November 25, 2015

Dear Baby,

I am sitting here in front of the TV sobbing like a baby from a surprisingly touching Audi commercial. An old man is ready to have his family for the holidays until a terrible snowstorm is announced. He stares out the window at the snow and then slowly packs up the table he has set in anticipation of a lively dinner. The power goes out in his home and instead of the amazing company he thought he would have, he begins to open a lonely can of soup- for one. Suddenly, his whole family bursts through the door- the snow hasn’t stopped them- they have an Audi.

I. just.lost.it.

Is this a particularly sad commercial? Well, yes- old people being lonely always tugs at my heart strings but let’s be honest- my hormones are on fire. This is not the first commercial I have cried about. Commercials, dropping a lettuce leaf from my salad, a sad thought, a happy thought, someone saying the right thing, someone saying the wrong thing… all of it has the potential to make me cry instantly.

One morning I spilled some breast milk in the sink and literally CRIED OVER SPILLED MILK.

Having crazy hormones is like being on drugs except it’s not fun and you can’t decide when to bring on the high. But it is uncontrollable and all consuming. It is unpredictable and very very alive.

I think that something you should know Baby, is that just like new baby, mom cries a lot. I don’t have any real memories of the nights when my mom would inevitably cry out of sheer exhaustion and frustration and it is one of those many things that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT OR TELLS YOU BEFORE YOU HAVE A BABY (WHY!!??)

The first few times I melted down I thought I was legit going crazy. It felt overwhelming and ridiculous at the same time and I couldn’t understand how I would get equally upset over a TV show and the notion that I am a total failure at breastfeeding. I was all like, “what is wrong with me?”

Baby, know this- it is OK to cry. In fact, a good cry has gotten me over many a hurdle both in mom land and otherwise. There is no reason to be a hero all the time and it is great (and terrifying) to be in touch with your feelings in such an intense way.

So Baby, when you have the need, go on and let it our. Mom will be to wipe away your tears for now and one day, you will be strong enough to wipe your own.

Stay emo.

xo

Mom

P.S. Baby, please note that crying sometimes or feeling overly emotional and hormonal is NORMAL. Being sad all the time is NOT- if you are feeling really sad and can’t shake it, please talk to someone. Postpartum depression is real and you can get help.