January 7, 2017
So with the caveat that I know I am a fucking psycho mom, I have to tell you that I really have a hard time when you sleep out of the house. That scares me because I wonder how the fuck I am ever going to have some extended child-free time. Like, I don’t want to be one of those parents who haven’t left their kids and the kids are like, 5 but at the same time, I usually spend your nights away lamenting at how much I miss you.
I for one, LOVE the sound of your waves sound machine that I can hear through the monitor that shines a light on my face all night long- I’m serious. I have never cared for silent, pitch black sleeps. I have always been the person who could sleep with the TV on all night long so the monitor is no bother. And waking up? Kind of a joke when your kid sleeps in.
I would say that the only thing that is really nice about you sleeping out is the morning when your dad and I can go for a leisurely walk with the dog to get coffee- we could do it with you just the same but it is a little more relaxed and free without a 400 pound stroller coming along for the ride.
At the same time, I keep thinking about spending some QT with your dad before we make our family a family of 4. Our time to get away for even a weekend is kind of limited by the impending arrival of your sibling and so I am fighting a battle in my mind of wanting to get away and wanting to just take you with so I don’t have to miss you the whole time.
Not that I am worried about us in particular, but I can totes see how couples begin to drift apart and lose their spark- it’s really fucking hard to have romance and intimacy when you would both rather be hanging with your kid a lot of the time. We have thankfully made the time- whether home or out- to be together without you or TV or anything but it is a true effort. Not an effort to spend the time, just an effort to really make the time. Time where you commit to being awake, alert, present, and excited.
So here’s my deep thoughts for today. If and when you have a partner, make some time for them and for you as a couple. Life- kids or otherwise- can really interfere and take away the time. It can be especially hard when you live with someone and confuse the time you spend with spending time. I will say this time and again: relationships are hard work. It is a complete misnomer to assume that if you are in love, things will be easy. Communication and relationships success takes work- but the work is SO SO SO worth it. Plus, a bonus is that if you put in a little bit of work every day, it will never need the bog work that you don’t want to have.
So make the time for the people you love. Make the time for your partner, for yourself and for your relationships and if you have a kid, let them sleep out at a loving and trusted relatives home one night or two, it’s good for everyone and you can always turn on the sound machine and monitor just because once your partner falls asleep (and then claim ignorance in the morning when they ask you how it all turned on.)
In the meantime, glad you are home.