May 29, 2016
The answer is that there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO MANY TIMES. You will only know how much someone watched you sleep when you become a parent and find yourself casually checking to see your baby breathing or frantically taking their temperature mid-sleep.
Baby, in the aftermath of your hot mess heat rash, you got sick. It started with an innocent sneezing fit, escalated into a fever and then carried on for 2 days culminating in tonight’s super high fever. What is scarier than my sick baby? NOTHING. Could it be viral? Teething? Ear infection? WHO KNOWS BECAUSE YOU CAN’T TELL US.
So we read your high temperature, called a doctor friend, called my mom, called another friend who called their doctor friend all of whom assured us that babies get fevers and it is ok. So here is where you want to take in my previous lesson of not googling shit. I felt confident that you were ok and that a good nights sleep was the best remedy and then I Googled. Your dad Googled and collectively we scared ourselves shitless.
The result was a quick time $110 dollar purchase of an ear thermometer (which is not the same as the butt thermometer we had previously employed- and sorry about that). An ear thermometer, unlike a butt one can be used while you sleep. There is no taking off your clothes or making you uncomfortable, just a quick push of a very accurate button to tell us that the fever has come down, that Tylenol did its trick and that we can go back to our regular scheduled breathing- kind of.
Having a sick baby is a lesson in trusting your gut, taking precaution and not Googling anything. Seriously. Don’t do it. I have a friend who once Googled symptoms and then ended up in the hospital claiming he had leukaemia. He didn’t and Google is fucked for that reason.
So tonight’s lesson which I type as I glance furtively at your monitor for the faintest sign of any distress (and it goes without saying that I won’t be sleeping much tonight…) is:
- Never Google your medical symptoms. The internet is a scary place full of trolls and crazy people who have had the most insane things happen to them. WebMD is a guarantee that you will be diagnosed as having cancer.
- Don’t be ashamed to drop a hundo on a good ear thermometer. Peace of mind has no price tag.
- Make friends with people who are doctors and healthcare professionals. Something about the reassuring words of an MD make everything better.
- Remember, it takes a village- I called friends, family and neighbours to assist me in determining your needs and I was lucky to have all of them. The group mentality of reassurance made it an easier night and it was comforting to be supported. Get a village behind you, Baby.
In the meantime, gotta go check that temperature again- good thing you are sleeping like a baby.