35 things to tell you

April 7, 2017,

Dear Baby,

Today marks my 35th birthday and since I have been around for 34 years more than you (33.5 if you are being particular), I thought I would share some knowledge and wisdom to celebrate my birthday this year that may help you celebrate your birthday in the future.


  1. Share your birthday celebrations and any celebrations with people you love. Your dad and I went away for the weekend for the first time ever without you (more on that later) and although it was insanely fun and very necessary, in hindsight I would have spent my actual birthday with you and left the next day because you would have made my day complete. Seeing you for a quick second in the morning before leaving was not enough.
  2. While we are on birthdays, don’t be all drama for yours. I am always such a loser on my birthday because I have these grand expectations of what it should mean and the truth is that all it means is that the people who really love you will acknowledge that you were born and that they are pleased about it.
  3. Treat yo’self. On the note I made above in point 2, you are basically the only person who will make your birthday a big deal past age 16 so do something awesome for yourself with no guilt and no hold barred. I took myself out this year for a chocolate, mani and pedi.
  4. Balance stuff with doing stuff. Yes, getting actual physical presents for your birthday is good. Real good. Getting experiences? That’s good too. Too much stuff will make you spoiled and you honestly won’t remember a pair of shoes that you received for turning 20. You will probably remember a thoughtful dinner or getaway. Memories are better than things – even though things are also really fun.
  5. Take a break. A REAL break. I define a real break as one where you actually leave your home and go do something 100% relaxing. Whether you have a fuckig delicious toddler who you never want to part with or a hard job or demanding social life, everyone needs a break to reset, regroup and revive their soul.
  6. Take time to make time with your partner. On that note, when you take a break – consider bringing along your partner. Chances are, if you are stressed, they are stressed and distressing together is more fun. Make love your priority always because love is a many splendour thing.
  7. Take time to make time with other people you love. We saw a whole slew of moms and daughters, friends and girls or boys groups away the weekend we went. People taking time to spend time with other people they love outside of their spouses. I’m ALWAYS down for a trip with you, Baby and I can’t wait until we can start making those kinds of memories together.
  8. Good parties are always a good idea
  9. Seriously. Have lots of parties. We will have lots of parties for you. Don’t spend your birthday doing lame shit. Do something really fun.
  10. But if you don’t like parties (which would be kind of shocking as you are our kid), do other fun stuff. Whatever you like to do, do it.
  11. EAT CAKE
  12. OMG – don’t fucking miss out on cake.
  13. Don’t bank too much on your birthday candle wish. We are not living in Sixteen Candles and Jake may or may not be around. Have you even seen that movie?????
  14. Feel free to treat your birthday as your personal new year. I always make a small resolution for my new year to help make it feel like the start of something.
  15. Don’t save all your cards. I have this horrible guilt about throwing away cards (or anything ever – wonder why that is????) and I feel like I am tossing aside people’s hard thought sentiments. Then I go back and look and it’s like “Happy Birthday. Love, me” and I’m like, why the fuck did I keep this? Honestly, don’t be like me and have built about everything. Just throw shit out.
  16. OMG I don’t really have enough substantial material to get to 35 things. Being old is so annoying.
  17. Ok, got one. Don’t say that you are old. It’s annoying for people who are actually old.
  18. Ok, here’s another. If you wear sunscreen all the time and take care of your skin, you will always look younger than your age so you won’t feel wrinkly and miserable on your birthdays.
  19. Ok, I’m back on a roll. Here’s something to think about. You are (all things being well) about to get a sibling. Their birthday is their special day and your birthday is yours. No getting you a present on their birthday to make you feel better shit in this house – k? Everyone gets a special day and you should learn that fun is having a special day AND celebrating other people’s special days. Gifts do not = fun.
  20. If they don’t call you – not text, CALL you on your birthday, they are not your loves. Not to say that any birthday message isn’t kind and valued but a text is not the same as an old fashioned ring a ling.
  21. UG. I’m out of material again.
  22. How
  23. Can
  24. We
  25. Kill
  26. Some
  27. Space
  28. Don’t forget to celebrate with me on your birthdays because I have the scar to prove that I am the one who birthed you to begin with.
  29. Let’s always do something fun together. Spa and dinner?
  30. Or a vacation – I love vacations.
  31. Fine. All of the above.
  32. Blah
  33. Blah
  34. Blah
  35. Hope that I can witness your 35th year here on this planet. For me, the past year and a half has been the best ever so 35, although slightly scary is mostly amazing courtesy of your peanut face.


I’m done.



35 things to tell you

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