October 19, 2017

Dear Babies,

Today marks our littlest being 4 months. Time has flown by in the way that any amazing/terrible experience does. In hindsight, it was fast. In the moment, painfully slow. I was re reading the 4 month entries from back in 2016 and it seems that, contrary to my narrative of it, this was pretty much the same for me back then too.

In my mind, I was sleeping blissful nights and enjoying every precious moment but it seems like I was a sleep deprived maniac then too which is comforting and scary.

At 4 months I can tell you that on the good side, you are a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY girl. You literally never cry (unless we’re home alone together after a particularly bad night (because, you know… karma???) and in fact when you are wide awake in the middle of every night, you are smiling away. That’s just you. Demanding but oh so happy. You are rolling around, cooing away, playing with your toys and seemingly fascinated with your sister (and who can blame you).

The bad is that the time and dedication I once had has been cut in 2 and divided by 10. I have not once spent a full day just with you doing nothing. It just doesn’t happen for us. I feel badly because it’s time that is special and time that I want to have but between your sister, life, work and maybe taking a shower here and there, it’s not happening. I hope the having a full loving house and 2 parents who know the drill and don’t freak out about everything is an adequate compensation to not having tons of one-on-one time.

In fairness, we do spend some quality time together and it is really nice and we still take epic naps cuddling in my bed (yup, in bed, don’t judge me) so it’s not to say we aren’t bonded – just to say that I wish I cold spend even more time together.

The hopefully soon to change is that you never fucking sleep. If you could get that together, I would be so much happier. Thanks.

Mostly though, having you both is great and a testament to that is the fact that I have your sister napping, you napping, the whole house to myself and here I am sitting and writing a blog about you to you. There you go.

And so my loves, with a little more sleep we should be a-ok and after a rough start and a REALLY TIRED day, I’m happy to be able to say that.

xo

Mom