The Dreaded 8-Month Leap

May 9, 2016

Dear Baby,

Why is Wonder Weeks so damn accurate about you? I got the alert that we are up for another leap and lo and behold, you are acting like a total snake. 

Right now as I write this you are flinging yourself around your crib instead of napping. A sure sign that something is up for my otherwise great sleeping and usually tired at nap time baby. 

The problem with you is that you are SO even keeled that any deviation in your norm is a red flag that something is up and it is usually some kind of WW related thing.

Sometimes in the last your cry has changed, sometimes your overall “schedule” (whatever that means) and this time it’s your sleep. It has been so long since I had to put you to sleep. 

Prior to now you would get sleepy, read a book, get into your crib and just sick your thumb to sleep in minutes. It was actually silly how little effort it took. Naps or nights. Now, this past week there is a long period of awake time if I just put you down and otherwise I am sitting here rocking you to sleep before I transfer you over which never fucking works. 

I’m not going to say it’s a huge issue but right now instead of sleeping you are eating a rail of your crib so….

And that’s just the thing about you. There is no norm. Anything that is usual can become unusual in the span of a day and any routine that we loosely follow can change in a heartbeat. That’s just what babies are all about. Keeping you on your toes guessing what the fuck to do ALL THE TIME. 

I guess by the time you really figure T out as a parent, your kid is old and doesn’t need any of it. So that’s great. 

The lesson is this: don’t expect things to always go the same way. The second you get used to anything is the second it will all change. Babies, life. If you are lucky you will change a million times over. Change means growth and growth means learning and I hope that you aspire to grow and learn every day.

In the meantime, go the fuck to sleep.

xo

Mom

The Dreaded 8-Month Leap

Putting Baby to Bed

May 8, 2016

Dear Baby,

Mother’s Day is winding down and night is here. I’m writing you this sitting in your room holding you and trying to get you to sleep… for the third time tonight. 

This is the truth about being a mom. There are flowers and brushes and chocolate chip cookies from Epi but nothing is more “mom” then dealing with a overtired baby who won’t sleep on your “special day.”

At the end if the day – any day – even Mother’s Day you are just that, a mom and for better or worse it’s a job that gives no fucks at all what day it is. 

There are no holidays or breaks and no awards for being patient and letting your baby fall asleep on you before quietly trying to transfer them to the crib but missing the mark and having to repeat it again.

There is no reason that any day should be different than the others- birthdays, constructed Hallmark holidays. They may all be wonderful or awful depending on how things unfold. 

This means that every day is special and unspecial all in one. It makes the job of being you a very hard one but a very great one and it takes he romance out of these bullshit days that are meant to make people feel good but usually make them feel bad. 

The lesson is this: celebrate being you and the jobs you have every day. One day will be more glamorous than the next but every day you are just killing it by being yourself, getting up and doing you. Life is both SO FUN and so not fun and while rocking a cranky baby to sleep for the bagillionth time is a less fun moment, making her laugh by dancing her around the room to Snoop Dogg makes up for it in strides.

In the meantime, it’s wine-o-clock. Wait, I mean grape juice. Yes… grape juice. 

xo

Mom

Putting Baby to Bed

A Mothers Day with a Baby

May 8, 2016

Dear Baby,

Today is Mother’s Day and I get to spend the day surrounded by family celebrating being a mom and having a mom and all the other moms I have known in this life or gone from it. 

I once saw this great commercial about “the sisterhood of motherhood” and didn’t really understand it until recently. I was at the doctors office for a check up and sitting in the waiting room with you and a perfect stranger and we got to talking about you and her grown kids and it’s like you just don’t have to explain yourself- she got me. 

But then I got to thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t been able to have you. Would I be a leper from this exclusive club? The answer is no because the true celebration isn’t being a mom but being a woman and part of a long generational chain of women who fucking kick ass.

Even though today is about mothers, to me it is about celebrating a long line of the women I know who have or don’t have mothers and are or are not mothers. Womanhood is the best club and we are all pretty magical today and everyday. 

I feel really lucky that for me, I get to celebrate being with you and how fucking crazy lucky I feel every minute to have you. 

So baby, there is no lesson today because today I celebrate you as my daughter and fellow member of the ladies only club. Whether you feel it or not, take the time to celebrate the great women you know because being a woman is damn hard but so damn good. 

