February 8, 2018

Dear Babies,

This week has been spent on getting your Spring/Summer programming all figured out and I have to say that the pressure negotiating a schedule for a baby and 2.5 year old is enormous. Sure, first world problems here, but since this is my life…

The first issue is planning a schedule that is chilled out. NOTHING makes me crazier than hearing the schedules of moms who have their kids programmed every second of the day. It makes me itchy to think about that kind of planning. I still firmly believe that kids need free time and time to just be bored/play/be around the house or outside. Over-planning is the biggest buzzkill to our happiness and these little people will have plenty of time to be hectic. Now isn’t that time.

 

Also, for the very time being, I’m focusing on programs where I can be present. At 2.5 they start letting you do drop-off style programs but I also feel like you have your whole life to be dropped off and do stuff without me and whether it’s more for me or you, I’m going to be doing as much as I can with you while I can. They basically cut you off at age 3 so we are months away from not being able to do stuff together anyways.

So this session we are signed up for music, soccer and gymnastics. Your sister will come for music and soccer and gym is all ours.

The end of spring programs.

Then the whole conversation about camp came up. I had originally registered you in a fancy camp where they bus you to a pool for swim and have activities like rock wall climbing. Sure, it was pricey but “everyone” was doing it so we hopped on board. Your school – which is super granola and NOT fancy then opened a camp and an entire summer there including lunches is the same price as 3.5 weeks of fancy camp.

And money aside, I thought about finishing school and putting you in a new place that you don’t know and leaving you there was a bit hard for me to wrap my head around. On the one hand, you are a resilient person (as we all are) and I am sure that you would figure it out. On the other hand, I’m not a parent who hands their kids off to relative strangers while said kid is crying and just goes about my day. If I had to leave you crying, I would fucking die inside. My guess is that more traditional places (ie. not our school) are of the mentality that they just grab the kids crying, distract them until they stop and carry on. I’m sure this works and I’m sure that kids who are left at daycare or camp crying turn out just fine but no thank you. Not into that at all.

Also, in spite of being resilient, toddlers are notorious for having trouble with transition so why force it on you? Are you going to give a shit about what camp you go to? No. If anything you will probably be happier with familiar faces in a familiar environment.

I also hate the idea that I’m striving to do what “everyone” does. Like, who cares what everyone does? I’m not raising a sheep. I’m raising strong girls who lead the way and don’t follow the status quo just because. Again, there will be enough times that we will get caught up in the herd, when we can, it’s nice to colour outside the lines.

Anyways, the moral of this is that first, you should balance your time between being busy and not so that you can enjoy challenges and schedules while also enjoying spark and spontaneity – no need for that to die just yet. Second, do you. Don’t worry about anyone else and just enjoy your own independent and awesome life. And until you can make those kinds of decisions, I’ll help you live the best life I can imagine for you.

In the meantime, let’s enjoy being 2 and a baby because soon enough, like won’t be all songs and swings.

xo

Mom

February 6, 2016

Dear Babies,

I love you. I love you both so much but some days I want nap time to go on forever. Today is that day. I spent this morning in the walk in clinic to get some antibiotics for my sinus and ear infection. Why a walk in? WHEN ELSE CAN I GO??? With a no-show temp nanny and a quarantine from school, I was left with little options. Your dad kindly watched you for the hour and then basically threw the baby at me when I walked in the door and ran out as fast as he could to catch up on the work he missed. Can’t begrudge him although I will.

My mom suggested I take it easy and not run around to classes. In theory, that would be an ideal situation. I could leave you guys on the floor to play and just sit for five seconds and maybe have a lukewarm tea. In practice, 5 minutes of that scenario and we had every wipe in the container strewn about the house, a cookie crumbled into the couch and the baby almost ate 3 different choking hazards and then shimmied herself under the chair. SOOOOOOO relaxing. Just like a day at the spa.

So off we ran to class #1, came home, somehow trashed the house again and then it was beloved nap time. I had dreams of a matcha latte and 10 minutes of reading but the avocado on the floor ad the applesauce in the chairs had other ideas. After cleaning them both, making dinner and having my first solo pee of the day, the baby was up from a short lived nap. I won’t lie, I was irritated. Not at her, she can’t help waking up but at the complete lack of spare time. I felt frustration running through my body and I knew it was about to eat me alive.

So I took a page from what we keep telling our kids to do and I took one long deep breath. I turned off the monitor (we have a small house so I would hear if the baby was up and actually crying vs. the noises she was just making) and I sat down in front of my computer and zoned out on FB while sipping my latte. Could baby have been making noises of frustration herself? Maybe. Am I usually over-responsive to her? Definitely. Do we all have moments where the best thing to do is regain our composure, take a deep breath and refocus? YES! Is FB a good way to do that? Debatable but I digress.

