February 20, 2016

Dear Baby,

About a week or so ago you started reaching. It was SO CUTE. Your little arms would extend out to grab at things that delighted you. Our poor vase of flowers got grabbed quite a bit but the brunt of your reaching out fell on me. You developed what is technically referred to as “mommyitis.”

I have mixed feeling about this affliction. On the one hand, I love that you pretty much exclusively want to be with me. Who wouldn’t? You are a delicious tiny human. I feel amazing knowing that you feel safest and most comfortable with me and I thrive on the opportunities to make you feel secure and loved. 

On the other hand, I have always really been annoyed with kids who just cling to their moms all the time. To some extent it is normal but when a kid won’t even look at you without their mom, I think it’s a bit much. I really don’t want you to become one of those kids who won’t go to anyone or look at anyone or be comfortable with anyone but me. 

The good news is that this behaviour is indicative of a great change happening inside your brain! Periods of clingy and cranky-ness are often precursors to a slew of new mental developments that will allow you to perform brand new activities. 

The even better news is that this is just the beginning of all the amazing learning you will do. Watching you grow is (almost) even better than being furiously cuddled by a tiny baby. 

The bad news (for me) is that this time will undoubtly come to an end and you will even possibly reject me at some point in your life. You will forget all about how good mommy made you feel when you were unsure and you will move on. I will forever hold onto the times that you cuddled into me so tightly that we felt like one person. 

Baby, pretty sure today’s point is clear. Stop right now wherever you are and come give your mom a cuddle (or depending where things are at, at least spend some time fondly thinking about your mom). 

You are probably way past your mommyitis but I will ever be past my babyitis. 

xo

Mom

February 19, 2016

Dear Baby,

I get it, we all think that our little humans are the best little humans on the entire planet. I almost crapped myself in excitement when you put a toe in your mouth so I can only imagine (and hope) that other moms are just as excited about a plethora of random stuff that their precious baby does. 

I am so fortunate to have a group of mamas that seem to really support each other. We socialize in a space where there is no comparing what our babies do, where there doesn’t seem to be any outward judgement of choices made and where I for one, truly and wholeheartedly celebrate the achievements of the other mamas and babes around me. 

The unfortunate part of this great situation is that it is not the case 100% of the time. I have also had the displeasure of hanging out with mamas who are comparative and competitive and who voice their judgements loud and clear without provocation. 

To those mamas and to all mamas out there, here is my message. IT IS TIME TO UNITE. 

For reals. 

Do we not all get enough judgement and shit from strangers, from our well meaning relatives, from our partners and from society in general? 

Do we really need to bring it into the sisterhood of motherhood?

Here’s the thing, I don’t give any fucks at all what your kid does in comparison to mine. Is little X crawling at the exact same age as my baby? Don’t care. Does your baby do complex math while my baby is just learning how to grab objects with her WHOLE HAND? Good for you. 

Hey, did you let your kid cry it out and you think it’s fucking crazy that someone else wakes up 5 times a night to pander to their baby? Keep that shit to yourself. Do you secretly think the mama next to you who is formula feeding her little one is doing it all wrong? Shut the fuck up about it. 

Honestly, I can say for sure that we are all just trying the very best we can. The battle stories I hear from friends are often horrific and I’ll tell you this; if my baby bit off a chunk of my nipple (true story) you’d bet your bottom dollar that I  would give up breast feeding forever. I promise that her kid will be just the same as all kids no matter what kind of milk they drink. 

But it’s hard, mamas. It’s hard not to fall into the trap of competition. More recently someone was commenting on how when their baby was 5 months they were sitting up and how fucking amazing THEIR baby was at basically everything. I actually cringed when I heard myself say “my baby is sitting up now too.”

Ew. 

What weird primal instinct made me engage in such gross behaviour???

There is not one single element of life where we so willingly attack and compare such extremely personal things as this journey in parenting. 

And really, are any of us so fucking perfect?? 

So Baby and baby mamas, ENOUGH.

Let’s get to a place where the response to “my baby is sitting” is a genuine “that’s amazing,” where we applaud a mama who is formula OR breast feeding her baby for just feeding her baby. 

Where we keep those snarky comments to ourselves and don’t pass judgement on our fellow moms. We are all a part of the joy and struggle here and no one is doing it better than anyone else. 

And if after all that you still think you are holier than thou, you don’t deserve any mamas to unite with. 

To the rest of us, keep up the great work!

