January 12, 2016

Dear Baby,

It seems like an eternity ago (even though it was only a week ago) that you slept through the night, napped without a fuss and were a pretty normal and happy baby. Wonder Weeks warned me with lightening bolts galore that you were about to take a new “leap” and become more challenging (to put it lightly) but I dismissed them. 

Welcome to the “Events” leap aka. sleep regression aka. The 4 Month growth spurt aka. WHY WONT YOU SLEEP?????

This milestone fills me with a mixed bag of emotions. On the one hand, I am a bit frustrated that your sleep time has become a war between us of me on the “go the fuck to sleep” side and you on the “not without a fight” side. It was nicer when we both agreed that sleep was paramount to a great day. Now you seem to need a lot of convincing. 

I also feel really sad that you seem to be more upset than usual. The more we get to know each other, the more bothered I am by your cry. I am currently on level “stab me in the heart twice and twist the blade” when it comes to hearing you wail. 

Most noticeably I feel like a recharged milk machine. I guess you eating every minute is good for milk production because I woke up the other morning swimming in my own milky boobs. I don’t even know what to feel about that. Soggy? 

On the flip aid I feel proud and excited that you seem to be hitting another developmental stage. It’s really cool to watch you grow and learn. Sure, to outsiders that fact that you can roll from front to back on BOTH sides is pretty unexciting but to me it is the single most important thing that has happened to my week. 

Finally, I feel really confident. This shit storm would have made me crazy in the past. I would have been crying in bed and imagining ways to escape but 4 months in I feel a renewed sense of calmness. If you have taught me anything it is that this too shall pass. 

So Baby, with that I leave you with the following lesson:

You are bound to hit a million milestones. While you at age 4 months are hitting a new one, I am hitting a new one too at age 33. You are learning “events” and I am learning about remaining calm when you are not. This is to say that you never stop learning and hitting new personal milestones. 

Yes, they can be frustrating and scary- what is new often is but if you keep your head up and know that there is always a rainbow at the end of a storm, then you will get through life just fine. 

xo

Mom