I went up 10 minutes later feeling normal and ready to face the afternoon with my two people and it went smoothly (whatever that means) because of it.

So. With that, here’s the lesson. Try to actually take those deep breaths we’ve been working on when you’re feeling frustrated (or anxious, or sad or angry). Take a moment to recenter and regroup before you move on. I promise you that there is literally nothing that can’t wait a few minutes for you to get your shit together and everyone will be better for it.

In the meantime, I’m warming up that latte again because anything a deep breath can’t fix, some tea usually can.

xo

Mom

February 5, 2018

Dear Babies,

Day 6 of project “don’t get stomach flu” is on and girls, the struggle is real.

We got this cheerful little email from school on Wednesday alerting us that our toddler’s entire school was in a state of “outbreak” from multiple cases of Norwalk. Outbreak!!!! I’m already wearing a hazmat suit just thinking of that word. I picture total fucking chaos with feral monkeys running around the arts and crafts table throwing their shit around while kids Lord of the Flies dance around and tear the place to shreds. Dramatic? Maybe but you can be sure that I pulled my kid the fuck out of school for the week and she has yet to go back.

Again, dramatic? Maybe, but we had Norwalk last year and it was the fucking worst thing ever. My husband almost died on the floor of our kid’s room, I was pregnant and couldn’t get up except to barf 4 zillion times and when we discovered our babe had gotten sick it was because we walked in on a scene from the exorcist but with barf. So suffice to say the trauma was real and I would be pleased as punch never to relive that experience again. Even if it means being dramatic and have both kids with me all week long.

So, ok, you’re probably all like, “but your kids are going to get sick one way or another.”

True. Avoiding the stomach flu for the rest of our lives is just a beautiful dream of mine, but I’m also not throwing them into the literal thick of it and just twirling my thumbs. If I in fact strive to not get the flu, surly my first step is to not send them to a nursery where kids constantly touch everything and never properly wash their hands (with no offence to them, their not dirty or unsanitary, they’re just kids).

And you’re probably like, “ooo, you’re going to jinx yourself and get sick anyways”

Well, fuck you. But seriously, if jinxes are a real actual thing, than yes, we will probably all get diarrhea later today.

So kids, todays’ lesson is to stay the hell away from really infectious and gross situations (if you can). There is no reason to just willy nilly expose yourself to otherwise preventable sickness. In this instance, I was already home with the baby, ready and willing to keep you home with us and I assume that since you’re 2, you’re not missing any crucial learnings. I totally get that if I was at work and couldn’t take the time, I would have no choice but girls, if you have the choice, always choose to stay away.

In the meantime, here’s hoping for an “all clear” tomorrow because it’s freezing, I’ve been entertaining you both for a week and I’m plum out of ideas.

xo

Mom

February 4, 2018

Dear Babies,

It’s almost 10pm and I’ve been sitting downstairs since 8 working and eating Skinny Pop popcorn which, I have a sneaky suspicion, does not make you actually skinny if you eat it by the fucking bowlful like I do. But my point is not about weight but that I singlehandedly NAILED bedtime alone without any fuss. It’s almost ridiculous to be so excited but this simple task being that many moms everywhere don’t have support or a partner to tag team bedtime with but in our house, no one does bedtime solo so for me, this was a big job.

Want to give a shout out to your dad who ran out the door as fast as he fucking could when he was given permission to have a night off and not deal with any part of bedtime. He left his shadow on the ground bolting into that Uber at 4… should we take this as a slight?

The truth is, I owe my stress free night to you two girls who are the absolute best. You made this daunting thing not a thing at all and much like our flight home, the anticipation was far worse than the actual.

Which makes me want to tell you what I have been reminding myself lately: you are so much more capable than you think you are. Every step of the way and everything you do, you can do whatever you want. You are strong, capable and perceived obstacles are just that, a perception. You can think if 4 million reasons why something will fail or go wrong or be hard, but even if it is hard, you can do it.

I know this seems pretty fucking profound for an affirmation I’m giving myself just because I managed to swing bedtime with no help from another human or electronic device BUT this tiny and super inconsequential example is a perfect one to be reminded of all the other things I (and you) can do if we want to.

So whether it’s putting two kids to bed without tantrums or taking over the whole damn world, you got this girls. Touchdown.

xo

Mom

January 31, 2018

Dear Babies,

I can’t believe I haven’t written this yet because it’s basically the most exciting thing that’s happened to us in a while but someone moved into a big girl bed this month and we need to talk about it.

Now I start by saying this: not everyone has a positive experience with a crib to bed transition so I speak from the perspective of having had a great one. It could have gone either way but fortunately, it’s been leaning to good.

So with that, here is how it went.

