August 14, 2017

Dear Babies,

I’m having a bit of a hard time writing to you lately because I’m hesitant to express myself fully and completely. If I wrote my truth, you would be a little bit concerned for my sanity and not because everything is crazy but more because of the wild vacillations between complete bliss and terror.

Literally one minute to the next I can be as happy as I’ve ever been and then as stressed as I can imagine ever being. Right now I’m sitting with Baby 2 wrapped on my body peacefully sleeping with ambient music playing in the background beside a lake in the shade. WHAT COULD BE MORE AWESOME. I literally can’t imagine a better more happy moment.

An hour ago I woke up to your dad shushing a SCREAMING baby. And not like, screaming screaming. I mean fucking wailing. Nothing causes me more stress than hearing this baby cry. Both because I hate when my girl is sad and because her cry has this insane making tone to it.

There is no way to describe the past 7 weeks. They have been a fucking emotional rollercoaster. To ride it with me is to truly experience a hormonally driven episode of madness. But then also the best kind. See? Hard to explain.

I just want you guys to know that life will throw you moments (or months or years) that are so good and so bad all at once. And that’s ok. Things can be both. They can move from one to the other in the blink of an eye. Good and bad are not mutually exclusive and we can’t want them to be. The good makes the bad, bad. That’s true but without the bad, how good would the good be?

Embrace it all and try and enjoy the ride. Or at least hold on.

xo
Mom