November 23, 2015

Dear Baby,

I’m sitting upstairs with you this early morning while you keep in my arms and I can overhear your dad downstairs talking to his work colleague. I’m thinking about how much he has to say to her- the mundane day-to-day work stuff that they chat about every day and how much he has of it to say.

Like, one hour conversations go on daily and that is just the tip of the iceberg for him.

Me, I am in a bit of a different place. My brain is baby brain. People always refer to baby brains as your forgetful and clumsy brain that can’t focus because you are sleep deprived and hormonal from your baby. Agreed but baby brain is also the inability to think about anything other than your baby.

Baby, ask me about my day and I will tell a story about something you did. Talk to me about any topic under the sun and I will bring it back to you and things you do or babies in general or occasionally parenting in general. I went from being a relatively interesting person to someone who can’t seem to shut up about her baby.

The truth is Baby, that I don’t do many things without you. My days and nights revolve around you and even my “off” time is spent reading books about babies, talking to friends about baby rearing strategies and googling things that assure me that I am doing a good job with you. Have I read the news in 2 months? Not a once by I can tell you the most popular baby names of 2015 if you care- you don’t? Oh. Of course not because that is super fucking BORING.

And the worst part about it Baby, is that any time someone engages me in conversation about anything else- including topics that would have otherwise captured me completely- I can’t wait until it seems appropriate to bring up babies again. I usually do it way before it is appropriate.

Them: “have you seen the very serious and informative article on an important global crisis?”

Me: “oh totally, what a world to bring babies into- and speaking of babies, isn’t it just awesome how they start to drool months before they start teething?”

Is that interesting at all?????

And it is not for lack of trying, Baby. I try almost every day to read something about anything other than babies. But try as I may, I am inevitably chased down by geotargetted online marketing and mid- way through any given article I can no longer resist the urge to click on the sidebar from some baby website promising groundbreaking information (never) or a sale on some ridiculous outfit that I know you don’t need but have to have.

Baby, even this blog is a testament to my new baby brain. In my former life I blogged about my daily adventures. I had an array of topics to rant about (see ramblingjaneplantain.blogger.com.)
When I decided to restart my blog, I couldn’t think of a single thing to talk about other than you so I figured it better to talk to you- thus these letters.

All this being said, you know what Baby? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure I may bore people around me who don’t want to talk about you/ babies. I self admittedly bore me but you are the fucking best thing ever and you deserve all the hours I spend thinking about you and then some.

One day too soon I will return to a more normal life- you will be at school and have your own independent world, I will be back working and having totally adult days and I won’t be spending countless hours contemplating your ability to make eye contact or move your head. I will graduate back to just regular “brain.”

For now, I love my baby brain and I plan to bore the fuck out of myself and those around me for as long as possible. Hopefully when I come back to normal, I will still have friends. Just kidding. Kind of.

Xo
Mom.