(Ps. Baby, don’t be a crazy judgemental and competitive biatch. Seriously. Be confident and complimentary and celebrate the success of others just as genuinely as you celebrate your own. You don’t have to be a united mama to be a really nice and good person- k??)

xo

Mom

February 18, 2016

Dear Baby,

Holy crap. 5 months. 

Seriously, there is nothing like being in your 30s with a baby to remind you about how fast time passes. I feel like just yesterday you were this tiny little thing (oh wait, you still are…) and now you are this big (in age only) girl smiling in her sleep as she naps in my arms. 

I must say that so far month 4 was the best. Towards the end of month 3 a fog lifted and I emerged from the haze of exhaustion and frustration that came with being a new mom. My boobs felt better, I began fitting into my most stretchy old jeans, I got used to my new sleep schedule (and started getting more sleep- thank you, Baby) and generally feeling like a human being. I even went out one night last month and drank vodka (ps. If you want to go out and drink vodka, remember to make it worth it. Being up with a mild hangover at 5:45am just blows).

And then, the best thing happened. You began to emerge too. You became this interactive and interesting little person. I began to see your sense of humour and your interests. Does a baby really have interests, you may ask. You do. You really do. You love ribbons, you love flowers and leaves, you love those weird chewy balls, you love soft things, music and you love water. 

In contrast, there are also a lot of things you don’t care for. They include: stuffed animals, being startled or startling noises, loud rattles, finger puppets and having your nose picked. 

Currently, one of the fan favourite games in our house is “round and round the garden.” Your little eyes actually sparkle with anticipation when we get the “one step, two step” part that precedes a tickle fest. If you are in the right moods, you laugh your little head off each time. 

The most interesting change has been this past week when you really developed stranger danger. All of a sudden you won’t go to anyone but me. You seem to need more time to ease into new people and prefer to interact with them from the safety of my arms. 

On the one hand, I LOVE the affection and attention. On the other, I feel bad for everyone who loves you and just wants those delicious baby cuddles. 

You eat your toes, you sit and roll and of late, you wake up in the middle of the night having rotated 180 degrees and laugh for a few minutes before going back to sleep. Your dad and I have had such a great time watching you and listening to you entertain yourself so well at 3am (added bonus- we don’t have to get up). 

I’ll bet I say this every month moving forward but I just can’t imagine life without you. You are my best friend and I feel excited that we get to spend every day together. I might be a bit overbearing and attached to you but it’s only because you are amazing.

So know this. At 5 months old, your mom was obsessed with you. 

Baby, you are very very loved and I am having the best time getting to know you. You are a funny and curious little girl and I can’t wait to keep making you laugh and showing you new things to enjoy and discover. 

Happy 5 months. 

xo

Mom

February 15, 2016

Dear Baby,

Hot on the heels of Valentine’s Day comes an even better day to celebrate together; Family Day. Now don’t get me wrong, there is not a person alive who loves both love and cinnamon hearts as much as me so Valentine’s Day is my jam but this year, what has really stolen my heart is you.

To celebrate we did absolutely nothing special at all but spent the day all together. There was nothing to distinguish this day from any other weekend day (except that it’s a Monday- woot woot) which is exactly what made it so awesome. The fact that any time we can all spend a day together it is amazing, fun and natural.

I’m keeping this post short and sweet (Grammy red carpet is on right now and… you know me). The great message I can share about today is that while it is amazing to designate days to celebrate the ones you love, the true celebration is on days when there is no reason to.

To me, every day is family day (I’ll pause while you go puke rainbows about that).

xo

Mom

February 10, 2016

Dear Baby,

Major points if you can identify that quote. 

Baby, I have to tell you that today is not a great day. It’s only 11am and I already want to turn in and say goodbye to this too- cold Thursday. It’s hard for me to feel this way because it doesn’t happen so often anymore but I woke up this morning without the usual bounce in my step and we have gone downhill from there. 

First of all, it’s balls cold outside. Balls. Like feels like -30 out. I regret not going back to Florida and being all like, oh I don’t mind the cold. It’s easy not to mind the cold when cold is 0. Not so much at -30. The point of that cool story bro weather account is that we are basically stuck inside today and for once, have nothing to do. 

Second of all your dad is home working today. I love your dad so much but nothing makes you feel like more of a loser than having someone watch what you do when they wouldn’t be around. All those silly songs I sing you and weird things I do with you around the house seem totally dumb when someone is watching me. It’s like having someone hear you talk to yourself.

But mostly, I woke up with horrible back pain. Like so bad. I have to stress again that you should be caring for your back NOW. Bad backs are fucking annoying. 

