February 6, 2016

Dear Baby,

An amazing thing happened recently which is that you started being awake more, more attentive when awake and with longer stretches of time. It’s amazing to see you emerge from a sleeping machine to a real active baby who wants to do things. 

So now I am tasked with thinking of things to do with you. 

Baby, you have a pretty action packed life. We take classes, we go for walks, we run errands, we visit friends and family and we are out and about A LOT. 

Nonetheless, by virtue of the fact that you still nap a lot and need a sufficient amount of downtime, we also do a lot of things alone. 

I have never been one to enjoy being alone. I have always preferred the company of others even if it means sitting together in silence. Being alone has always made me anxious and while I am obviously not alone with you around, you are not yet the exact model of human interaction that I would have previously wanted. 

But if I want you to sleep well (I do) and have restful times (I do) and be able to hang out in your own space (guess what?? I do), then spend alone time with you I must. 

For example, right now you are fast asleep and I am home alone on a Saturday afternoon. I could have run out with you and let you nap on the go, I could have made us plans but the truth is the more I do it, the more I relish in alone time. 

Alone time means I can write a blog. Alone. In pyjamas. It means I could clean the house of I wanted (haha) or spend an hour getting lost in the black hole of the Internet (way more likely). 

I know one day I am going to have to face my strong aversion to doing crowded crap on a Saturday. One day you will want to go to the ROM or the mall or somewhere that’s bound to be overrun with screaming kids and annoying people but for now, you are just as happy in the house as you are out so I don’t HAVE to worry about parking at fucking Yorkdale. 

Baby, the message to share on this wonderful solo Saturday afternoon is that I want you to learn to live time spent with yourself. There is some cheesy magnet style quote that says something like, you spend a lot of time with yourself so make yourself fun to hang with- or something more eloquent. But that’s actually important. 

I rejected being alone for so long for fear that I would be lonely but the truth is that life gets busier and busier and now alone time is the one time I have to myself. You go through life with so much “spare” time that dwindles and dwindles with age and being alone is a great skill to develope when you have the choice of things to do with your time. 

Plus, biasedly, you are awesome so I can only imagine that you would enjoy your own company as much as I enjoy you. 

Yes I will want us to hang out ALL THE TIME FOREVER but once you walk and talk, I’ll bet we will both need time alone (maybe me more than you at first).

xo

Mom