November 6, 2015
It’s 4:14am. I’m sitting with you waiting for you to be asleep enough that I can transfer you into your bassinet.
Today was a great day, baby. You are now 7 weeks old! 7 weeks gone by means that it is time for this mama to start using her body and getting strong again.
Baby, I have to tell you that I am finding it hard to enjoy my new body and view it as the vessel in which you were held. The stomach that I once flaunted and rubbed with satisfaction has been replaced by one that I want to hide away under layers of clothing.
I wish that I could say that now that I am older/ a mother, I don’t care. I do. But with you around I have to shift that mindset. I will be damned if I ever let you catch me pinching at my ass fat in the mirror or speaking in words of self hate.
As I sit here tonight with you in my arms I have been thinking a lot about the messages I send to you, even now in your infancy. I cannot imagine you being anything less than beautiful to me no matter what you end up looking like when you are older so long as you are a happy, healthy girl.
When I think about you in the future one of the things I wish for the most is that you grow up to be a confident and happy girl. I think that all moms out there can agree that a kid who feels comfortable in their own skin is at the top of their wish list (can I get a hell yeah on that one, mamas?)
I refuse to be the reason that you ever have a conflicted relationship with your own body. Instead, I want to channel this energy into becoming the positive influence. You will need it because I promise you this, Baby – being a human is hard and someone, somewhere along the line is going to make you feel lesser-than. I don’t want that person to be me.
So with that in mind, I have made myself a promise to shift my opinion on exercise and my body. Yes, it would be great to feel a bit more tight and toned but my new focus is to become strong again, to keep my body and mind healthy, to feel good and get all those good positive endorphins.
I can only wish that one day you love your beautiful self as much as I love you now and always.
PS. Go buy some good sports bras- the built in bra workout tops may have been fine pre-breastfeeding but your new boobs will be disastrous if not contained. Seriously, don’t mess with the boobs. They are crazy.