January 29, 2018

Dear Baby,

I know this is a bit weird but we had a very belated family holiday party yesterday and so you got a lot of belated holiday gifts to take home. This stresses me out. I basically hate having too much stuff and it seems like we always have too much stuff and I don’t know how to get rid of too much stuff so getting more stuff is just overwhelming. I guess that it’s good to get some fresh toys and pack up a bunch of other stuff that you don’t use anymore. We need to donate a box of toys ASAP. I digress. Anyways, on the way home we were talking in the car about the new things you each got and the question was raised as to which you belonged to who. Well, in our house we don’t have toys that aren’t for sharing because that just seems annoying BUT at the same time, we strongly believe that sharing is dumb. Contradictory? A bit. I’ll explain. On the one hand, I’m not buying you each your own shit. You’re too close in age to waste time, space and money on separate toy collections and I don’t think that having an abundance of stuff sends the right message about gratitude and privilege. I think that you should both be happy to have toys. Period. So we try and fill your space with thoughtful, fun things that you can use together. When I say toys you can share I mean toys that both of you can enjoy or eventually enjoy together. When I say sharing is dumb I mean that if you are playing with a toy and someone else wants it, why should you have to give it up? In what world do we do that??I’m all for learning how to take turns and enjoy things together with friends. I’m all for giving someone a toy when you have finished playing with it but I don’t think you have to give up something you are using to be kind. As an adult, I would literally never do that and furthermore, if I did, it would be of my own volition and not because someone told me to “share”. Group play is crucial to development but learning that you can’t just have something because you want it is also important.If you want to share, that’s great. It makes me really happy when my eldest hands a toy to youngest and says she wants to share but I just think it’s wrong to force it on either of them. Let them fight, let them get frustrated and let them see how good it feels to be generous and thoughtful with play on their own. Fuck telling them to share. I’ve got better things to teach. xoMom