In the meantime, go back to sleep!

xo

Mom

March 20, 2016

Dear Baby,

I am ever the Robert Munsch fan. I grew up on that baby- crack and I still vote the Paperback Princess as one of the most badass girl stories out there but yesterday before your nap we read Love You Forever and Mr. Munsch.

What. The. Fuck.

What kind of a bullshit tug-at-your-heartstrings kind of crap is that?

Did I want to spend my whole day teary eyed and emotional? Not really. I had shit to do and no one at Dufferin Mall thought it was sweet or endearing to watch a grown ass woman weep at the newborn onesies at Toys R Us that her baby doesn’t fit into anymore.

Who needs a story like that? It’s like, hey parents. Let’s remind you what a short journey you have to your inevitable death while you give your entire heart and life to another person. Let’s really push how fast this all goes and how soon it will be that you will be an obsolete figure in your child’s life no longer needed to rock and sooth them.

Come. On.

I feel like the whole entire basis of that book is practically tattooed on the heart of every new parent. No one needs an illustrated reminder.

Plus, who should be crying while they read to their baby? That’s not cool.

Oh what, you didn’t cry reading that book? Sorry about your soul- no soul.

I think the lesson here today is pretty clear. Don’t buy that fucking book. Don’t do it. It looks cute. It isn’t.

Fair warning to prevent you from several public meltdowns and a night of crying about chocolate commercials.

In the meantime, back to Goodnight Moon.

xo

Mom

March 18, 2016

Dear Baby,

Holy f-ing balls. How are you half a year old. I basically feel like I gave birth, blinked and here we are. Tomorrow you will be 20. 

6 month old you is so awesome, Baby. You are blossoming before our very eyes and becoming more and more of a person with your own unique self. You have a sense of humour, you anticipate things, you are hungry- both to learn and to eat and you are stubborn and determined. 

We are starting to see how much of us you have in you and starting to get scared for the little devil that you are sure to become. 

A great example is eating. YOU WILL NOT BE FED. No way, no how. You take that spoon from us and even if you just stab yourself in the eye with avocado, you’ll be damned if we airplane that food into your mouth. 

Determined. 

You roll, you laugh and you are becoming fascinated with tiny details like zippers. You stand supported and love putting things in your mouth. 

You also sleep pretty well with no set schedule which makes my love of the unstructured life a lot easier (except when you decide to get up at 3:30am- I prefer the structure of a full nights sleep where possible please and thank you). You can nap anywhere right now and as such, we go everywhere. 

This week alone we went up to a friend’s cottage overnight, we went to the doctor, an outdoor centre, shopping, walking, grocery stores and to visit family. You are a busy busy lady. 

One of my favourite things you have been doing is really touching and exploring faces. It is so damn cute with your tiny little hands. 

Basically I am obsessed with you and I am so happy to have spent the past 6 months being with you. You make every single day a fucking delight and it’s been a really long time since I had the urge to take a little time for myself. The best time I can imagine spending is with you. 

Happy half birthday to my little peanut. 

xo

Mom

March 17, 2016

Dear Baby,

Today we had your six month checkup and shots. When it came to your big weigh in I held my breath and prayed that the extra pound you needed to gain was there. It wasn’t. Baby, I am sure that by the time you read this you will be a normal sized thriving girl but as a baby you were SO TINY. 

Here, at our six month mark you weigh 10 pounds and 4 ounces and are the total size of a peanut. 

If anyone saw how much food you can pack in at mealtime they would be shocked that you are so little. I think today alone you ate; half an avocado, a cup of sweet potato, applesauce, oatmeal, rice and cod  oh, and a spoon of peanut butter in the parking lot of the doctors office. 

Nonetheless, your weight is low and the doctor gave me 3 options for you. 

1. Take a medicine called Donperidone (which sounds a lot like a sexy champagne but is just a really unsexy drug that helps produce more milk in nursing mothers). 

2. Supplement with…dum dum dum… FORMULA

3. Go for a series of “failure to thrive” tests. 

We agreed that it seems unlikely that you are not thriving based on your bowel movements alone (ug sorry Baby. Now the whole Internet knows that you were a regularly pooping baby. Embarrassing but probably not the most embarrassing thing I have ever done so, ha). 

I agreed to take the drug and give you a “top up” of formula before bed. And then I cried the whole way home. 

I have said before and I will maintain that I am not against formula. I don’t care how anyone else feeds their baby but for you, I really had wanted to nurse and I am so disappointed that for whatever reason I was unable to do that 100 percent. 

Your dad keeps telling me to look at the top up as a protein shake for babies. This would be ok if babies TRADITIONALLY DRANK PROTEIN SHAKES. Spoiler alert: they don’t. 

Anyways, the end of that part of the story is that I have to put my own feelings aside and do what is best for you so I popped the donperidone, filled up a bottle with Nestle Good Start and went for it. 

You nursed and then happily took the formula bottle, ate it all, immediately looked into my eyes upon completion and crapped and then while I was changing you, projectile spat up all over your pyjamas. 

Was it a success? That’s hard to say. 

In any event, the point is that sometimes we all could use a little help, Baby. 

Whatever it is that might help you one day as you face any number of struggles – whether they be as major as mental health or emotional issues or minor as feeling like a failure for having to supplement your babes food, don’t be scared.

The only real fails are when you are too proud or too unaware to ask and receive the help you need. 

We are always here to help you. And sorry about the crap/barf. It was as gross for me as it was for you. 

xo

Mom

March 12, 2016

Dear Baby,

Yesterday I bit the bullet and went by myself (with you) to a new mom and baby workout class. I was sceptical as the last attempt I made at working out with you was a total disaster and resulted in me sitting on a floor feeding you for 50% of the class and then the other 50% dangling toys in your face so you would be entertained. 