And here’s the thing. No one gives a fuck. It’s not like I get a day off when I feel like shit. My back hurts but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to be lifted and carried as much as usual. Yesterday when I had a sudden and aggressive migraine, no one cared. I still had to go about my day. I couldn’t lie down or rest. There is no such thing as rest anymore. 

When I shuffled out of bed and complained about my back your dad just got annoyed with me that I am having so many problems with it. Like as if I don’t lament the pain. Not like he offers a massage or an Advil or just some fucking sympathy. Nope. I am not the one to be cared for anymore. 

The truth is Baby, I am an adult and I am capable of caring for you and myself. That doesn’t mean that sometimes- just sometimes- I don’t want to be taken care of. That I don’t secretly wish that this morning I got a big hug and kiss instead of a lecture about how I need to take better care of my back. 

I am an adult but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t cry in the bathroom like a child and feel even sadder when no one came to comfort me. You cry and I am there in a flash to cuddle you and make you feel better. I cry and may as well be the only living person on the planet for the attention I get for it. 

Because when you have a baby, you can’t be the baby anymore. Preach on Overboard. Preach on. 

I think that this perspective makes me feel for my own mom who likely trucked through a million migraines and backaches and days where she felt like shit to take care of me. The way she probably sometimes felt like the most unimportant shitty person so that she could make me feel exceptional.

I think the point I am trying to make here is that we should all be nice and give the people around us some TLC when we can. Moms, babies, siblings and friends. Even strangers. We can all use some love and kindness in our lives. You need to be taken care of to take care and feel supported to be a good support. 

In the meantime I’ll wipe these self-pitying tears (and the barf you left on my shoulder), take an Advil and get on with it because today, you are the baby.

xo

Mom

February 8, 2016

Dear Baby,

Your lesson comes right out of the gate this morning. Take care of your back. Seriously. Don’t roll your eyes at me when I tell you to sit up straight or suggest that you spend time daily on the foam roller. I rolled my eyes at my mom all the time about it. I live to regret that.

Here I am after 10 years of eye rolling with a back that is totally fucked up and completely amplified by the fact that I have a 10 pound and growing weight attached to my body at all times. 

It hurts to sleep, it hurts to sit and it hurts to bend down and lift you up. I am a 90 year old woman living in a 33 year old body. 

So at the current moment I am giving up night duty to your dad once a week to have someone literally crush my body with their elbows as they attempt to work out the massive knots I have accumulated in my back (let’s not even get into my knees). 

I can think of many many things I would rather do with a night off beginning with anything other than Physiotherapy (no offence to the therapist who is awesome). 

Plus, taking care of your back (and general body) gets harder and harder as you get older. It’s not like I can be like, oh I just don’t feel like doing shit today. There is too much shit to do. I can’t for example, not go shovel the snow around my car this morning but doing so will be another trigger of pain. Can’t not carry you all day (AND WOULD NOT WANT TO) but like I said- 10 pound weight. When I was working on sets its not like I could be like, oh hey y’all this concrete floor is really hard on my legs so can I just grab an hour to rest. 

Look at all the shits that no one gives. 

So Babes, TAKE CARE OF THAT PRECIOUS BACK (and body). If you are going to be rolling, do it on the foam and give those eyes a break. I promise this one time, mama knows best. 

xo

Mom

February 7, 2016

Dear Baby,

Can I get a toot toot. Can I get a beep beep? Ug. So lame, mom. Who the fuck is R. Kelly?

Whatever, Baby. 

Weekends. Marginally different from weekdays of you are on mat leave since every day is a “wake up at 6am” kind of day when you have a baby. For us, weekends mean that your dad is around (except for ALL OF FUCKING FOOTBALL SEASON- LATER, FOOTBALL. SEE YOU NEXT SEASON- maybe with a better halftime show too- amiright???). 

4 hands are better than 2 and special things happen on the weekend such as mom can go back to bed in the morning for an hour or we can take turns cleaning up your very predictable but gross mid afternoon poop explosion. It’s the little things that make a Saturday, a Saturday.

This weekend in particular was gorgeous (for February) so we took advantage of the way above average temperature and walked to the local farmers market and stopped on the way to visit a friend. This friend is a family of 4 with 2 amazing kids who are 2 and 4 and we walked in on them all in their pyjamas having a long breakfast and building forts. 

When we asked them what they were up to for the rest of the day they surprised us by saying “nothing.” 

They had no plans, no classes, no schedule and no obligations. They explained that they actively chose to have a weekend day together as a family with nothing to do. FUCKING BRILLIANT. 

So we are going to be copy cats and take this idea as our own. 

It means:

No scheduled activity, no programs, no weekly obligations and no set plans for at least one day every weekend. 

