Friends with Babies

December 15, 2015

Dear Baby,

I hope that you have really nice friends in your life. I cannot tell you enough how important they have been to me in my life. By now, you have probably met a lot of them and I hope that many of them feel just as much like family to you as they do to me.

 

The best thing about having a lot of friends, Baby is that inevitably some will be going through the same things as you at various stages in your life and will be able to just get you.

Yesterday, I was speaking to one of my oldest friend who has a baby older than you and I was trying to tell her how I feel- the roller coaster of emotions I am finding myself on- and she just got it. When I told her that I have moments when I hate you dad, she countered with a story about whacking her husband in the head with a pillow one night when he didn’t swaddle their baby right.

Because, Baby, when you go through anything in life you will NEED people to tell you that they have done it too, it’s ok and offer your support with NO JUDGEMENT. There is nothing that can be more isolating than these monumental events and being a new mom can be so lonely and weird without people to talk to about how weird it is.

Without friends to talk to would I be able to shake off that one time I spilled that precious pumped milk in the sink (worst.ever.)? And how would I deal with the poop explosions, the crazy functions, family nonsense and sleepless nights without someone to laugh it off with. Who would come to my rescue and drop off 3 different kinds of carriers that afternoon when I couldn’t settle you and was pulling out my hair? Who could I call just to go for a walk when I needed company or advice?

Baby, the moral here is an obvious one. Surround yourself with great people and you will always have great people around you. Talk to your friends about stuff- about me even if you have to. Share your life with the people in it who love you and you will be rewarded with respite from loneliness and feelings of “am I the only one who…”

And maybe, just maybe they will be good enough friends to steer you away from those shitty tearaway pants (seriously- I know at least 5 of you who witnessed that part of my life- what the fuck were you thinking????). If not, let’s hope they are wearing them with you.

xo

Mom

 

 

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Friends with Babies

Baby Clothes

December 10, 2015

Dear Baby,

Confession: I cried harder than you did getting your first needle when I packed up your newborn clothes today.

I noticed the other night that your newborn size onesies were getting snug and I was thrilled and sad all at once- because how could anything in this crazy journey not be the parallel of 2 huge emotions.

I am obviously thrilled that your are growing. You are a super tiny baby and newborn clothes have lasted you far longer than the average. When people tell you not to buy a lot of really small clothes for your baby, they have obviously not had one that got 3 months of wear (and then some since I can still fit you into anything without feet).

I am thrilled to be unpacking a whole new box of stuff for you. I am obsessed with your wardrobe and the excuse to shop for tiny clothes is even better than shopping for myself. Plus, now out of newborn sizes, I am afforded a whole new range of clothes possibilities. The world of 0-3 is upon us, Baby.

I am thrilled that you continue to be SO damn cute and into dressing up. Today you are wearing a one piece tracksuit. A ONE PIECE TRACKSUIT- who even thinks of shit this cute????

I am so sad that you are growing. Packing up your newborn clothes is the end of you as my newborn baby. You are entering a whole new phase of life and I can see it in far more than just the labels on your clothes. I basically blinked and 12 weeks went by and they are now our past. I know that if this is how it is with you, I am going to sneeze and you will be a fucking teenager.

I am so sad to be packing up the clothes  I have come to love for you. We will never again have a day lounging in your tiny polka dot onesie with the hearts or the blue outfit with matching hat that made you look like a little boy elf. The outfit you came home from the hospital in that swam on you is now in a tupperwear.

I am so sad that on several days in the past week you have looked so grown up. Gone are all the funny newborn isms- in their place is a little baby who is becoming more and more of a person ever day.

So Baby, when you love something or someone, TREASURE EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. It’s so cliche to say it but time goes by so fast and you never fully know what you have until it is gone. Oh, and take a lot of pictures.

xo

Mom

Baby Clothes

Roundup: 12 Weeks

December 11, 2015

Dear Baby,

You are sleeping beside me as I write this and I am doing everything in my power not to wake you up and eat your face- because we don’t eat babies- jokes, we def do.