If that was a “good workout” I would be a fucking body builder by now. 

I had heard some really good things about this particular class and since for me, it seems pretty damn near impossible to go to the gym once you are asleep (because WHO WANTS TO WORK OUT WHEN THE VOICE IS ON???) I thought that we would give it a whirl. Pun intended. 

Spoiler alert: the class was amaze balls. 
It was hard and it was fast and although you actually fell asleep for most of it, it was stimulating for the babies and best of all, they let the mamas work out and the instructor took care of the babies. 

Win. Win. 
Everyone was happy. Babies were happy being picked up and bounced and smiled at when needed. Moms were happy to have 60 minutes to work on that bikini body (haha. Obviously kidding onesie body at best- amiright???). 

Actually, the real treat was that the babies got to watch their mamas do something important- take care of themselves and their mind/body. 

I’m no expert but I think that having your baby in a fun, new environment where they get to watch you do something productive for yourself is probably a great way to begin teaching them about all those wonderful things like self worth, self esteem and confidence. It also allows them to see mom as someone who has a great and busy life outside of the times she spends making funny noises and faces at baby. 

Win. Win. 

So Baby, today’s lesson is that when you have something that you want to do but can’t get it done the traditional way- get creative. 

I wanted to work out, couldn’t bring you to the gym with me and couldn’t manage going after putting you to bed so I got creative and went to this class. Sure, it’s not like I invented the class but I tried it and found that it worked. 

In life, you may have expectations of how things will go but should you ever hit a road block just know that if you search you will find a new, different and maybe even better way to achieve your goals. 

In the meantime, just going to try and figure out how to carry you around all day with this SUPER SORE body of mine. TGIS

xo

Mom

March 11, 2016

Dear Baby,

Fucking Wonder Weeks. Please be more accurate in telling me when my baby is going to be “fussy.”

So quaint. My baby is just “fussy.” Sure, you screamed so loud I actually thought you were going to barf while you stared at me daring me to try one more comforting tactic but it’s just so “fussy.”

Yes, I am sitting in a chair for 2 hours while you sleep on me because I am genuinely scared to put you in your crib and accidentally rouse you/ unleash the beast. No big deal. I didn’t have anything to do this morning anyways. Who needs a clean house or a sane mom? 

Fussy- ness. 

Predictable. Manageable. Terrible. 

The light at the end of our tunnel is that I know now like never before that this “fussy” behaviour means a change is a coming. 

Round one happened a few weeks ago. In what felt like a split second your cries went from normal baby shit to blood curling, demon- possessed craziness. I was all like, why is our precious little baby losing her shit? How do these sounds even come from such a usually happy and even- keeled person?

It lasted one week and then, like magic you learned how to roll from your back to your front and the crying stopped. 

In its place came a sequence of events that led to you never being able to be left alone on the floor again. 

You rolled to your side and seemed shocked, you rolled to your side tummy and seemed shocked and then you rolled right over and seemed shocked-est. The next day you rolled as of you had had this skill from birth and spent your whole day rolling around the house. By day 3 you were rolling in your sleep and on day four you actively rolled onto your stomach to sleep when I put you down. 

And with that, a mobile baby you became. 

You have been moving and shaking ever since and your dad and I watch in amazement and delight as you navigate your way around your playmat and crib. Your dad woke me up in the middle of the night last week to show me how much you were moving around on the monitor (and then he learned the valuable lesson of “never wake a sleeping mama”).

So when yesterday those exorcist cries stated again I was all like, another change must be coming. 

You have given me some hints as to what the change might be and I can’t wait to find out. 

So Baby, in the meantime I think it’s important to reiterate a lesson that will really be touched on many times in our lives (and this blog), the light at the end of the tunnel. 

There is always one if you look for it and no matter how much you are certain that you are in the worst possible situation (or just listening to the worst possible cries), there will come and end and everything will get better and stronger. 

And if you get trapped in the tunnel, don’t worry. I can assure you that your pipes are loud enough that I will be able to hear you and find you. 

xo

Mom

March 10, 2016

Dear Baby,

You are such a great eater! I must say I am by no means surprised that you love eating and sleeping. It makes me feel like you are def my baby even though your red/ blond hair and blue eyes suggest otherwise (kidding, I hope). 

You have literally eaten your way through our fridge and enjoyed foods like; sweet potato, squash, cauliflower, zucchini, oatmeal, apples, avocado and banana. Yesterday you even had chicken. 

Pretty much the only food you wouldn’t touch was carrots which is so random. We will have to try it again. 

The inevitable result of all this great eating is new poo. I was told to expect it, warned that it would come and yet when it did, I was shocked. 

Baby poo is interesting to begin with. It starts out looking like watery mustard and sort of darkens and gets a green hue to it as breastfeeding progresses. I have no idea what formula poo looks like so ifs the speak to it it I imagine it is equally liquidy. Breast milk poo is usually the texture of watery mucus or runny egg whites if we want to be less disgusting. 

And then, with one bit of solid food came real human poo. I opened the diaper and voila, a formed blob of sweet potato laced poo. It’s BANANAS. Literally. 

I wish I was not that mom but I fucking LOVE your poos. I eagerly await them and then check them out rigorously to see what they contain. Am I a revolting person? Yes. But what I do in the privacy of my home is no ones business (except everyone reading because I just shared on this public forum). 

Anywho, your poo. It’s awesome. 

What great lesson comes from this? 

Everybody poos?

Enjoy your poo?

It’s totally ok to take pictures of really interesting poos and send them to people to see?

All of the above?

I’m done. 

xo

Mom