It’s too hot to be such a baby

June 28, 2016

Dear Baby,

I’ve been reflecting a lot about the past weekend and one thing I haven’t told you about is the time when everyone went to the beach. 

Everyone went to the beach on Saturday morning. It was a perfect sunny day and there was this incredible stretch of beach that had this ridiculous sandy bottom that remained shallow for several feet before dipping down and letting you into the pristine waters. 

I fucking love the lake. I hate what might be swimming in it with me but I LOVE swimming and there is nothing better than doing it in a clean fresh water. Give me an ocean, sea or lake and watch me stay in the water like a little kid until I am basically a prune. 

So the beach plus my lake love would have been a match made in heaven except for the fact that I refused to take off my shorts and get in. 

My problem was twofold. 

First and least important was my hair. Being someone who has to plan a full week around the annoying issue of doing my hair and when it will be done, I was unwilling to wet it for fear of having to style it. Style it? Yes. Baby, you should only be blessed with your dad’s thick mane of wavy hair. Curly hair seems cool until you have it and then realize how fucking high maintenance it is. I am not a high maintenance person. 

So ya, I didn’t want to get into my hair. Can you tell what a tripper I am?

Second was a bit more real and embarrassing. In an effort to be honest with you I will tell you that the second reason is because I didn’t want to take off my shorts and have everyone see my legs. Truth. 

Pregnancy and the aftermath have given me the gift of 15 extra pounds and cellulite. I want to not care, I really do and I want you to not care about shit like that because it is stupid but in that moment I cared. I got self conscious and in my own head and I hid behind a pair of shorts. 

And here is what I want you to know about what that was super fucking stupid. 

1. I missed out on doing something I love because I was being a total twat. 

2. I was a poor role model to you. You should be proud of your body always and I have to teach you how. 

3. No one there could have cared less about my legs. Actually. 

4. No one ever cares about shit like that. Sorry- no one who matters cares. 

Don’t hide from things because you are self conscious. Don’t miss a great moment because you are having a bad hair day. Don’t shy away from things that make you happy because you have fears. Just do you. 

Do you in a bikini. Do you in a moomoo. Do you with frizzy hair, with a gross zit or with a crap outfit. Just do you proudly. 

In the meantime, I packed 3 bathing suits for this coming cottage weekend and you best be sure that I am going to be rocking them all weekend long. Hope you don’t cry in the water the whole time again. 

xo

Mom

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It’s too hot to be such a baby

Into the great wide open. Part two: baby gone wild

June 27, 2016

Dear Baby,

So as I wrote yesterday, we spent the weekend in the fancy wilderness and did all kinds of cool wilderness stuff. It was pretty seamless and awesome to have you there, until the evening. 

The night before we left for the trip was a bad one. For the second time in months you were up all night long and we ended up taking you into bed with us to get a few measly hours of sleep which didn’t even really happen (just for me- you and your dad slept) because my arm was asleep for 85% of the night. At least a part of me was asleep. Ha. 

We were all like, is this the new thing you are going to be doing? Waking up and being a wreck? No. It can’t be that our little sleeping genius would suddenly be up for no reason at all hours. This must be a 2 time fluke. Should we worry about the trip? No. The great outdoors is the perfect recipe for sleep. 

Wrong.

The great outdoors is many things but perfect for a baby sleeping it is not. To start, a canvas tent is as bright as it should be at 6pm- your bedtime. Second, it’s hot as fuck. Third, mosquitos.

Should I be surprised that both nights took a solid 2 hour effort just to get you settled? I was. In hindsight, it was exactly as I should have expected but in the moment it seemed rather upsetting that you wouldn’t just fall asleep as usual in an unusual space. 

If you want to properly torture someone have them try to put a baby to sleep for 2 hours unsuccessfully. I don’t know a better way to really fuck someone up quite like that. Oh yes, I do- have them do it in a 400 degree tent alone in the forest. 

Finally you would go to sleep and I would commence drinking as much wine as I could in a span of 10 minutes to forget how shit the whole bedtime experience had been. You were asleep and I was now beginning my dinner with our friends. 

Dinner was awesome, the company was awesome and everything was awesome until say, 11. From the tent next door where you were sleeping we heard a rustle, a shuffle and a cry. We thought that maybe it would pass. A quick and dirty night waking. 

Nope nope nope. 

That was it. You were down for the count- or up, I guess. 

The remainder of the night was spent coaxing you back to sleep in our bed while I maneuvered around you to get comfy. You know how sometimes you can’t move for whatever reason and it seems like that particular time would be one time that you need to move? 

