October 16, 2017

Dear Babies,

It’s been a while. I’m sorry. Again. 2 kids is no joke and life is busy – to say the least. But I’m sitting here with your dad, coming down from a hot workout class (like, who ever thought that would be a good idea??? Make you work out in a heated room. Thanks. I sweat enough as is) and since he’s watching sports, I have basically silence. Minus the sports. He’s busy drooling at the tv screen.

So right now in life there is a huge women’s movement based on the recent true allegations of this Hollywood producer who was sexually assaulting women. It was physical and it was verbal and basically a zillion actresses and Hollywood people came forward and accused this major person of rape and abuse and so the dialogue begins.

The gist is that it’s not ok to sexually assault women. In the workplace or otherwise. And this extends from rape to unsolicited touching to sexual comments to even being fucking whistled at on the street. Finally, people are saying what we women have know for years. It’s just not ok.

So with all this going on in the media, you would guess that people would be EXTRA sensitive to not doing this shit. I mean, it’s crazy that it happens in the first place but now when the spotlight is on it, even crazier and yet…

I was out this weekend for your aunt’s stagette and we ended the night at a hard core dance club. Now, for the record, I don’t typically go to places like that. It was insane and I seriously hope you girls don’t go to places like that. I saw at least 3 separate “couples” have full out dry sex (I think dry) around me. Women were dressed in what even my teenage self would call fucking skimmmmpppppy. A piece of fabric is not a dress. K? And there were so many guys wearing sunglasses indoors. Newsflash: you still look high on coke, dude.

And don’t you think that not one, but at least 3 guys came over and physically touched me. It ranged from someone putting their arm around my shoulders to a guy pulling at my arm as I was walking to a guy trying to dance up behind me. All 3 times I said “no thank you” and all 3 times I was ignored. So just to repeat, in the wake of a huge conversation about violating women and their rights to have a safe and not fucking gross personal space, I was touched against my will more than one time in a given night.

And the thing about it was that it felt “normal.” It felt like the exact kind of behaviour I could expect and as a mom of two girls, as a woman, as a parent of the future generation and as a fucking human being, that makes me sick. I should have the right to go out dancing with my girlfriends (wearing whatever the fuck I want to) and not have anyone touch me without my consent.

Also, as a side note, not that I was personally interested but if I were – who goes home with a dude who grabs your arm? Like, you’re way better off trying to have a conversation. Or making cute eye contact. Anything other than basically trying to physically force a connection.

I digress. So basically it reminded me that while there is a conversation that is starting about how to treat women (and people – but in this case, women) and what is appropriate sexual behaviour (nothing that isn’t explicitly asked for and even then…) this conversation is just the beginning. Clearly, the message has not hit the club circuit and I’m sure has been missed in many instances that I really hope you never have to encounter.

By the time you read this I hope that you always feel safe, equal and respected but my guess is that we have a long way to go to make that happen and douchebags like my friends at the club will make that journey longer and harder because: stupidity and ignorance.

In the meantime, let’s sign you girls up for some serious martial arts and arm you with the confidence to know when something doesn’t feel right. You do not have to just take what is handed to you and you never have to submit sexually or otherwise to anyone. Ever.

Be strong in a world full of weakness.

There’s this hashtag going around so that woman can say “me too,” as in, I too have experienced some kind of sexual abuse or assault and the point is to show just how many women you know have been impacted. I could add a “me too” too many times to count. In our family, I hope that ends with me.

*Woah mom , way to come back to the blog with a vengeance.

xo

Mom