January 5, 2017

Dear Baby,

This morning, after a super restless sleep, I awoke fucking grumpy. I have a cold (which I can’t take any medicine for) and I spent my sleep breathing through my mouth in the driest room north of the Sahara. I woke nose plugged and throat scratchy to my phone buzzing with text messages sent at WAY too early an hour.

I fucking hate being a slave to my phone (an inevitable thing but nonetheless…) and I especially hate when people don’t respect the rules of the road- so to speak. I think that unless agreed upon, messaging or calling someone before the hour of 8am (and even then, you are treading thin) and after 10pm is totally unacceptable. Like, why the fuck do I want to hear from you at 6:30am? I don’t give a shit what you are doing, I am sleeping. I feel like this should be a common courtesy not withstanding an emergency situation and yet…

10 pm I can be more slightly more lenient on but after about 10:30, I am in bed. Even if I am not yet sleeping, I definitely am at the point of my night where I am no longer interested in engaging and I don’t want to be anywhere near my phone. Not that it ever really works, but I still try to put my phone away for at least 30 minutes before bed to optimize my sleep. And if I choose to bypass my self-imposed rule, it will be on my own terms.

I digress plus it’s my own fucking fault for sleeping with my phone so close by- I just always worry that if I don’t have my phone and something emergency happened, I wouldn’t be able to know/help. To date, nothing emergency has ever required my overnight answering of the phone- poo poo poo.

So grumpy mood.

Woke up, it was dark, gloomy, you were coughing on the monitor, I was tired from such an annoying and restless sleep and it was grump-central station for this mama. I grumped my way through breakfast, coffee and the fact that my planned outfit had terrible static cling was just one cherry on my sundae. Barely saw you, had to elbow my way onto a bus (WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING RUDE ALL THE TIME), got to work, my new computer wasn’t working and I was locked out of the IT dept… EVERYTHING was just going wrong.

But then I took a deep fucking breath, got myself a tea, made it down to IT to fix my computer, blew some snot out of my nose and chilled the fuck out. Not only because I am a grown up and I can handle a bad morning but because I am going to always show you that anyone can handle a bad day.

One of the things I really connected in that Minimalist podcast was the way that kids mirror us. They discussed it in the context of, if we compulsively shop and identify our worth by our possessions , our kids are bound to do the same but I feel like it applies to a lot more. Like, if I succumb to bad moods and bad days and cant shake them off, how will you learn to? It made my hyper aware of what I project out and being unable to have control over my moods and emotional state is not something I am going to teach you willingly.

And the truth? There are times that call for a mood that isn’t good. You can be sad, you can be angry about something, you can be unsure- you have the right to feel anything that you feel but you also have the power to shift your own mood and refocus on the good. And there is always some good.

Maybe a deep breath and a tea will do it, maybe a good talk with a friend or a hug from your mom?

You will have to figure out your own ways of self soothing but I will be around to show you some tips and tricks and be there should you need me. Cheers to a day looking up from now on.

xo

Mom