Truth: if it wasn’t so unexpected and exhausting, it would have been perfect. That fact that we have spent 4 nights this week cuddling in bed together is just fucking bliss. I truly miss the days when that was our normal and there is nothing better than waking up beside you (ok, the best is doing it after a full nights sleep, but beggars can’t be choosers.)

I think the whole experience was bittersweet. 

But the lesson here has to do with commitment. Your dad and I committed very early on to not let you cry. There are a thousand debates about this topic but that is the stance we took. For better or worse, you don’t cry and you certainly never cry yourself to sleep. 

There is something about commitment that makes everything easier and harder. It’s easy because there’s no debate. You do the thing you do and you don’t have to question yourself (although as a parent I still question everything.) 

The hard is that you do what you do in spite of anything else. I would have really rather not ended my night early to go and have you scream in my arms until you calmed down. One night I didn’t even brush my teethe because I literally couldn’t put you down. Not ideal.

But commitment is an important thing. In life you want to try and so the best you can when you commit to something. A job, a partner, a lifestyle choice. Being a flakey person isn’t a wonderful trait. You will want to try and be someone who honors the things you say you will do and who people can count on.

We stand very strong in our commitment to you and you can always count on your dad and I to be there. Come hell or leaving an awesome bonfire to spend a sleepless night so that you can feel safe and secure. 

In the meantime, we are home and I am hoping that tonight we can all get some good sleep. Is 7:30pm too early for a grown ass woman to go to bed?

xo

Mom

Into the great wide open. Part two: baby gone wild

Into the great wide open (with a baby). 

June 26, 2016

Dear Baby,

We just got home from a weekend away camping- a first for us as a family and I wanted to tell you all about it. I think first I should clarify. Yes, it was camping but it was kind of fancy camping. Glamping, if you will. We had a site with a huge canvas tent, hardwood floors and a king sized bed and couches inside, a hot shower, a non disgusting portapotty situation and an outdoor cooking area. It was as close to hotel in the forest as possible minus the actual hotel. 

We were there for 2 nights with 3 other couples but you, Baby were the only baby on site. 

This made things amazing and complicated. It was amazing to hang out with our nearest and dearest and have them spend so much time with you but complicated because wherever we went, your dad and I had to be aware of you. The group wanted to spend time at the beach but we could only spend a short while because the sun was too strong. The group wanted to go to the dock at night to see that stars but we couldn’t go because it was too far away from where you slept. 

And sleep- well that’s another whole post worth of stories. Coming next. 

The great parts were watching your firsts. First canoe ride (you hated it), first real swim (you hated it), first winery tour (you didn’t mind it) and first time staying in a tent (you hated it). 

Overall my thoughts on the weekend in relation to you were that I’m glad we did it, I would do it again but I was really happy to be home. REALLY HAPPY. 

And I think there was a great lesson here about leaving your comfort zone. This was way beyond my comfort zone. I basically hate nature and if your dad wasn’t a hard core tripping enthusiast I would literally never have gone on one let alone many camping/ canoe trips in my life. 

Yes, now that I have done them I like them a lot more and even look forward to them but no, by nature I am not a lover of spiders on my everything and sleeping in a tent. When an animal came one night and rummaged through our garbage I just about shat myself. 

I digress but the point is that going on a trip into the wilderness (however fancy it may be) is above my comfort zone. Doing it with you was beyond. But the experience was worth the push. We’ve done it, we succeeded and learned a lot about ourselves and you and now we could do it again (but maybe not too soon). 

Is really important to push yourself to try new and different things. You may get bitten by 10000000 mosquitoes and stay up all night with a crying baby but you may learn a few new things along the way. 

In the meantime gotta go tend to my heinously itchy legs that are coloured with the blood of a thousand bites. Nature, you rule. 

xo

Mom

Into the great wide open (with a baby). 

Baby, Baby, Baby.

June 22, 2016

Dear Baby,

It’s been a long week. Teething has all but consumed our day-to-day and we are a whirlwind of boogers, Infant Advil and popsicles. I don’t know how long this usually takes but it feels like we have been dealing with your mouth for an eternity. Because that’s how things go with you- every day feels really long and then I look back and wonder how the fuck we got to 9 months so fast. The conundrum of time.

Anyways, the bad news is you are still a snot faced little teething monkey. The good news is you give zero fucks and have been a total delight. If anything you have laughed even more these past few days so I’m thankful you are not suffering (for your own pain and for my sanity.)

Since we have been spending a lot of QT at home just doing fun stuff I have gotten to really watch your development closely. Sometimes rushing around, running errands and hanging out with people I feel like I miss the little nuances of you. You learn so much stuff every single day and then all of a sudden we are watching you and you have totally mastered something new without us noticing. It was cool to get to notice.

