January 8, 2017

Dear Baby,

This morning, I was sitting at my desk and I caught sight of a shimmery thing on my arm. Baby, I hate to tell you this because it is a glimpse into your future but the shimmery thing on my arm was a super long, thin and white arm hair. Yup, an arm hair. A long ass fucking arm hair. Because, Baby, your mom is a hobbit.

It was to my shock that you came out of the womb relatively hairless. We expected to give birth to cousin It based on our collective hair so you have had a good start but I doubt very much that you will lead a life of hairlessness. Waxing, shaving, moustaches and extra-long, creepy arm hair is in your future.

Sorry.

I promise not to let you be a social leper because of your infliction.

Thank god you will have good eyebrows.

That’s all.

xo

Mom