February 2, 2017
If I could relive one day over and over, it could literally be almost any day of late. That would be fine with me. I think that the famous groundhog (which- really? is that really a thing?) saw his shadow meaning 6 more weeks of winter. Without trying to jinx us, ok. That sounds just fine. Winter has been super manageable this year which really helps reconcile the fact that we are stuck here in colder climates this year while I cook another baby and avoid zika.
In fact, (and again, not trying to jinx us) we are almost missing the snow as you had really one good week of playing on your adorable little sled and wearing snow pants. Ever since has been just kind of semi cold and wet which is ultra gross and not conducive at all to playing outdoors. But it also hasn’t been super cold meaning we can actually go outside so I don’t know what an “ideal” winter would be but I don’t think this one warrants much complaining.
And the really fucked up thing is that it is already into the second week of February. I can’t. Being pregnant and having you is making time go as fast as it has ever gone and I kind of feel like I am going to blink and then you will have a sibling and life will be changed forever again.
In the meantime, whether we have 6 more weeks of winter or not, I am busy trying to plan your next few chunks of time which would be so much easier if I knew what to do with you come September. We applied for part time preschool (apparently weeks too late) and now await the coveted spot. Only, I don’t even know how I feel about dropping you off somewhere for a full day yet. Like, why? I don’t know that you will learn more or better from the experience nor do I know that I will be able to take a deep breath for those precious 3 hours twice a week.
Ok, it’s more me than you. You will be fine anywhere. You have shown yourself to be independent and happily social. I worry that I will have a hard time letting you go or worse, that I will be so overwhelmed that I won’t have time to think about the fact that I am letting you go. Either one makes me kind of queasy.
Sorry for my rambling. Literally no one wants to engage me in conversations about your future activities but it seems to be the most paramount thing I can think of right now. That and how fucking fast you are growing out of your clothes lately. My little weed.
Anyways, do I have a point? Not really. I guess if I had to gleam something from my constant thinking about your next steps is that 1. I NEVER allow it to interfere with your current steps- this train of thought never takes away from enjoying our present (it mostly just visits with me when I am doing something silly like trying to sleep) and 2. No matter what I plan, I have no idea what the future will hold and being adaptable is a sure way to being much happier. Things have a way of working themselves out (or at least, that is a good mantra to recite when you can’t sleep due to overactive thoughts about preschool and such.)