You gifted us with an awesome thing to notice. Language. We have started to see that you will repeat actions we make. One of your favorite things is we stick out a finger at you and say “stick” (yup, your dad and I call fingers sticks- and we did before we made every word cute for you- this is just how we roll. Sorry for all the embarrassment that will cause you.) So we do the stick and then you extend your finger and touch our finger with yours and laugh. It is delightful. Anyways, recently we just say the word “stick” and you bring your finger up. We don’t have to show you our finger to initiate the action which means that you are learning to recognize language patters and associating them with actions.

Now how fucking cool is that?

You do it with sticks, kisses (and then I just die of happiness that you willingly kiss me on the lips every time I ask- never stop ok?), and if we say “shake-a-shake-a-shake-a” you will move your arm like you are shaking a rattle.

Honestly. What could be cuter.You are such a big girl. Today shaking your arm, tomorrow going to prom. I can’t even.

So with that, today’s thoughts are this: enjoy the little things in life. Whether it is stopping to smell the roses or taking a day to watch your babe shake an imaginary rattle, these are the moments that make your life full. It can get hard to just slow down and really focus on the tiny little details of everyday life but it is in those details that we can sometimes find the most joy and shape the bigger things that we have. One day I probably won’t remember this one little moment of development for you (or I guess I will thanks to this blog) but it has helped shape the entirety of what I will remember- your development of understanding and language.

In the meantime STOP GROWING UP SO FAST. Just kidding (sort of) keep doing your thing- it’s amazing.

xo

Mom

 

Baby, Baby, Baby.

This is what it Sounds like when Babies Cry. 

June 19,2016

Happy Father’s Day. Well Baby, I think it’s suffice to say that you have a real knack for drama. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that between your dad and I, you are bound to be the most dramatic little lady around. Both of us are natural born performers and you have only proven yourself to be equal if not better in your 9 months with us.

You rang in Father’s Day by putting your daddy to work. For the first time in a LONG time, you work up at around midnight crying. This literally never happens to us so we were a bit flustered. We figured, oh- well it’s just this little thing. Maybe you had a bad dream or something startled you. No biggie. Well Baby, BIGGIE. From midnight onwards you were up and at em every hour. EVERY SINGLE HOUR.

Now I know that a lot of parents still wake with their babies at night. I know that we are very lucky (poo poo poo) that you sleep as well as you do but in our defence it is very hard to adjust to a waking baby when you haven’t had to in months. It is a bit jarring to spend a sleepless night after you are used to getting rest. I was only thankful that we had decided to not spend the night getting winoed like we did the previous night. Wine buzzed and unslept mom would have been gross.

By morning (and by morning I mean 5am when your dad “woke” for his Father’s Day golf treat that no longer probably felt like a treat but more like a terrible punishment) we were just spent. Typical you woke up (again) for the last time of the night with a fucking smile plastered on your face. Baby, WTF. Who smiles like that after such a terrible night?

The morning was uneventful and filled with a brunch but by afternoon, you were again not yourself. We took your temperature, discovered a fever, cancelled our Father’s Day BBQ and PRAYED that this wasn’t the start of multiple sleepless nights for us.

And what’s all the fuss about you ask? Teething. Mother. Fucking. Teething.

On the one hand it is like, great- now we can just spend the next 2 years dealing with your teeth. But on the other hand my heart breaks for you because it must be so hard to be in pain and just not know why. Your poor little gums.

So, with that we enter the phase of you getting teeth and bid adieu to your dad’s first Father’s Day. And here’s what I thought we could all learn fro the experience: Birthdays, Father’s Days, any celebratory day is just that, a day. It is really important to honor and celebrate the people in your life that you love because you never know what someones “special day” will bring. Because you love and bring so much joy to your dad every day, it was no big deal to have such a crap Father’s Day (which by the way is such an annoying Hallmark holiday- but I digress completely…)

I think the best thing you can do is appreciate and enjoy the people around you every moment that you can and then cross your fingers and hope for clear skies and painless mouths on their designated celebration days.

In the meantime, I’m going to bed SUPER FUCKING early in case you decide to grace us with your symphony at 1 am. I’ll be there for you but I won’t be happy about it.

xo

Mom

 

This is what it Sounds like when Babies Cry. 

9 Month- a Roundup

June 18, 2016

Dear Baby,

It’s pretty crazy to think we are nearing a point where you have been out as long as you were in me. I say this probably on every post but time passing is never more evident and visible then when you have a baby.

As we reflect on your 9 months here I can say that every time I think you have done the best thing ever, something new happens and it’s like, who even care about that old thing. We watched older videos of you the other day and there was one when you first started grabbing your foot. We were delighted. Now it seems like you never didn’t grab that foot and we are on to way bigger things like crawling and standing.