You are 12 weeks old today and this week has been FULL of changes for you.

The most major thing to happen this week is that you rolled. We had you up in tummy time and all of a sudden you rolled ourself onto your back. You looked just as shocked as we were that it happened. Fluke? We thought maybe but it has happened again twice. We are a bit less surprised but you still look like you landed from Mars each time.

The subsequent follow up is that we agreed (your dad insisted) that it is time for you to sleep unswaddled. Between rolling and the fact that you have started to chew on your hands through the swaddle make us (or really just your over neurotic dad) nervous that you might suffocate yourself.

Putting a baby to sleep unswaddled is hilarious and sad. The moro reflex- which I LOVE like, please be cuter when you splay your little arms- is still strong and so sleep last night was a series of you startling yourself awake and then being so sad that you were awake and then trying your hardest to go back to sleep. And repeat.

But the best is your mornings. I still fucking hate waking up at 4am- it has not gotten any easier or better BUT, this week instead of waking to your cry and dragging my tired ass out of bed with you, I have woken to a smiling baby. IT. IS. THE. BEST. I would actually wake up at 4am forever if that was my morning forever.

Baby, your little smiles are insane. There is nothing in the world like feeling wanted, needed and loved in the am and the reciprocation of those feelings is amazeballs good.

Happy 12 weeks my sweet baby.

xo

Mom

Roundup: 12 Weeks

I’m an Asshole, Baby

December 6, 2015

Dear Baby,

Here’s a truth that no one tells you about postpartum life. You turn into a raging fucking bitch. Like, take who you were at the peak of puberty, add in the way you were when you began to assert your independence as a shitty high schooler and multiply it by a million.

There are some moments that I actually can’t believe the shit that comes out of my mouth. It’s like I have absolutely no filter or control of my words and feelings. I am possessed by this heinous person who says totally messed up shit.

Your dad is, of course the main recipient of the tirades. Friends call and I’m all like, oh everything is great and we are having an amazing week (true) and then your dad calls and I’m like fuck this fucking shit I hate everything and our house is a mess and the dog smells like crap and the mailman who knocked on our door is a fuckhead and I burned my mouth on fucking coffee and I hate you (also true).

New dads should get a manual on how to deal with their crazy ass wives after they have a baby. I actually don’t know how he listens to me unleash all that emotion peppered with the word fuck in every sentence and doesn’t pack his bags and run for the hills.

Baby, your take away today. Spend your time and love on people who will stand by you and support you even when you are a total asshole. And try your best not to be an asshole when you can.

xo

Mom

I’m an Asshole, Baby

Baby FOMO

December 5, 2015

Dear Baby,

Last night was the first of many that I stayed home with you and missed a fun night out with friends that your dad went to.

I have some mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, you are the thing I have wanted the most so being with you is my absolute privilege. On the other hand, I want a glass (or bottle) of wine and to talk about something other than sleep and poop with you friends who I feel like I haven’t see in ages.

Plus, I found myself super smug that I could spend the whole night alone with you and totally resentful that your dad could spend the whole night without you.

So while he was out for the night celebrating a close friends birthday, eating a long meal and drinking scotch I was eating take out salad (or inhaling salad in 5 fucking seconds) over your head while watching the Amy Winehouse biopic on basically mute while you slept in my arms and I prayed you wouldn’t have another fussy- ass night.

I wish I could say that I loved the night. That it felt super special to just hang out with you alone and relax but the truth is that I just found it stressful and annoying. I felt like I spent 6 hours walking on eggshells to make you happy which, in the end you weren’t. After a great feed and a great sleep you woke up just as your dad came home screaming.

I must confess to you now that in my haste and frustration I think I might have told you to shut the fuck up. Really sorry about that.

So Baby, here is your lesson today. Just because you might be very happy with your life doesn’t mean you won’t be jealous if others at times. I would NEVER trade a minute with you but that doesn’t stop me from having a huge hate-on for your dad as he describes his witty conversations and amazing 3 course dinner that he the with 2 hands (a luxury never to be taken for granted).