We moved into a bed while we were on vacation. I think the whole shock of being away and out of the norm made the bed just another new thing to get used to instead of a big deal. By the time we got home, the new bed had been delivered and the crib was moved to the baby’s room. The end.

So the best thing about a bed is that I can actually get in it and hang out with you. I know that people climb into cribs (and I have) but laying in bed together is next level. Plus, the new vocabulary surrounding bed makes for evenings when, at bedtime, you ask for things like “a long cuddle in bed”. Sure. I can stay all night if you want.

It means that we have had full naps together. It means that when I tell you your goodnight stories, we often lay face to face and talk. It means that I put this tiny peanut person into this big bed and it is so cute that my face almost melts off.

I was warned not to rush moving you into a bed because you would climb out and harass us in the night. I assume that a lot of kids do that and I know one day I’ll find you bedside but for the most part, I don’t know any kids who sleep as well as you do (poo poo poo) so I think we mitigate that experience with you not really waking up.

The times you have awoken in the night you call for us and you better believe I’m coming running. I got to sleep half the night with you the one time it happened which felt more like a present than punishment.

So I’ll say this. We took the chance of moving you because we know you and we know what your limitations are. I hope that one day you know yourself and are willing to push yourself to try new things within your comfort zone and then-some.

Sure, it could have been a disaster but if we didn’t try we’d never know how actually awesome it is. I think you’ll find that lesson everywhere you go.

In the meantime, is it wrong that I’m counting down to nap time?

xo

Mom

January 29, 2018

Dear Baby,

I know this is a bit weird but we had a very belated family holiday party yesterday and so you got a lot of belated holiday gifts to take home. This stresses me out. I basically hate having too much stuff and it seems like we always have too much stuff and I don’t know how to get rid of too much stuff so getting more stuff is just overwhelming. I guess that it’s good to get some fresh toys and pack up a bunch of other stuff that you don’t use anymore. We need to donate a box of toys ASAP. I digress. Anyways, on the way home we were talking in the car about the new things you each got and the question was raised as to which you belonged to who. Well, in our house we don’t have toys that aren’t for sharing because that just seems annoying BUT at the same time, we strongly believe that sharing is dumb. Contradictory? A bit. I’ll explain. On the one hand, I’m not buying you each your own shit. You’re too close in age to waste time, space and money on separate toy collections and I don’t think that having an abundance of stuff sends the right message about gratitude and privilege. I think that you should both be happy to have toys. Period. So we try and fill your space with thoughtful, fun things that you can use together. When I say toys you can share I mean toys that both of you can enjoy or eventually enjoy together. When I say sharing is dumb I mean that if you are playing with a toy and someone else wants it, why should you have to give it up? In what world do we do that??I’m all for learning how to take turns and enjoy things together with friends. I’m all for giving someone a toy when you have finished playing with it but I don’t think you have to give up something you are using to be kind. As an adult, I would literally never do that and furthermore, if I did, it would be of my own volition and not because someone told me to “share”. Group play is crucial to development but learning that you can’t just have something because you want it is also important.If you want to share, that’s great. It makes me really happy when my eldest hands a toy to youngest and says she wants to share but I just think it’s wrong to force it on either of them. Let them fight, let them get frustrated and let them see how good it feels to be generous and thoughtful with play on their own. Fuck telling them to share. I’ve got better things to teach. xoMom

January 19, 2018

Dear Babies,

My littlest baby is 7 months old and as the second child has yet to receive the same documentation as the first. I think that your second kid gets a lot of less. Less time with you, less time to shine but then they get a sibling which, now having watched two kids interacting, is way more valuable than being meticulously blogged about.

Anyways, I have a moment to myself today to think and marinate on my babe so I thought it fitting to document this, her 7th month here with us.

Baby, you are a delight. Having 2 kids gives some perspective and benchmarks and so I can say with confidence that you are the happiest baby ever. You delight in everything and everyone and you are easy going and sweet natured.

I have no idea what a baby your age “should” be doing and I could care less. Everything you do is done with joy and honestly, what else matters??

The best thing you currently do is laugh your tiny head off at your sister which is basically enough to make my mom heart explode. I’m a big sister so I have never had the chance to watch someone older than me in admiration but it seems like a lot of fun.

It’s been a long and very short 7 months but after the weeds of newborn-ness I feel like we are doing a lot better. It’s been fun to come out of the haze and get to know you. Your personality seems to grow every day. Now having your sister around for 2.5 years I know that she is as she was a baby – silly, funny and sensitive. Nothing has changed except how it manifests itself. I wonder if in 2 years you will still be sweet, easy going and joyful? I really hope so.

