5 month itch

November 20, 2017

Dear Babies,

One of the biggest fuck you’s in motherhood is the physicality of it. So you get pregnant and minus a few weeks where you just look fat, you mostly look amazing. I have literally never looked better than while pregnant. My skin glowed, my hair was a lustrous mane of goddess goodness and my beautiful belly made my arms and legs look great. Plus I was literally making life. So that.

Then you give birth and obviously you look like shit because you’ve just been hit with the Mack truck of life but NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO LOOK GOOD. Like, if you shower that’s a huge win.

That lasts for about 3-4 months and then the haze lifts and you feel back to normal but…

Then shit gets hairy. And I kind of mean that literally. There you are ready to get back to life and suddenly and without warning your hair falls out. I mean FALLS OUT. Like clumps. Like how am I not bald by now? And your once lustrous mane that was the envy of all your sisters is a shell of what it was. A lifeless, texture-less mess. Great.

Your body also settles. This means that the skin starts to sag and buckle. There’s no baby stretching that belly skin out and you’ve recovered just enough to look exactly like a chicken McNugget naked. I’m sure this why post partum women have rampant sex lives. Who wouldn’t want to share their naked lumpy body?? Ha.

Your skin dulls, nails stop growing and while you are expected to snap back, you notice your jeans are just too low to be sitting on the floor with a baby and toddler and your sweaters with their side vents show your entire subsequent muffin top.

Now before you beat me to it, I know, I JUST HAD A BABY – my second. I know that my body is a gorgeous goddess temple of wonder and I don’t expect to look like a supermodel now (or ever). I’m not lamenting my body in general just the fact that it is at its all time low when you are meant to be reintroduced to the world. It would be like having your worst pimple ever the night of prom. It doesn’t make you gross or ugly, you just might wish it didn’t happen like that.

We obviously celebrate our bodies and lives very day in this house, ok?

But if Mother Nature could figure out a way to let us keep our hair and pregnancy glow forever, that would be swell. In the meantime, I’ll be here wasting money on serums and scalp masks to help.



5 month itch

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