Waking up and spending the day as we please. 

Letting you build forts all morning long if you so choose. 

Not having to rush anywhere or be anywhere. 

Doing it all together. 

Of course, there will be parties, family functions and the like but we want to hang out with you in an unstructured way and actually see what you like to do. Love to swim? Let’s all go to the pool! Love the museum? Family trip to the ROM. You get the idea. 

Baby, the world you will grow up in is a really hectic place. Long before I had you I was lamenting about how hard it is to have free time. We are lucky to have so much to do but sometimes the best laid plans were to have none at all. 

Having you makes me want to slow down and take some deep breaths. It makes me want to really savor the moments. Days with you go by really fast and one day I will blink and you will have plans all your own every weekend. You won’t want to show me your cool new pillow fort or hold my hand as we check out dinosaurs.

I know that you are bound to get busy too one day. I hope you have tons of family, friends and interests to keep your schedule full of loving and wonderful things to do. If I could share one piece of advice on this topic it would be to use this weekend-is-rest long before or despite having kids. 

Only in the past while have your dad and I been a bit more scheduled. We have always been huge advocates of having a fun and obligation free day per week to just do whatever the fuck we wanted. I will never look back and wish I had taken more classes or programs. I will only be grateful that I took a lot of walks with my husband and friends, drove a bit out of the way to check out cool markets or trails and spent full days in sweatpants when I wanted to. 

Moving forward I don’t think you will be remiss for not having 600 programs to attend every Saturday morning. I think you too will look back and be glad the weekend learning and experiencing you did came from being together and seeing the world together. 

You can let me know what you think one lazy Saturday morning in the future. 

For now, I’m poring myself another cup of coffee. 

xo

Mom

February 6, 2016

Dear Baby,

An amazing thing happened recently which is that you started being awake more, more attentive when awake and with longer stretches of time. It’s amazing to see you emerge from a sleeping machine to a real active baby who wants to do things. 

So now I am tasked with thinking of things to do with you. 

Baby, you have a pretty action packed life. We take classes, we go for walks, we run errands, we visit friends and family and we are out and about A LOT. 

Nonetheless, by virtue of the fact that you still nap a lot and need a sufficient amount of downtime, we also do a lot of things alone. 

I have never been one to enjoy being alone. I have always preferred the company of others even if it means sitting together in silence. Being alone has always made me anxious and while I am obviously not alone with you around, you are not yet the exact model of human interaction that I would have previously wanted. 

But if I want you to sleep well (I do) and have restful times (I do) and be able to hang out in your own space (guess what?? I do), then spend alone time with you I must. 

For example, right now you are fast asleep and I am home alone on a Saturday afternoon. I could have run out with you and let you nap on the go, I could have made us plans but the truth is the more I do it, the more I relish in alone time. 

Alone time means I can write a blog. Alone. In pyjamas. It means I could clean the house of I wanted (haha) or spend an hour getting lost in the black hole of the Internet (way more likely). 

I know one day I am going to have to face my strong aversion to doing crowded crap on a Saturday. One day you will want to go to the ROM or the mall or somewhere that’s bound to be overrun with screaming kids and annoying people but for now, you are just as happy in the house as you are out so I don’t HAVE to worry about parking at fucking Yorkdale. 

Baby, the message to share on this wonderful solo Saturday afternoon is that I want you to learn to live time spent with yourself. There is some cheesy magnet style quote that says something like, you spend a lot of time with yourself so make yourself fun to hang with- or something more eloquent. But that’s actually important. 

I rejected being alone for so long for fear that I would be lonely but the truth is that life gets busier and busier and now alone time is the one time I have to myself. You go through life with so much “spare” time that dwindles and dwindles with age and being alone is a great skill to develope when you have the choice of things to do with your time. 

Plus, biasedly, you are awesome so I can only imagine that you would enjoy your own company as much as I enjoy you. 

Yes I will want us to hang out ALL THE TIME FOREVER but once you walk and talk, I’ll bet we will both need time alone (maybe me more than you at first).

xo

Mom

February 1, 2016

Dear Baby,

The thing about group mentality is that it can really get to you. It’s not as cliche as that whole “of your friends jump off a cliff” stuff but there is something to peer pressure that is real. 

So when my mom friends all told me that they put their babies to bed at 7, I came home and promptly announced to your dad that we too would instill an ETB for you. Previously your VERY loose bedtime was somewhere between 8 and 9pm. We agreed to move your bedtime to 730 as a compromise. 

