Darling, if you have a baby you won’t be the baby anymore

February 10, 2016

Dear Baby,

Major points if you can identify that quote. 

Baby, I have to tell you that today is not a great day. It’s only 11am and I already want to turn in and say goodbye to this too- cold Thursday. It’s hard for me to feel this way because it doesn’t happen so often anymore but I woke up this morning without the usual bounce in my step and we have gone downhill from there. 

First of all, it’s balls cold outside. Balls. Like feels like -30 out. I regret not going back to Florida and being all like, oh I don’t mind the cold. It’s easy not to mind the cold when cold is 0. Not so much at -30. The point of that cool story bro weather account is that we are basically stuck inside today and for once, have nothing to do. 

Second of all your dad is home working today. I love your dad so much but nothing makes you feel like more of a loser than having someone watch what you do when they wouldn’t be around. All those silly songs I sing you and weird things I do with you around the house seem totally dumb when someone is watching me. It’s like having someone hear you talk to yourself.

But mostly, I woke up with horrible back pain. Like so bad. I have to stress again that you should be caring for your back NOW. Bad backs are fucking annoying. 

And here’s the thing. No one gives a fuck. It’s not like I get a day off when I feel like shit. My back hurts but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to be lifted and carried as much as usual. Yesterday when I had a sudden and aggressive migraine, no one cared. I still had to go about my day. I couldn’t lie down or rest. There is no such thing as rest anymore. 

When I shuffled out of bed and complained about my back your dad just got annoyed with me that I am having so many problems with it. Like as if I don’t lament the pain. Not like he offers a massage or an Advil or just some fucking sympathy. Nope. I am not the one to be cared for anymore. 

The truth is Baby, I am an adult and I am capable of caring for you and myself. That doesn’t mean that sometimes- just sometimes- I don’t want to be taken care of. That I don’t secretly wish that this morning I got a big hug and kiss instead of a lecture about how I need to take better care of my back. 

I am an adult but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t cry in the bathroom like a child and feel even sadder when no one came to comfort me. You cry and I am there in a flash to cuddle you and make you feel better. I cry and may as well be the only living person on the planet for the attention I get for it. 

Because when you have a baby, you can’t be the baby anymore. Preach on Overboard. Preach on. 

I think that this perspective makes me feel for my own mom who likely trucked through a million migraines and backaches and days where she felt like shit to take care of me. The way she probably sometimes felt like the most unimportant shitty person so that she could make me feel exceptional.

I think the point I am trying to make here is that we should all be nice and give the people around us some TLC when we can. Moms, babies, siblings and friends. Even strangers. We can all use some love and kindness in our lives. You need to be taken care of to take care and feel supported to be a good support. 

In the meantime I’ll wipe these self-pitying tears (and the barf you left on my shoulder), take an Advil and get on with it because today, you are the baby.

xo

Mom

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Darling, if you have a baby you won’t be the baby anymore

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