March 13, 2017

Dear Baby,

Well, it is official. I have now left you alone for a weekend for the first time ever and we all survived. To be honest, I’m not even sure you totally noticed I was gone. Which is fine *leaves room to cry a little a lot.

It seems like forever ago that a friend suggested a girls only trip to NYC and at the time, the idea of it seemed great. I haven’t been away with the girls – any girls – in forever and your dad doesn’t particularly love NYC (something about the crowds. shocking) Then the date to go came nearer and you got sick. OBVIOUSLY.

So that made it hard to imagine leaving you and then it was just hard anyways and then the night before I left you cried for “mama” through the night and I all but cancelled my flight and instead just stayed up stressing out for hours instead of sleeping like a normal human mom.

What’s funny is that most of the moms I know are fucking dying to have a getaway and here I am lying in bed silently sobbing at the thought of 48 hours of freedom. But the grass is always greener, right?

Anyways, the good news is that I went. Left the house and went which was made easier by you still being asleep and not having to say a tearful goodbye. The great news is that it was awesome and it both revitalized my spirit and reminded me how crucial it is for me to still live a little for me in spite of only wanting to do it all of you. Sometimes, a little NYC is all you need to reinvigorate your soul. Cheesy? Yup. But also true. I mean, it wasn’t New York that did it but more the time away.

Here’s what was amazing.

First, one of my best friends came to surprise us from LA. She was the perfect addition to the crew of girls already there and 5 was a great number to travel with. Second, the hotel bed was like sleeping in a fucking cloud of heaven. I usually hate other beds and specifically other pillows but this bed left me with an itch to just call the hotel and buy their pillows and ship them over here because I don’t even know if my life is as compete as it could be without them. Third, the hotel did breakfast in bed. When was the last time anyone had breakfast in bed? It was simple, it was delicious and there was hot coffee and I did it all in my underwear IN BED.

What was also amazing was the food. When the butter that accompanies the fresh brioche rolls that precede your meal is the bomb, you’re in for a tasty dinner. Brunch was fucking delicious and everything in between was too. Plus, the girls who were there actually ate which is a nice and refreshing change from the slew of ladies I know who make eating out a total chore (and bore) by ordering grilled chicken and salads galore. I do not go to NYC for a salad, k?

Also, everyone unanimously agreed that the best activity we could imagine was walking around, being casual and shopping. No running, no bullshit, no schedule. We are pretty lax parents but it was a treat to not have to spend my time hustling around to make a nap or get you fed.

I saw a play I have been wanting to see for a zillion years. It was a total mind fuck. I saw a naked penis. Huzzah.

One night, we went to a club to dance after dinner. Side note: clubs are so weird when you are sober/ haven’t gone dancing in at least 3 years. Eventually I couldn’t keep up with my alcohol consuming friends and the other preggo and I went back tot he hotel early (but not actually early, just earlier than everyone else- we really stayed up late this trip – and by late I obviously mean midnight. Anything later would be ridiculous #midthirtyproblems.) Anywho, we went back to the hotel and she and I were not sharing a room so we each retreated to an empty room where I took a long shower, got into bed and read a book.

I can’t even tell you when the last time I had a whole room all to myself was. That was luxury.

In the meantime, you had a really nice weekend with your dad who did an amazing job with you – as expected. When I came to your room to get you this morning you didn’t look at me with distain for leaving you nor wonderment/where the fuck have you been eyes. You simply pulled a finger out of your nose and showed me your “boogies” and we carried on with life as usual.

Here’s the lesson I can leave you with. We get caught up a lot in the things we love. Work, relationships and in my case, being your mom and while we can make little divots of time for ourselves here and there (oh hi, weekly mani) there is truly something important and refreshing about carving out a chunk of time to just do you. Do you without any distraction or hesitation.

And do you with either just you or with your girls because there is something really special about all that estrogen filling up a room. It unites and validates and inspires.

I felt so bad about leaving you but the truth is that 48 hours for sure made me a better version of myself and gave me the boost that I needed to be the best mom to you. This wold hold true to anything.

So ya, have killer ladies in your life and take time for you. Don’t forget you because, as I was reminded this weekend, you are still in there even when you are buried in work/life/love and you can only be your very best self when you have time to be yourself.

But also, you can never leave me because I will miss you too much. Kidding. Not kidding.

Happy to be back with you, Baby. Thanks for making it so easy to want to come home.

xo

Mom