April 17, 2016

Dear Baby,

Here’s something no one EVER tells you about having a baby: you will have to make time to take solo bathroom trips. I’m talking number 2 here, Baby. You either suck it up (literally), spend your poo with a baby on your lap and fucking Macgyver a way to wipe or you wait and pray that you will be afforded time before it’s too late.

This morning as I was preparing you for your morning nap, I had to go.

Wait, sidebar. Just want to acknowledge how embarrassing it is to talk about poo. As if I am the only human on the planet that needed to make one this morning. Somehow it makes me feel less feminine and more disgusting all at once. I wish we had a bit more leniency about these topics. Ok. Done.

Anywho, putting you down for a nap. I zip up your cozy little sleep sack, put in soothing classical music and cuddle you. You start to cry (why!!!??? You are living the fucking dream, Baby) and I HAVE to go.

I put you down in your crib with babysitter mobile on and do my thang. My great fortune this morning was that you fell asleep immediately (hurray for jet lag) and it was an easy situation.

In past times, you have wailed when left for the few minutes I needed. Then I stress that I am just going ahead and ruining you forever because I left you for 2 minutes to whine vs crapping in my pants. This is mom guilt to the extreme. Guilty for having to go to the bathroom.

I have always thought it was super gross to hear my parents talk about their bowel movements so I won’t carry on here. You’re welcome.

The lesson is priorities. Know your priorities and don’t feel bad about them. For example, keeping you happy and putting you down for a nap in a very calm and gentle way is my priority. Not pooing in my pants is a bigger one.

In life there will always be a million things pulling you in a million ways. You have to take a mental stock of what you need and get shit done. If you can prioritize your tasks you will always be better at things like time management and organization. This will serve you well.

And, be selfish. Put yourself first and do it with pride. There is no shame in taking care of your needs whether they be some time alone to regroup or an audience free bathroom escapade. By taking care of yourself, you will be your best to then take care of the people around you that you love.

In the meantime, going to get as much done in my “nap hour” as humanly possible. Mom super powers are a real thing, Baby.

xo

Mom