March 18, 2017

Dear Baby,

Happy year and a half birthday. Why are you growing so fast? Are you a weed? Please stop. No, don’t stop but just slow down. No, don’t do that either but just indulge me in being a weird mom, k?

So at this very important milestone, I have to talk a bit about how fucking funny you are. Baby, your dad and I have always been like, “oh, we have such a funny baby,” but then people are probably all like, “totally” and then roll their eyes because every parent thinks their baby is the tits. If there is something I can tell yo about parents it’s that they all think their kids are the shit for a million different reasons and that my love, is called beauty in the eyes of the beholder.

I digress. I also should rephrase and say that to me, you are the funniest. Better? Not as indulgent? Ok.

So anyway, we have this whole crew of kids we know and I can safely say that each has their own special aptitudes. Some kids are superstar coordinated geniuses. Some play musical instruments better than I do, some are incredibly gorgeous and some are sweet. Some make great pictures with crayons and some are total maniac daredevils. You, my love, are a non stop talker. From the day you uttered your first word you have not shut up.

No you are probably thinking, duh, since your dad is basically the same but it is still surprising and exciting to watch this tiny peanut of a human talk so much and be so funny. Here’s how a typical day goes for us at 18 months.

We wake you up (because you are also a gifted and magical unicorn sleeper whose skills are not likely to be reproduced in baby #2 – much to my fear) and you proceed to tell us all about you, your room and your crib. You usually begin by announcing that you have pee peed, poo pooed or have a boogie. Then you name all of your stuffed animals and tell us about what they say – koala (says nothing), bear (growls), dracula (says ha ha ha), bah bah (is a sheep) and Ella (is an elephant whose head is about to fall off – where do you replace these things???) Then you name all the things in your room; closet, towel, diapers, cream, books, window, snow (if it is snowing out the window), sleep sack, bed…

Then we discuss the things you will see if you agree to come downstairs without reading 400 books first and you usually agree. We go downstairs and you name everyone you see which as of late, has been more than me and dad and your dog. Then you usually either read a book (or 10), continue to name things in the kitchen (like the stove, buttons, pictures on the fridge…) or you grab a TV remote and walk around with it like it is a phone telling us all the people you are calling.

You have told me for every meal that you would like hummus, cheese and pineapple. Breakfast is no exception. You don’t usually get hummus for breakfast. You then refuse to eat before naming all the food on  your plate. Then you entertain us for 30-40 minutes while you eat with your fucking ridiculous hilarity. You sing, you make bubbles, you fart and laugh at yourself. You make silly faces, you make everyone sitting near you repeat silly faces and you say amazingly funny things. Mealtime is a funny one.

Then we negotiate going back upstairs to get dressed. Now the time has come to tell you about what you get to do if we get dressed (usually playing with your friends – who you have to name, is a good motivator).

Then we go out and I tell everyone how much you talk and you say nothing so I look like a fucking crazy person who has imaginary conversations with my kid.

Then we leave and you motor mouth the whole way home naming all the things and people you saw – where was that kind of spunk 10 minutes ago???

Lunch is pretty much like breakfast and then you take a super long nap.

We know you are up when we hear a tiny “up” from your room. Then we do stuff again and if it’s with people, you are super quiet. Then we are alone again and you unleash your verbiage on me.

Afternoon activities as of late have included:

Playing in your tunnel where you fling yourself around and go “oh no” every time and then laugh to yourself.

Playing with pretend food that you pretend eat while saying “MMMMMMM”

Reading (obv)

The park where you point and laugh at dogs but then cry if they come near you

Dinner is a meal time fun fest and then after dinner we get you super hyper before bed which actually is hilarious but probably not so helpful in the calm bedtime routine thing.

Then we read 400000 books, sing your songs and you say “night night” before going to sleep.

I feel like none of this actually sounds as funny as it is in person to see.

While I’m here I just also want to add that some of your favourite things to do are the following:

Play hide and seek

Have me scare you

Jump on couches

Run (except you are super slow and usually fall)

Basically you are the best ever and I am so happy to have such a joyful and funny best friend and daughter.

Love you.

xo

Mom