July 14, 2017
We call a lot of things “big girl” things in this house. Perhaps it’s to encourage you to try them, perhaps to distinguish what the expectations are between you and the baby, perhaps it’s just something we say.
Big girl stairs is a biggie. For weeks we have been holding your hands and letting you walk up the stairs (as opposed to doing it on your own but in a crawl position). You think it’s hilarious to use your legs like that and we often count the stairs or say funny things on each one to mark them off.
And then this week, you let go of our hands.
You did big girl stairs like a big girl and I nearly lost my mind.
I mean, you quite literally let go of our helping hands and took a literal step towards your own independence.
And while I’m thrilled to see you mastering your body and learning how maneuver it in the world around you, I can’t help but feel the pangs of being needed less. One day it’s walking up stairs, the next you are gone to university. Dramatic? Maybe. I just had a baby 3 weeks ago so forgive the added emotions here.
So this post is just a reminder to you that you might not need to hold my hands anymore in order to get where you want to go, you may not want to have help as you climb your proverbial mountain but in case you do, I’m always up for a flight of big girl stairs. Or ten.
July 13, 2017
Here’s the truth. You have been a bit more difficult than we are used to. It’s hard. It’s hard because you are big enough to be really flingy and nuts when you have a tantrum and it’s hard because you understand and know so much that we have a hard time realizing that you are not always rational and communicative.
Just because you can tell us how you feel and what you need 90% of the time doesn’t mean that you will always be able to and we forget that. Fuck, I as an adult can’t always communicate my needs when I’m upset so how can I expect more from a just-under 2 year old.
It’s also hard because I often can’t respond in the way I want to. This is the difficulty in managing 2 kids. I’ll be feeding your sister and you will be stomping your feet and crying but I can only deal with one thing at a time. Unfortunately for you, sustaining life with boobs trumps rationalizing about why you can’t have blueberries exclusively for lunch. Again.
The good thing is that you are so damn cute that even your tantrums can be adorable. Yesterday you didn’t want to leave the bath, kicked the tub and hurt your foot. You woke up in the middle of the night crying for “beam on your foot”. Be cuter. We use “beam”(cream) on your bum when it’s sore from diaper rash so you obviously made the connection that “beam” makes you feel better – thus beam on those sore toes that you smashed into the wall.
Your ability to reason while being so fucking irrational is amazing.
Anyways. Just a good reminder that we don’t always have the best grasp on what we need and want when we are upset. This is not a flaw or a bad thing. It’s just the way we all are. You will and won’t outgrow these tantrums. You will and you won’t learn how to manage your feelings. You will and you won’t learn how to ask for that you need. So enjoy the ride.
Feelings. Gotta love them.
July 5, 2017
After a not so awesome day yesterday, I was so happy to wake up this morning feeling good enough to try and come see you at camp. Yesterday amid my hormonal breakdown, you began backyard camp which is basically a group of kids in the general neighbourhood rotating around backyards and doing mini activities every morning. Can you imagine anything cuter???
I was super determined to make it to today’s “soccer” camp class and I hauled my sore ass there just in time to watch you not play soccer and instead use the jungle gym and basically ignore everything else. It was as adorable as I had hoped it would be.
Your nanny held the baby and let me play with you and it was the best.
The more I start to feel better, the more time I’m getting to spend back with you and he more confident I am getting to be with both my little girls. I can’t wait for the days we spend all together just as much as the ones I get to spend with each of you individually.
I don’t know that I have so much to say to you tonight other than that I love you and I was so grateful to spend some time with you.
July 2, 2017
In the whirlwind of new Baby and all that has come with it in the past two weeks I have neglected to document something pretty important for you. Without any rhyme or reason, you began to actively pee in your potty and I nearly peed in my pants with excitement (ok, I definitely peed in my pants because another fun fact about a vaginal birth is that you basically have 1 second of time between having to pee and then just peeing. Or if you sneeze, you pee. It’s super sexy).
We have a grand total of 4 potty pees and 1 potty poo. It’s amazing.
I don’t know much about potty training because it hasn’t come up in general parenting conversation among my mom friends (because none of our kids are that age) but what I have heard about it scares the fuck out of me. I think the most popular method is to basically freak your kid out about shitting or peeing themselves to the point that they are scared not to use the potty. There’s some clever name for the technique and I want nothing to do with it.
I figured that the first step to not scaring you would be to introduce a potty early. That way, you would have had it around for so long that it would just be a normal thing. At first, you couldn’t have cared less. You ignored the potty. Fine. Then you began to put your dolls on the potty. Finally you sat on it yourself. A gradual introduction.
The second step to me is letting you do whatever the fuck you want. Want to pee in that potty? Cool. Not so much? Also cool. I highly doubt that you will be the last kid we know to potty train so I’m making sure your process is stress free and fun. There will be no scaring you into bathroom submission in this house.
Because in this house I believe in letting you feel confident and comfortable with everything. I can’t force my will on you with big steps. I have to trust you to show me when you are ready so that I can just help you along. It’s how I felt about sleep and how I continue to feel about any developmental milestone.
So are we excited that you are taking steps towards bathroom independence? Totally! But more because I’m proud that we have made you comfortable and secure enough to try something new and unknown. I would keep you in diapers for as long as you needed but I’m so happy that you are willing to take risks and go outside your comfort zone. It is an awesome quality.
That tinkle sound is the sound of my baby girl playing with her independence and confidence and it sounds like the most beautiful music to my ears.