Babies are this amazing reminder to us that tiny little things like just knowing that you have a toe is a fucking miracle. It helps put other shit- and I mean shit- into perspective.

At 9 months you have truly begun to show your funny little personality and it is just as I imagined it to be.

Unsurprisingly, you love to be loud. I’m sure he still is but currently your dad wins the prize every single time for loudest guy in a room. The man has pipes and I’m pretty sure he has little to no volume control. No wonder you spend a good chunk of everyday screaming babbles. It’s hard to get a word in otherwise- trust me, I know.

But more than loud, you are funny. Not like, I’m a lame mom and just think my kid is so funny but actually funny. The screaming for example, happens most when no one is looking at you. You are an attention lover and make sure to tell everyone when you need all eyes on you (aka all of the time). You love being surprised (which is awesome because one of my favourite things to do is startle people) and you laugh a lot. Like a lot.

You are totally on the move and surprisingly coordinated (you def get that from your dad as well since I can barely walk let alone anything else.) Currently you are obsessed with pulling yourself up to standing and practicing walking while holding our hands. What could be cuter than this peanut of a person waddling around?

Overall I can say that 9 months is pretty damn good and as much as I loved being pregnant (yes, really) it is WAY better to have you on the outside with us.

Happy 9 months, Baby.

xo

Mom

9 Month- a Roundup

Watching Baby is Messy Work

June 15, 2016

Dear Baby,

This morning I spilled some coffee grinds on the floor. It was super annoying because I was simultaneously trying to make you breakfast and discovering that we were out of coffee (less the grinds that were now on the floor). Life is not ok without coffee or as I affectionately call it- mama juice. 

I cleaned up a bit, continues the morning shuffle of making you a good breakfast, making a little something for myself too since I basically combust when I don’t eat breakfast and still engaging you with song and conversation so I don’t feel like a shit mom leaving you in the circle of neglect. 

And this is just a snapshot of life. A constant juggling act between getting shit done, keeping you fed and safe, keeping you happy and squeezing in some substance for myself to fuel the charge. Always juggling. 

So when your dad came in from walking the dog and made a whole stink about the coffee grinds on the floor (why didn’t I bust out the broom and sweep them the fuck up) it’s like hey dad, fuck off. 

I love him, I do but it’s a real struggle to have to justify doing what I do. Some of it is my own shit. I’m self conscious about my life and what I’m doing and how I’m contributing so I attach that insecurity to him and say he making me feel like I don’t do a good job. Well no one can make you feel anything so I know that I am just feeling that way. 

But on days where I get comments about the fucking coffee grinds on the floor it’s like, why don’t you do my day and tell me how easy it is to just sweep up a small mess while you have eggs frying, toast toasting a baby next to you that needs your full attention that you are already sharing with eggs and toast. Try. I dare you. 

And this is just one small moment. Try leaving the house. You pack up anything that needs to come with- what could it be? A bottle? A meal? A change of clothing? Will you be in the sun? Do you need extra diapers? Water? Snacks? Toys? Does mom need anything (haha)? The dog must get walked so are we going to pull out the stroller for the walk? Am I going to wear you in a carrier? Get the poo bags, get the leash, get the dog. Ever out on a dog leash with a baby strapped to you?

Walk, come back. Time to go. Wait. Do we need a chair for eating? Did I eat (haha)? Is there anything I am forgetting? Pack up the stroller with one hand, pack up the baby get into the car. Forgot something. Take baby out, go back in, come back out and it’s go time. 

ALL THIS JUST TO GO GET A BAG OF GROCERIES!!!!!

It’s fine- it really is. I have a routine and it works but if that is the series of events that takes place just to walk out a door then imagine anything else. 

In the meantime, dad (who is thankfully very involved) comes home at 5 and gets to give you a bottle and hang with you for a few minutes. He has never had a full day alone with you. A day alone with you is the best thing ever but a day alone with you demonstrates pretty fucking clearly why sweeping up coffee grinds the instant they fall to the floor will never be my priority. 

And that’s just it, Baby. Life is all about priorities. No matter what you do it is always a juggling act. Family, friends, school and work will always pull you in every direction. There will be conflicts in events, in desires and in commitments. It is up to you to look at your life as a whole and make the room for what is important. 

I’m not saying push things aside or under the rug but I am saying that some spilled shit on the floor can wait if your first priority is the safety and happiness of your baby. Just saying. 

In the meantime, because he is anal like that, he swept that shit up himself so now I have the time to write this blog with you asleep on me. Snore away little peanut knowing that you are always my number one priority. 

xo

Mom

Watching Baby is Messy Work