In the meantime, I love being your mom. 

xo

Mom

A Mothers Day with a Baby

Baby Wearing

May 4, 2016

Dear Baby,

From the time you were very small to now when you are less small but still small I have been a huge advocate of wearing you. In the beginning it was about comfort and ease. Now it is about the experience. Always it has been about what I think must be the happiest place for you to chill. On me. 

When we first brought you home and you were the most precious cargo, I literally couldn’t put you down. Wearing you was the only way I could eat, move or perform any basic function while still carrying you. I wore you when you were fussy to cam you down, I wore you to sleep, I wore you to walk. You were on my person for a huge part of the first 3 months. 

Then, you got bigger and started sleeping. Gone were those manic nights of newborn ness when we would spend 6pm to 11pm keeping you from being a total snake. No more squats and bouncing and cluster feeding and carrying. You were a self sufficient lady doing your own thing. 

That’s when wearing you became less for function and more for fun. 

We wear you for walks, we wore you all through Israel, we wear you when we go for food. It’s all about letting you see the world and literally hang out in it. 

Sure, there is the comfort of your stroller. You lay nestled in plush padding and a blanket shielded from the sun and the vibrations of the pavement massaging your back. I don’t have a 12 pound weight hanging off of my body causing me to sweat like a fucking pig everywhere I walk to. And I get the handy stroller storage which means I can bring anything I want for the journey. 

But the look on your face as we walk down streets and you see and hear new things is well worth the price of admission. I would take a lifetime of backaches to watch you be so thrilled with the world around you. I am obsessed with how you hold out your tiny hands to feel the air around you and how you look around at everything taking it all in. 

The lesson is this: sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to really experience new things. Comfort is great and there are days a plenty when I throw you into the bucket and we head out but staring at me and the scenery behind me isn’t quite the same as getting your own full perspective. 

Onviosuly not as comfortable as walking with nothing on you, wearing you is totally out of my physical comfort zone but, as I mentioned, THE BEST THING FOR YOU. EVER. 

And I think by now you must know that I do anything for you. 

But taking both of us out of our comfort zone has provided a new perspective and let us learn new things and I hope for a million more times that we can step out of the usual together and find excitement in the new and different. I hope you always do it with or without me to help you too. 

In the meantime, today looks like a shitty day and I have yet to find a solution for when it rains. Can we just have nice weather already??? Wtf. 

xo

Mom

Baby Wearing

Biggie Small Baby

May 2, 2016

Dear Baby,

This morning we had another doctors appointment to check on your weight. So far you have been on the up and up (although nowhere near the curve, whatever that means) and so we were pretty optimistic about your weigh in. The mount of food you eat coupled with your tiny but yet chunky thighs (ug sorry. Who wants to hear about chunk thighs as an adult. No one. But as a baby I assure you they are great- oh and sorry about the cellulite gene. It came from me) are proof that you are growing. 

You love food so much that you try and eat everything. As I type this you are in your crib gnawing on a rail. You would eat that rail of you could. 

The appointment was another success and you are now a whopping 12.2 pounds. The smallest amount to weigh on the curve would be 12.8 so although you are wee, you are not too far off from being “normally” wee. 

To celebrate, we unpacked some of your 3-6 month clothes and packed up a few of your 0-3 month ones. Sure, you don’t quite fit into the new batch yet but the next size (3-6) begins around 12.5 pounds so I am feeling confident that you will fill those bottoms out sometime soon. 

What’s nice is that you got about 7 months of size 0. So to anyone who told me to stop buying clothing for you because you would just grow out of it, ha.

So the plan is to keep feeding you all the foods and watching you grow and thrive. 

Lesson: there is a solution to most problems. Giving you more food and a bit of formula turned a bad situation into a good one and now everybody is happy. When you come across something hard in life, try and find a few solutions and run with them. It can be hard work (or expensive grocery bills) but it is always worth getting to the root of a problem before it grows (or doesn’t grow, in your case). 

In the meantime, off to unpack today’s haul. Sweet potato pancakes here we come.

xo

Mom

Biggie Small Baby

Busy Baby

May 1, 2016

Dear Baby,

I have a confession that I never thought I would make: I like being home alone every so often. Your dad went to the basketball game tonight and I relished in my time. There was nothing exciting happening. I worked, I read a few articles and I wrote to you so not like I had a crazy ladies night in but still. 

If you had asked me pre- you to stay home alone I would have acquiesced reluctantly and spent the majority of the night being irrationally scared and paranoid but post- you, it’s just not the same. 

