Bad Baby Body

February 24, 2016

Dear Baby,

It’s not like I blame you per say, but all I know is this; before I had you I had a bit of back pain from an old injury and was otherwise a fully functioning human being. Since having you my body has actually stopped working and I find new ailments on the daily. I feel like I 100 YEARS OLD.

My back, once the only issue in this body of mine is now worse and still not the top of my “what pains me” list. Did you know that you could experience knee pain? Well, you can. Know what makes knee pain worse? Being on your knees or getting up and down from a certain play mat on the floor. Again, not saying that my knees are your fault but if the shoe fits…

And worse yet is wrist pain. WRIST PAIN, OK???? What the fuck is that? I can’t even begin to imagine how I injured my wrist (certainly not from lugging around a bucket seat with a baby in it everywhere- seriously, it’s not even how heavy they are because I can’t really complain since you are pint sized but it’s how awkward they are to carry. I sometimes see moms carrying them as if they are as light and easy as a crossbody purse. HOW?????).

Of course, I could just not do these things that hurt me but how fun would that be? The best parts of my day are getting down and playing with you on your mat or shlepping you around town to do things together. How crap would it be for me to stop that? My sadness would far outweigh my pain.

My physiotherapist is all like, take 20 minutes per day and roll on a foam roller. Oh for sure. If I had 20 minutes for a foam roll sesh then maybe I wouldn’t have 2 huge baskets of laundry that are not getting done today.

In fairness, she is right. As my mom had reminded me over and over (and over and over) again, the only way to fight off your weak ass body is to maintain it with daily movement and therapy. It’s so typical of me to complain all the damn time about something and then complain just as much about the obvious solution. Do I really not have 20 minutes to spare per day for the betterment of my body? When you fell asleep today I did 6 Buzzfeed quizzes so I think the answer is clear.

So may I take this moment to remind you Baby, not be frivolous with your body. TAKE CARE OF THOSE PRECIOUS LIMBS, APPENDAGES AND CORE. If you want to be a total idiot like your mom, then expect to have a slew of complaints about your achy bones that will go uncared about because no one likes a whiny baby.

In the meantime, I’ll be taking this spare moment to bust out that foam roller. Leading by example. Or trying to…


(your ever complaining ) Mom

Bad Baby Body

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