July 13, 2017

Dear Baby,

Here’s the truth. You have been a bit more difficult than we are used to. It’s hard. It’s hard because you are big enough to be really flingy and nuts when you have a tantrum and it’s hard because you understand and know so much that we have a hard time realizing that you are not always rational and communicative. 

Just because you can tell us how you feel and what you need 90% of the time doesn’t mean that you will always be able to and we forget that. Fuck, I as an adult can’t always communicate my needs when I’m upset so how can I expect more from a just-under 2 year old. 

It’s also hard because I often can’t respond in the way I want to. This is the difficulty in managing 2 kids. I’ll be feeding your sister and you will be stomping your feet and crying but I can only deal with one thing at a time. Unfortunately for you, sustaining life with boobs trumps rationalizing about why you can’t have blueberries exclusively for lunch. Again. 

The good thing is that you are so damn cute that even your tantrums can be adorable. Yesterday you didn’t want to leave the bath, kicked the tub and hurt your foot. You woke up in the middle of the night crying for “beam on your foot”. Be cuter. We use “beam”(cream) on your bum when it’s sore from diaper rash so you obviously made the connection that “beam” makes you feel better – thus beam on those sore toes that you smashed into the wall. 

Your ability to reason while being so fucking irrational is amazing. 

Anyways. Just a good reminder that we don’t always have the best grasp on what we need and want when we are upset. This is not a flaw or a bad thing. It’s just the way we all are. You will and won’t outgrow these tantrums. You will and you won’t learn how to manage your feelings. You will and you won’t learn how to ask for that you need. So enjoy the ride. 

Feelings. Gotta love them.

xo

Mom