They say that sleep begets sleep and whoever “they” are- brilliant. So sweet Baby, you went to bed for the first night at 730 and had a better sleep than ever before. It may have been a fluke so like any good experiment, we repeated it the next night and had another success. Third night was an even earlier bedtime of 7 and an even better night and every night since has followed the same trend. 

We all sleep better in this house but most importantly, you get so many extra hours of sleep per week. More sleep is more time for you to grow and I am all for your growth and development. 

The weird side effect is that your dad and I have SO MUCH FREE TIME AT NIGHT. Like, what do we even do with all this time?????

So far, I have crocheted a few headbands, we have spent a lot of time watching Chopped, I have eaten a lot of popcorn and gone to bed every night at 10. It’s pretty rad. 

Baby, I hope you are a strong willed woman. I hope that you have tons of confidence to make independent decisions on your life and I hope that you have friends around you who never pressure you to make shitty decisions. 

That being said, if your friends suggest something to you as harmless as trying an hour earlier bedtime, please try it if it feels right to you. 

When you have great friends and feel good about decisions you make, you may just end up with something amazing (and strange) on your hand like redound dinners with your partner and prime time TV. 

Oh, and thanks for being such a sweet little sleeper. Poo poo poo.

xo

Mom

January 26, 2016

Dear Baby,

I swore up and down that we would never be “those people”. You know, the ones who can’t commit to a single plan or timeline because of their precious schedule. Baby can’t go to bed one second past 7:00pm or they will obviously just totally combust and turn into a toad. 

For the first 4 months that oath was an easy one to adhere to. Solution: take you everywhere. Since you cried often and slept often it was pretty hard to tell when you were tired, per say so we got away with running around on our schedule. 

We ate when we wanted, went out for late dinners with you and the bucket in tow and basically felt like the most chill parents around accepting invitations to any ge together with a smug grin thinking “we got this”.

Well, 4 months in and tonight we are having dinner with friends at 5pm. 5pm. I think I have to repeat that again for full effect. 5PM. Dinner. 

The truth is, the older you get, the more you need some kind of schedule. We can fight it all we want and be as chill as we can be about it but a tired baby is a terror and the only single way to avoid a tired baby is to bow down and pray to the sleep gods.

Those gods demand sacrifices and one of them is your old social life. 

But Baby, I’m here to assure you that this is no big deal. In fact, dare I say- I like our new routine. I’ve always been one for a good nights sleep and a sensible bed time so this suits me just fine. 

So when you one day have a baby (or just start getting old- because age makes you super tired too- win/win) here are some tips to stay hip when you are feeling square. 

1. Find friends on your timeline- nothing makes you feel lamer than eating dinner alone at 530. Nothing. Sure, you may have a baby as company but let’s face it- babies can’t provide you with enough stimulating conversation to make this early mealtime palatable every night. Find some other parents and eat together when you can. 

2. Get creative in the kitchen- try a new recipe, make an old recipe, DONT FOLLOW ANY RECIPE AND LIVE LIFE DANGEROUSLY. So what you gotta do to make mealtime an experience. Bonus: early meals really do yield to more excuses for evening snacks. Hello popcorn. 

3. Embrace your time- ya, ya. You used to be so cool. Guess what? No none cares but you so time to jump on the early bird bandwagon. Remember waiting in line for hours to try a sexy new restaurant? You can go to any resto you want. No one lines up for sexy places at 5. Remember going to bed stuffed because you couldn’t stop shovelling your face at your 930pm dinner? Promise you that no matter what you eat you will have digested it by dinner when you eat early. Oh, and no time to clean up the lichen after dinner because it got too late? Haha. Your kitchen can be clean (ish). 

4. Eating with your babies (if you have babies) is awesome- it is never too early to show your baby that eating is fun and being together as a family is even better. I’m super into showing you a huge variety of food that you will one day eat. I am a huge believer that kids learn good eating from their parents. Plus, we talk (right now we talk at you. One day to you) and enjoy time together as a family. 

5. Deviate from the schedule- ain’t nothing wrong with eating a late meal or going out sans baby. I think that while it’s great to be on your little ones schedule, it’s also great for them to know that you have a life outside of them and that food and eating it are a fun part of your social experience in and out of the house. 

6. Feed baby- we haven’t fed you food yet but having you actually eat at mealtime is sure to make it more fun, messy and chaotic. You’all fit in perfectly with our meals.

So embrace your new timelines- whatever they turn out to be. If you are having fun and enjoying it, who cares if it is still light out??? 

Remember this when you scoff at early dinners when you are young and think you’ll be eating at 9pm for ever. And enjoy those dinners just the same. 

xo

Mom