Maybe once you’ve heard a baby wail in the night you know that there are few things scarier than said baby waking up and doing said wailing. Hard to be worried that I might see a spider or a centi when I’m trying to make sure you stay soundly asleep. Priorities.

Plus, I spend my day (SO HAPPILY) attached to you. We are together all day, every day and then your dad gets home and he’s there too. We like to spend time together so once you go to bed we usually hang out until our bedtime and then a whole 12 hours has gone by and the only time I have spent alone (maybe) is the bathroom. 

It’s a bit refreshing to do whatever the fuck I want. 

Tonight I had 3 bowls of popcorn for dinner, took a super long shower, did a mud mask and the aforementioned work and reading. I even farted at will. It was spectacular. I’ve been in shitty pyjamas since 7:30 and I give zero fucks. 

Baby, you will be so lucky if you find yourself a family that you love as much as I love you and your dad but no matter what, it is really important to take time for yourself too. 

I really want you to enjoy your own company and be comfortable me happy to be alone sometimes. It is really wonderful to feel fulfilled and content after a night alone and I want you to always have that. 

You are the best and I hope you love your own company as much as I love it. 

In the meantime, your dad is on his way home, we won the basketball game and  it is time to get ready for bed. 

xo

Mom

Busy Baby

Keep Swinging, Baby

April 30, 2016

Dear Baby,

This weekend was great. Your dad and I went out on Friday night so Saturday morning was a bit slow (I have also been fighting a cold so I was even slower). 

We all went to the market, saw some friends, relaxed and then went to the park to play. Guess what? You went on your first swing ride! Guess what else? It was awesome!

By the time you read this you probably won’t have been in a playground for a while and days of carefree play will be memories. Before Saturday I can’t remember the last time I sat on a swing and played myself. It’s one of the many things we obsess over as kids and then forget as adults. Like Lite Brite and forts (slash can’t wait to build forts again).

Your tiny legs barely fit into the baby swing but we got you in and gave you a push and you just loved it. I mean, how could you not??? Swings are the best. 

You won’t remember doing it but I will never forget watching you do it. I’m sure that I was way more excited than you but I also sure that will change over time. 

It’s really such an awesome thing to watch you do things for the very first time. I have no doubt that we will be all over tons of playground equipment in our tie together and yet this was our first. Your first. 

So here is my lesson to you today. Don’t forget to play like a kid here and there. Your little blissed out face while swinging and the fun we had with you is bar- none. There is actually nothing on the planet like it. Fun for the sake of fun. 

Life gets super hard and complicated (also great and exciting) and you will feel weighted if you can’t let loose once in a while. Colour a picture, spend time on a puzzle, take a second to hop on a swing- do something to let go and free your mind. 

In the meantime, I’ll be counting down the seconds until we can do it again.

xo

Mom

Keep Swinging, Baby

When my Baby Scratched her Nose

April 29, 2016

This morning during you very predictable morning nap you scratched yourself awake. If I had only cut your talon nails when I was supposed to then you wouldn’t have clawed yourself, had a sad scratch on your nose and awoken in a way that no one wants to- in pain. Bad mom. 

Your regular hour plus nap was a mere 25 minutes and I was sorry and scared. I tried to put you back down and you slept for another 10 minutes before you awoke again rearing to go. We went to Costco. 

Was that the best call? The pros are; I love Costco, we got a Vitamix (you are welcome), and we got to hang out with your Bubby. Cons; you fell asleep in the car. 

I had negotiated in my mind that should you fall asleep in the car I would simply drive aimlessly for an hour and let you have a proper sleep. You woke up after 25 minutes. I was sorry and I was scared. 

In my mind you would melt down and turn into a tiny devil. You would cry inconsolably or I would not be able to get you to bed as a result of poor sleep. We had plans to go out and leave you asleep at home with your grandparents and I had a million scenarios in my head that kept me biting my nails all afternoon long. 

The end result was unsurprisingly nothing. The day ended as it usually ends, you slept as you usually sleep and everything was just fine.

Another reminder about the importance of expectations and managing them. I spent so much time worrying about how it would be that I missed a bit of how it was. 

Try and keep your expectations in check and not doomsday every little thing. You may be disappointed or you may be pleasantly surprised but either way at least you mitigate the stress of over thinking.

In the meantime, we ended up going out Friday and I am still tired from it. Mom life. So hip. 

xo

Mom

When my Baby Scratched her Nose