Your Baby Mama is 34

April 7, 2016

Dear Baby,

By the time you are reading this, 34 might not seem old or it might seem SO FUCKING OLD YOU COULD JUST TOTALLY BARF RAINBOWS. Is it weird to say that I never imagined myself being 30+?

Not like I didn’t think I would make it here but more that who fantasizes about being young enough to know how much stuff you are now not able to do because you are damn old? 


So here I am at 34, happier than I have ever been in my entire life and yet permanently tired with a backache. 

I thought I would take this day to reflect on some lessons I have learned this past year. 

Lesson 1. Patience is really a virtue. 

Waited and waited and waited to get pregnant and this past year was when it finally happened. That pee stick test was the best use of urine I have ever known. Patience paid off in a sweet tiny little girl who I love so much it feels like I might explode. 

Lesson 2. Take care of your shit. 

Seriously, take care of your shit. All your shit. Take care of your body, take care of your mind. Take care of your clothes and your shoes, take care of your home. Take care of the people you love and take care of your pets. Take care of your finances and take care of stuff you need to do. Not only is it gratifying and good but it saves you the huge fucking hassle of making up for a lack of care (see posts on backaches and drivers license renewal for reference).

Lesson 3. Take time to make time. 

I don’t know what this means really but I think taking time to do what you want and what you love will make you a happier person. 

Lesson 4. People can be the worst.

Actually. The. Worst. In no particular order I refer to; competitive moms, people who never smile, people who smile too much and people who tell lies. But there will be a whole slew of people who you will be annoyed with. They don’t matter. 

Lesson 5. People can be the best.

In no particular order; old friends made new again, new friends, old friends that never change, kind strangers and pleasant sales people. Thanks. You rock. 

Lesson 6. Life is sweeter with the ones you love. 

Being 34 would be wholly unbearable if not for you and your dad. There is no one way to have a family so any way you can, do. Family is the best thing on earth and starting your own, whatever that means, is better. 

So as I try to embrace 34, try to embrace your aging. Wrinkles and saggy ass skin are a small price to pay for 34 amazing years.

In the meantime, I’ll be slathering on the wrinkle cream. Kidding. It’s coconut oil. 



Your Baby Mama is 34

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s