November 10, 2015

Dear Baby,

I’ve been up since 2:45 am with you fussing and I am so damn irritated that even the typos on my post are making me want to cry or scream.

Honestly, breast milk must be way more delicious than anything ever made the way you scream for it.

Your dad took you for some reprieve between 6:30 and 7am today where you naturally settled down so that he returned you to me all smug and annoying. “She’s really liking her arms swaddled out today” was his big helpful insight to you. Thanks for nothing, Dad. Let me tell you how much you liked having you arms out or in when the possibility of boob came back in the table. You could have had those arms tied around your back for all you cared.

Anyways, since you obviously can’t do anything about your basic instinctual behaviour/ need for survival, I have to channel my anger somewhere else so Honest Diapers in Newborn size, here’s looking at you.

When it comes to you Baby, no expense is spared. If I feel that you need organic cotton harem pants at over 30 bucks a pop, I’m getting you those pants (and thanks for crapping in them on first wear). So sure, Honest diapers are more expensive than Pampers by a long shot but your little baby butt deserves the best so when I read about how honest the Honest diapers are (see what I did there), I had to try them.

Why don’t these diapers stay on??? What good is a diaper that gapes in the back. Babies notoriously crap out their diapers on a good day with a perfectly tight and secure diaper. What chance do I have of saving your adorable baby clothes I can’t even attempt to contain the poop explosion.

And riddle me this, who wants to get peed on twice in one morning? Not your sleep deprived under-caffeinated mom who is also dealing with a dog who is barfing on the carpet this morning.

So sure, the diapers are cute. The ones I got have tiny skulls on some and little bicycles on others but really, WHO CARES. Who is going to look at your poop filled diaper and be like, “what an adorable diaper.” No one.

Honest Co. you make some super awesome products (like your baby wipes- want to send me some baby wipes to clean up all the spilled poo???) but this irritable mama is all for burning your shitty diapers.

Baby, don’t buy bad diapers. They will totally annoy you.

xo

Mom

PS. If you happen to have also bought diapers that you are not crazy about or have extra diapers from a size you outgrew, please check out http://www.thediaperbank.ca.