April 22, 2017

Dear Baby,

Today we revisited swim lessons which, 6 months later, were so much more successful than they were last time. Was it the cleaner pool? Your maturity or the fact that you were in a great mood this morning? Who knows but you even dunked your head without crying so that was a huge win for me.

There I was fretting about inflicting long term psychological damage on you and your ability to trust people due to being prematurely dunked in the water and you just went ahead and did it smiling. Well, I can safely shake that one off my shoulders now. Phew.

But in the meantime, we ran into so many people at the pool – which is the new nightclub when you have a kid and I also ran into my first experience with sexism. It won’t be the last for me and it certainly won’t be the last for you or your unborn girl baby sibling.

Ran into an acquaintance who inquired about the sex of the unborn baby and gave me a slightly pitying look when I said “girl.”
A look that suggested that girls were tolerable but boys were preferable. A look that suggested that two girls were more an inconvenience than a blessing. A look that said that maybe next time we would be lucky enough to produce a tiny penis.

Well, to that look of pity I will say this. Fuck off.

Pretty sure Beyoncé was as clear as fuck when she said who run the world. Girls. As a woman, I am well aware that sexism and bias exists but to think of it impacting you in any way makes me mad because it’s fucking dumb.

Oh, sorry that we have no one to take on the family name which is a stupid construct of an antiquated tradition anyways. Pretty sure you can pick whatever name you want. I could be Mrs. Potato Head if I wanted so…

Oh, sorry that we don’t have to have genital mutilation served on a platter beside smoked whitefish for all the old men in our community to witness making our baby closer to godliness. I’ll pass on the physical torture and the whitefish platter. Thanks.

Oh, sorry that instead of another boy we are bringing a girl into the world who will fucking make shit happen AND may be the bearer of the future people who will make shit happen. HOW BRUTAL.

That innate sexism and weird religious feelings about sex come up before the baby is even born is exactly what’s wrong with the world – religion and otherwise. How totally shameful for a grown woman to poo poo the life of another future woman. You should know better and you should hang your head in fucking disgrace. I don’t want to say you don’t deserve a vagina, but I hope that today it gets itchy in public. Just cuz.

Baby, know this: being a woman is hard. It’s an unfortunate truth. There are so many balancing acts that you will have to do in your life and you will always thrive and fall. Depending on what you want out of it, you will have to find creative ways to make life work for you and navigate the waters of being a woman, mother, friend and professional – all come with challenges that men will never know. I read this study once that because of good ol’ hormones, a woman’s brain changes radically each month while a mans stays relatively the same throughout.

But this is not your disadvantage and you are not less than. You are great if not greater than. Not only can you truly be whatever you want to be in your life, you will also have the superpower to make other humans. I can’t promise you that you won’t face a whole lot of the same kind of male dominated bullshit in your life, but I can promise you that your dad and I will raise you to know that it IS bullshit and that the people who spew it are just fucking idiots.

So to you my precious DAUGHTER who I am SO happy to have and to your unborn sib who I am also so happy to have, just know that your being female is something I will celebrate every damn day. You should too.

xo

Mom

PS. This no offence to boy babes, I would have been really happy with a boy babe too – they are awesome. This is in offence to anyone who would suggest that not having a boy babe would be anything less than perfect too. You suck, people. Get your head’s out of the past and come join us in the future, it’s a great place to be.