December 1, 2015

Dear Baby,

Happy December. I can’t even believe how fast time is passing. Every day just flies by and here we are in the final month before 2015.

Baby, being a new mom- like many transitions in your life- call to question who you are. I remember going through this back at the beginning of university and then again in my mid 20s. Each new stage begging a definition of what makes you you.

In university I defined myself through giving zero fucks. Zero. Please give some fucks if you go to university, Baby. It is an expensive time not to care about. I digress.

In my late 20s I redefined myself again. I went from no fucks given to being a somewhat responsible human. I went back to school and graduated after dropping out, I began a career I enjoyed and I met your dad and began the very basics of starting a life together. Things gave certainly progressed from there but nothing has changed so dramatically again until now.

With this new transition I am left in a pretty unfamiliar place. It’s been a good 10 years since I had to question myself and I don’t think I was at all prepared to do it again.

But here I am.

And in this new body that I don’t know, with a new room mate that I am just getting to know, with a relationship that has been turned upside down and with friends that I can’t seem to talk to i am feeling a bit lost in the process.

I don’t know if this is what it is like for everyone, Baby but in case you ever feel lost in yourself know that you are not alone.

I know that this redefinition will take time and I know that it is not as dramatic as I am making it out to be.

You and I are getting more used to each other every day and your dad and I are learning to navigate having a loving relationship while parenting and being kind to each other on no sleep (which he is WAY better at). Friendships continue to evolve and for every friend that I feel less relatable to now, a new one has popped up.

It all seems so much more important than it or then it will be in a few months from now when I have the perspective to reflect back.

Even though it is hard to “lose yourself”, the amazing thing is that you also get to build on yourself. There is still a tiny part of me that gives zero fucks, a part that is excited about work, a part that is more responsible, a part that is childish. There are a million parts and it is amazing that we are constantly afforded the chances to change and grow.

So Baby, today’s lesson is that growing and changing can be really hard and really scary but don’t be afraid. We are so dynamic and amazing and every chance you get to grow will layer in the incredible pieces that make you special.

Every transition you make will layer on a new piece of you like an onion (or something more glamorous than an onion- why do people always use onion layers as analogies- I’m sure we could find another item that has multiple layers- or onion, whatever.)

Keep growing my little onion.

xo

Mom