January 25, 2016,

Dear Baby,

I finally installed (put batteries in) that huge fish tank machine that a friend got you. Amazon Prime FTW (battery delivery in one day). 

It’s basically this machine that has a fake aquarium scene and plays classical music while the fish and seaweed float around in fake water that bubbles.

On one hand, it’s relaxing because I find anything water talked to be pretty relaxing. On the other hand, there’s lights and colours and quite a bit of action for a regular aquarium. Like most baby things it is an elevated and super animated version of itself. Like if an aquarium took crack. 

But Baby, I have never seen you love something as much. On more than one occasion now you have gone ahead and just FALLEN THE FUCK ASLEEP watching this toy. Just put yourself right to sleep with the sounds and sights of this aquarium. 

Dear Aquarium, I love you so much. 

Yes, of course this is a testament to you learning more about self soothing. The whole sucking your hand non stop has dual functions of being soothing to your gums and apparently your mind/ nervous system. I have watched you call yourself down via your thumb and it is an excellent skill that you have developed. 

Self soothing is this thing we do as adult that we don’t even know we do. We have a bunch of mechanisms in place that we employ to help us settle down and relax. Some are positive (deep breathing) and some are not as positive (biting your nails) but they are mechanisms that we have created and established to help us not FREAK OUT every time we are distressed. 

So to watch you pop that thumb in your mouth when I know you are a bit upset and calm down is just great. I’m super happy about it and totally down with the dental work we may have to do as a result in your future. 

Baby, my only hope for you is that you continue to be able to self regulate. Sure, ideally the thumb gets lost in you growing up and replaced with a more appropriate function but the point is that I want you to be able to always help yourself.

You will, no doubt, be surrounded by love all your life. We will be here to help you with anything and everything. I will have a hard time not being there for you in any given situation but nothing would make me happier than to know that you can do it on your own. 

One day when I am not around to help or guide you, I want to know that you can do anything your want to do. I want to know that you have those tools. Make sure you always work on them. They are invaluable. 

In the meantime, keep staring at those fish and sucking at that thumb. One small step for baby and one giant step for everything to come. 

xo

Mom