April 27, 2016
Style. You got it. As your primary fashion decision maker, I take my job really seriously and whether you are rocking head to toe polka dots or trying a hipster chic outfit complete with mandatory cool bandana, you are one seriously stylish lass.
Sure, one day you will hate the things I choose for you and die of embarrassment when I suggest a “cool” pink top but for now you are at my satirical whim and I LOVE IT.
And let’s be honest, will you really look back and cringe at your super fucking amazing outfits? I really hope not.
So while you leave the house every day looking like a rockstar, I can’t claim to be your best accessory. In fact, I know I’m taking our cool factor down a level because….
IT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRESS YOURSELF AFTER HAVING A BABY.
Ladies, are you with me?
Here’s the four pronged problem.
1. It’s been a long time since I bought clothes that were cool. Maternity clothing is never cool no matter what designer makes it and since getting pregnant, it’s been 15 months of scant style. Before getting pregnant, my go-to look was shabby boho chic ish. Meaning long flowy tops with an “I don’t give a fuck and maybe just rolled out of bed and just look this good first thing in the morning without trying (but also trying pretty hard)” vibe.
Now because I am always tired and actually coming straight out of bed, this look went from amazing to a literal hot mess. I don’t seem to need any help looking shabby or careless these days.
2. On the flip side, my body is all kinds of different and tight clothes make me look a bit too much like a chicken McNugget for my taste. Having boobs is a straight up mind- fuck. Everything looks different and while trying to wear a top that is tight enough to look out together, loose enough to hide my new extra skin stuff and easy enough to nurse in (oh, and also crappy enough to throw out should a poop or barf explosion hit), I am left with a limited availability.
3. Finally, I know that I am a new version of me but I can’t wrap my head around who that person is- clothing wise. I have always centred around a personal style but now my personal style is unidentifiable. Example. I bought a rainbow coloured Mexican blanket style dress with pom poms (which I promptly returned because what the fuck was I thinking), a shirt dress, a baggy t shirt with holes, a pair of sleek trousers and a linen blouse. What does that shopping bag of items have in common? A skewed sense of purpose is what. It’s now all back where it belongs, returned to the atored from whence it came.
4. At the root of it all, I just want to be comfortable and cute. I have an incision on my pubic line that is numb and painful at the same time, I have boobs that still are trying to figure themselves out, I’m nursing on the go and I am carrying a 12 pound weight at all times that finds it fun to pull on things. So while tight jeans seem like they would be fun- spoiler alert: no.
Babe, I’ve succumbed to leggings, my number one nemesis. I have even uttered the phrase “fancy leggings” in the past week. My prenatal self just barfed.
But I’ll be damned if a pair of lulus aren’t WAY more comfortable than stuffing my ass into jeans.
So the lesson? Fashion is fleeting, comfort is crucial and enjoy clothing and crazy trends in your life. Don’t beat yourself up when you lose your style and don’t be mean about mom jeans. If I could wear low rise skinnies with crop tops, I would.
In the meantime, sweatpants are acceptable for a Wednesday afternoon outing- right?? (Barf)