October 19, 2017

Dear Babies,

2 of you sleeping is no joke. I get to catch up in a major way. From 0 posts in a month to 2 in one day. Lucky!!

So, last night sucked. I’m not going to name names but someone didn’t sleep AT ALL and drove us fucking crazy all night. Hint: you are currently sleeping in our room but soon to be moving into your own new room because of the above travesty. This morning was no better. The sleeplessness and waking up continued until about 5am when you got pulled into our bed which meant that mama (me) had to sleep with a human on her arm. It’s adorable, yes but also sweaty and super uncomfortable. I love it so much just not after not sleeping at all for a whole night – ya feel me?

Anyways, suffice to say that I woke up in a total shit mood. The world was grey and gloomy and I was M.A.D. When you didn’t take a proper morning nap I wondered why on earth I ever uttered the words “maybe we should have more babies” ever. I left the house late for my bootcamp and pissed at everything. Then I did my mom/baby workout and then magically, everything was better. The sky looked bluer and my outlook was a bit more optimistic than before. Because:

1. EVERYONE (and especially mamas who are tied to their baby 24/7) needs a fucking break. Girls, take some breaks. Give yourself time to do something for you. Is it selfish to make time for yourself? NO. It’s selfish not to and then to be a huge bitch.
2. Working out really does boost your mood. It’s not a gimmick to make you join a gym, it is a true fact of life. Every single day that I workout, I feel a zillion times better than when I don’t. Expending that energy gives me more energy and makes the little things, like a botched nap, seem pretty little.

You guys will have shit days and if you’re anything like me, you will have a hard time regulating yourself when you are overtired, overworked or just over it BUT, there is a saving grace in knowing that a little bit of self care goes a long long way. I remember when I was a brand new mom for the very first time, your dad got me a facial and I went for the hour and it was like having a month of good sleep. That hour away to recharge and regroup doing something loving for myself was the best.

So if and when life becomes overwhelming, go for a walk, a run or a class and release some of those great endorphins and then call me – I’ll take you for a good facial or glass of wine (legal age pending) any day of the week.

xo

Mom

October 19, 2017

Dear Babies,

Today marks our littlest being 4 months. Time has flown by in the way that any amazing/terrible experience does. In hindsight, it was fast. In the moment, painfully slow. I was re reading the 4 month entries from back in 2016 and it seems that, contrary to my narrative of it, this was pretty much the same for me back then too.

In my mind, I was sleeping blissful nights and enjoying every precious moment but it seems like I was a sleep deprived maniac then too which is comforting and scary.

At 4 months I can tell you that on the good side, you are a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY girl. You literally never cry (unless we’re home alone together after a particularly bad night (because, you know… karma???) and in fact when you are wide awake in the middle of every night, you are smiling away. That’s just you. Demanding but oh so happy. You are rolling around, cooing away, playing with your toys and seemingly fascinated with your sister (and who can blame you).

The bad is that the time and dedication I once had has been cut in 2 and divided by 10. I have not once spent a full day just with you doing nothing. It just doesn’t happen for us. I feel badly because it’s time that is special and time that I want to have but between your sister, life, work and maybe taking a shower here and there, it’s not happening. I hope the having a full loving house and 2 parents who know the drill and don’t freak out about everything is an adequate compensation to not having tons of one-on-one time.

In fairness, we do spend some quality time together and it is really nice and we still take epic naps cuddling in my bed (yup, in bed, don’t judge me) so it’s not to say we aren’t bonded – just to say that I wish I cold spend even more time together.

The hopefully soon to change is that you never fucking sleep. If you could get that together, I would be so much happier. Thanks.

Mostly though, having you both is great and a testament to that is the fact that I have your sister napping, you napping, the whole house to myself and here I am sitting and writing a blog about you to you. There you go.

And so my loves, with a little more sleep we should be a-ok and after a rough start and a REALLY TIRED day, I’m happy to be able to say that.

xo

Mom

October 16, 2017

Dear Babies,

It’s been a while. I’m sorry. Again. 2 kids is no joke and life is busy – to say the least. But I’m sitting here with your dad, coming down from a hot workout class (like, who ever thought that would be a good idea??? Make you work out in a heated room. Thanks. I sweat enough as is) and since he’s watching sports, I have basically silence. Minus the sports. He’s busy drooling at the tv screen.

So right now in life there is a huge women’s movement based on the recent true allegations of this Hollywood producer who was sexually assaulting women. It was physical and it was verbal and basically a zillion actresses and Hollywood people came forward and accused this major person of rape and abuse and so the dialogue begins.

The gist is that it’s not ok to sexually assault women. In the workplace or otherwise. And this extends from rape to unsolicited touching to sexual comments to even being fucking whistled at on the street. Finally, people are saying what we women have know for years. It’s just not ok.

So with all this going on in the media, you would guess that people would be EXTRA sensitive to not doing this shit. I mean, it’s crazy that it happens in the first place but now when the spotlight is on it, even crazier and yet…

I was out this weekend for your aunt’s stagette and we ended the night at a hard core dance club. Now, for the record, I don’t typically go to places like that. It was insane and I seriously hope you girls don’t go to places like that. I saw at least 3 separate “couples” have full out dry sex (I think dry) around me. Women were dressed in what even my teenage self would call fucking skimmmmpppppy. A piece of fabric is not a dress. K? And there were so many guys wearing sunglasses indoors. Newsflash: you still look high on coke, dude.

And don’t you think that not one, but at least 3 guys came over and physically touched me. It ranged from someone putting their arm around my shoulders to a guy pulling at my arm as I was walking to a guy trying to dance up behind me. All 3 times I said “no thank you” and all 3 times I was ignored. So just to repeat, in the wake of a huge conversation about violating women and their rights to have a safe and not fucking gross personal space, I was touched against my will more than one time in a given night.

And the thing about it was that it felt “normal.” It felt like the exact kind of behaviour I could expect and as a mom of two girls, as a woman, as a parent of the future generation and as a fucking human being, that makes me sick. I should have the right to go out dancing with my girlfriends (wearing whatever the fuck I want to) and not have anyone touch me without my consent.

Also, as a side note, not that I was personally interested but if I were – who goes home with a dude who grabs your arm? Like, you’re way better off trying to have a conversation. Or making cute eye contact. Anything other than basically trying to physically force a connection.

I digress. So basically it reminded me that while there is a conversation that is starting about how to treat women (and people – but in this case, women) and what is appropriate sexual behaviour (nothing that isn’t explicitly asked for and even then…) this conversation is just the beginning. Clearly, the message has not hit the club circuit and I’m sure has been missed in many instances that I really hope you never have to encounter.

By the time you read this I hope that you always feel safe, equal and respected but my guess is that we have a long way to go to make that happen and douchebags like my friends at the club will make that journey longer and harder because: stupidity and ignorance.

In the meantime, let’s sign you girls up for some serious martial arts and arm you with the confidence to know when something doesn’t feel right. You do not have to just take what is handed to you and you never have to submit sexually or otherwise to anyone. Ever.

Be strong in a world full of weakness.

There’s this hashtag going around so that woman can say “me too,” as in, I too have experienced some kind of sexual abuse or assault and the point is to show just how many women you know have been impacted. I could add a “me too” too many times to count. In our family, I hope that ends with me.

*Woah mom , way to come back to the blog with a vengeance.

xo

Mom