November 17, 2015

Dear Baby,

When you have a tiny newborn baby, don’t let people tell you that it is stupid to take your baby out to do big activities.

Yesterday I took you to the Aquarium with a friend and her baby to walk around and check out the fish and sea creatures. At least 3 people asked me why I would take you there being that you would have no idea where we were, it’s a pretty far drive downtown, you would never remember it and can’t ever make out the fish anyways.

Well Baby, I think differently.

First of all, in terms of you enjoying the experience- did you? Who knows. You ate, you shat, you cried, you looked around and you slept all in a dark aquarium lit by images of waves. You were serenaded with sounds of the ocean and a man’s voice reciting facts about various species of under water life. What could be bad about that?

I have this mini fish tank toy thing that attaches to your crib and basically has these plastic floaty fish in fake water moving around and playing soft music and water noises- is the real thing not a million times better?

Did you know there were fish around you? No. I doubt it. I doubt you could make out anything but I am 100 percent sure that the lights and colors and sounds and movements were super stimulating to your tiny and growing senses and Baby, that is good enough for me. Well worth the price of admission.

Will you remember this experience? No. Will I? Probably not. What I will remember is how I went out and did a bunch of stuff with you right away and didn’t stay home slowly going crazy. If you are the type of mama who can happily stay at home, all the power to you. I am jealous because I have this overwhelming urge never to take off my pyjamas which really doesn’t work with my need to be in public spaces all day everyday.

But if you, like me, need to be out and about then DO IT. Nothing makes you more scared to try than waiting and postponing it. Did a weird old man and his grandchildren see my nipples while I fed you in a corner? Yes. Did the couple behind us give me dagger eyes when you cried for 5 minutes? Sure. I give zero fucks. Zero.

That’s the ultimate point here, Baby. That is what naysayers are missing. This was for you, in a sense but it was more for me and for us. I need to get out and have these experiences to feel like a normal functioning human being and in kind, to be a good patient and not-crazy mom to you. In terms of it being for you, well you need to see more than the inside of Yorkdale mall.

Baby, whatever you need to do to be the best you that you can be during this weird and crazy time, go for it. That’s how we stay (semi) sane and keep going.

xo

Mom