Happy 7 months, baby!

xo

Mom

January 16, 2018

Dear Babies,

Ok, so the single most scary thing about being in Florida with you two and without your dad was the idea of flying home with both of you. Let me start by saying this: you were both a delight to fly down to Florida with BUT flying, at the best of times, is a hands- full job. With kids it’s damn near impossible to not have 4000 things in each hand at all times. You basically need a finger per item and even then… Disassembling and then folding up the stroller at the gate with a baby hanging on to you for dear life and a crying toddler who both “doesn’t want to go on an airplane” and yet can’t stop trying to run away ON TO THE AIRPLANE by herself is a job for 2.

It was so daunting in fact, that it coloured my final days of vacation (I say the word vacation loosely as I imagine vacation to be me laying down for 5 minutes with a mimosa and a book – none of which happened. Ok, fine, I’m lying. I slept a ton but what the hell else was I doing????). So the day arrived and in spite of my efforts to prepare and prepare again, I left the house without my sweatshirt – just to get things started.

But with all that being said and contrary to my wild imagination of what was going to happen, things could not have gone better. You were both total fucking pleasures to fly with and the 3 hours flew by with not one single tear shed. Naps were missed and I’m sure the cabin crew had about 700 million cheerios to clean up but my kids were happy and so I was happy and so the whole damn world should be happy.

Here were my tricks:

1. Never stop eating. I fed these kids until I could feed them no more. Pouches, cookies, crackers, cheese, hummus… you name it, we ate it. If you’ve ever fed a kid you know how long and drawn out that process can be but for once, it was awesome to spend 45 minutes on a package of pretzels.

That was it. There were no apps, no TV shows, no movies, no books, no stickers, no colouring pages, no dolls, nada. I packed everything under the sun to entertain everyone and instead we just shoved our faces full of food until we landed.

Am I supermom? Well, yes but that’s another story for another time. I’m not supermom for flying with 2 kids, I’m just a mom doing the best she can with what she’s got and here are the 2 things I learned in this experience.

1. There is no sense in anticipating how something is going to be. Your dad always tell me that I can’t predict the future even when I’m sure I know how something will happen – and as much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. There was no point stressing over this flight that I was certain would be a disaster because I am not a fucking psychic and I had no way of knowing anything. So why the stress?
2. Even if it had gone as badly as I would have predicted – so what? How many things in our lives go awry in ways we can and can’t predict and how much of it matters. If my kids were total terrors and the 3 hours was a total nightmare – what then? Would it really matter? Would me thinking about it beforehand make a difference? Likely not so why the fuck should I care? The answer is that I shouldn’t so moving forward, I won’t.

I’m officially giving myself permission to stop giving a shit about stupid stuff and I encourage you both to do the same. There will be a zillion bad flights, a zillion good ones and everything in between and all we can do is climb on board, buckle up and try to enjoy the ride (with food).

xo

Mom

January 4, 2018

Dear Babies,

We made it to Florida just in time to escape the winter chill of Canada but Florida didn’t get the memo to bust out the sunshine. We were greeted by our US neighbour with the worst fucking weather. Ever. I mean, it’s not Canada cold here but it sure isn’t Florida hot so good thing I brought 4000 summer clothes for everyone. Not really.

We’ve been coming to Florida for a few years now and I’ve always enjoyed it. The last time I was here my toddler was just a tiny baby so my Florida life was minimally impacted. Sure, I couldn’t sunbathe for hours but hello – who does that anymore anyways??? It’s called aging skin and those hours in the sun are just adding weeks to my wrinkles. But I shopped and ate as usual and it was relaxing.

Florida with 2 kids one of whom is a toddler isn’t relaxing. What is? Florida with shit weather is super not relaxing because spoiler alert: Florida is not geared for toddlers in crap weather. If you can’t run around outside you are limited to the following: aquarium, target, mall.

Suffice to say it hasn’t been the most stimulating few days but we’re happy to be out of the deep freeze and with family. I guess we would be doing the same thing at home but just even colder.

But I can say with confidence that should you have the privilege, don’t book Florida trips with kids if the weather isn’t awesome. The end.

xo

Mom

January 1, 2018

Dear Babies,

It’s 2018 and I’m not even sure how that happened (says me, every year). We (Dad and I) rang in the new year brushing our teeth so suffice to say it was a bumping night. We did actually have friends over for dinner but when you have babies and a flight at 8am the next morning, a night that ends at 11:30 is more than enough.

So my resolution this year has been to write more (so it’s perfect that I’m getting to publishing my January 1st post on the 19th) and to keep the good vibes from our home in 2017 going. It was a hard year for the world as a whole but in our little insulated bubble it couldn’t have been a better one.

2017 brought me the birth of my second babe, a growing and maturing wonderful toddler and an even deeper relationship to my husband. It brought us some funny moments, professional developments and things that brought us to tears but overall I’m grateful that on this New Years, 2018 barely feels like a fresh start and more like the continuation of great momentum.

Cheers to the new year.

xo

Mom