August 6, 2016

Dear Baby,

I’ve been thinking about this day for a while now and I need to start out by saying that it’s not you, it’s me. Wait. Actually I think it is mutual. I wasn’t sure how it would all play out but now that it is here, it feels like the natural end to what has been a pretty crazy relationship. 

It began on a high note but quickly turned volitile and dark. I shed so many tears over you. 

But I tried. We both tried to make it work. We sought counselling and encouragement, we spoke to friends and family. We worked hard to stay together and in the end we did. And it got better. 

We fell in love and the relationship became natural. It became easy. It became hard to believe that it had ever been any other way. And then something changed again. 

I don’t blame you at all but you began to pull away. You needed me less and maybe I in turn had less to offer. Where we once couldn’t go hours without each other we now went almost half a day. And the times we were together felt rushed and insignificant. 

Close to the end, we only had one interaction per day. And it was lacklustre. A shadow of what once was.

I thought maybe some time apart would reinvigorate us but instead it just confirmed what I guess I already knew. The end was now. It was time. I went away for a day and you didn’t notice. It broke my heart. 

And so with that it ended. On a bittersweet note. I’m happy that it happened, sad it is over, proud that you made the choice to move on and grow and worried that it will never be the same between us again.

And the lesson here is that sometimes you just don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. I didn’t know how sad I would really be to stop breastfeeding you until I did it. It was natural and mutual and the way our story unfolded and still I feel like I have closed the door forever on a big part of what has been my life for the past year. 

I will always look back on this time with rose coloured glasses and remember the love we shared and the bond we had. In time the memories of blood, sweat and tears will be erased forever. 

Keep in touch. I hope homo milk treats you well. 

xo

Mom (‘s boobs)