June 28, 2016

Dear Baby,

I’ve been reflecting a lot about the past weekend and one thing I haven’t told you about is the time when everyone went to the beach. 

Everyone went to the beach on Saturday morning. It was a perfect sunny day and there was this incredible stretch of beach that had this ridiculous sandy bottom that remained shallow for several feet before dipping down and letting you into the pristine waters. 

I fucking love the lake. I hate what might be swimming in it with me but I LOVE swimming and there is nothing better than doing it in a clean fresh water. Give me an ocean, sea or lake and watch me stay in the water like a little kid until I am basically a prune. 

So the beach plus my lake love would have been a match made in heaven except for the fact that I refused to take off my shorts and get in. 

My problem was twofold. 

First and least important was my hair. Being someone who has to plan a full week around the annoying issue of doing my hair and when it will be done, I was unwilling to wet it for fear of having to style it. Style it? Yes. Baby, you should only be blessed with your dad’s thick mane of wavy hair. Curly hair seems cool until you have it and then realize how fucking high maintenance it is. I am not a high maintenance person. 

So ya, I didn’t want to get into my hair. Can you tell what a tripper I am?

Second was a bit more real and embarrassing. In an effort to be honest with you I will tell you that the second reason is because I didn’t want to take off my shorts and have everyone see my legs. Truth. 

Pregnancy and the aftermath have given me the gift of 15 extra pounds and cellulite. I want to not care, I really do and I want you to not care about shit like that because it is stupid but in that moment I cared. I got self conscious and in my own head and I hid behind a pair of shorts. 

And here is what I want you to know about what that was super fucking stupid. 

1. I missed out on doing something I love because I was being a total twat. 

2. I was a poor role model to you. You should be proud of your body always and I have to teach you how. 

3. No one there could have cared less about my legs. Actually. 

4. No one ever cares about shit like that. Sorry- no one who matters cares. 

Don’t hide from things because you are self conscious. Don’t miss a great moment because you are having a bad hair day. Don’t shy away from things that make you happy because you have fears. Just do you. 

Do you in a bikini. Do you in a moomoo. Do you with frizzy hair, with a gross zit or with a crap outfit. Just do you proudly. 

In the meantime, I packed 3 bathing suits for this coming cottage weekend and you best be sure that I am going to be rocking them all weekend long. Hope you don’t cry in the water the whole time again. 

xo

Mom