I always feel very guilty when I have this feeling of FOMO or jealousy because I feel like it diminishes how much I love you and how much I want you and how much staying home with you any night of the week is my actual dream come true. I think that we can live with many juxtapositions in our life and missing our old life does not negate loving our new one.

The best you can hope to do is stay present and know that sometimes having it all means giving a lot up. Oh, and buy yourself some chocolate on nights like tonight. Having to eat fucking fruit while you stew is basically the worst thing ever.

xo

Mom.

Baby FOMO

Baby Steps

December 4, 2015

Dear Baby,

For every step we take forward we take one step back. I was so thrilled about your laughter yesterday that I almost forgot about the fact that you have turned into a total snake for the past 3 days.

Babies have this weird way of turning on a dime. One day you think you know them so well and then they are all like, haha you stupid idiot. You know nothing at all.

Here’s how it’s been. You wake up from sleep or nap and scream bloody murder for the 5 seconds it takes me to whip out your meal/ my boob. Then we change you mid feed and you scream even louder. Then we finish your feed and you keep screaming until you realize that you are actually not upset any more. Then you smile.

I get about 20 minutes of the sweetest girl in the world before you get tired eyes and then you spend the next 40 ish minutes screaming again while I try and relax you to sleep.

I mean, I get it. It must be so shit to have someone rock you to sleep to the sound of ambient white noise in a perfectly temperature controlled room. I totally understand.

Good old Dr. Google informed me that this is a new developmental and growth stage and that your sudden snake- like behaviours are totally normal- which is obviously nice to hear and saves me calling the exorcist.

Baby, you are already always one step ahead of me. I spend my days watching you and deciphering your baby code to try and keep up but you are fucking fast, Baby.

I keep feeling so caught off guard when I notice that what I thought was working well is no longer working but I think I need to temper my expectations and realize that I will never have it down to a t. You will always be pushing your own new limits and keeping me on my toes.

So, with that in mind, today’s lesson is to never stay complacent and to never rest on your laurels. A million situations will occur in your life that will test all the things you know to be true. A great person will rise in the face of those tests and changes. A weak person will falter and a normal person who is striving to be the best they can be will probably cry in the bathroom for a minute or two and then go out and tackle the day (not that I am speaking from experience in said bathroom or anything).

Babies, or life in general will always be one step ahead of you so all you can do is smile, be open to new things, learn as you go and try your best to keep up.

Hope I can keep up with you, Baby.

Xo

Mom

Baby Steps

Laughter is Medicine, Baby

December 3, 2015

Dear Baby,

This afternoon after spending a full day together, you did the most amazing thing. You laughed.

You began smiling a few weeks ago and those amazing little smiles have since become huge gummy grins that greet me in the mornings and all throughout the day. That little smile saved your tiny bum from being my number one enemy at 4am.

So today when I began playing a silly game with you in bed and your have me the biggest grin, I was delighted but not surprised but that grin turned into a full person laugh. A real laugh and I just about died.

They say laughter is the best medicine and I can’t agree more. Forget being tired, dirty and hungry. I could live on that sweet little laugh alone.

I have spent the remainder of today trying to replicate that laugh from you.

I want you to know, Baby that despite what you might think based on your 11 weeks of observation- your dad and I both love to laugh and we laugh a lot.

You may not hear it much now in your short periods of wakefulness. You may only hear coos, happy voices and music but when you are asleep and we can finally talk properly we laugh quiet muffled laughs.

I love your laugh the most because I can’t wait for all of us to laugh together. I hope to give you a home filled with laughter and fun and seeing the beginning of it today made my heart swell with delight.

So today’s lesson is less a lesson and more a hope that this first laugh will be the first one millions and that you will be able to laugh about funny things, laugh off the haters, laugh at yourself and laugh at others (in a kind way). That you will love to laugh.

What more could I ask for? (Maybe for you to laugh again tomorrow…)

xo

Mom

Laughter is Medicine, Baby